Tuesday, November 18, 2008

An Unedited Online Chat

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Hi

Friend from class XI & XII says:

What’s up?

IHM says:

Hi

IHM says:

how are you?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

How was Diwali?

IHM says:

ok ok

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I'm good

IHM says:

how was yours?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

beautiful rangoli you made

Friend from class XI & XII says:

v good

IHM says:

Daughter not me

IHM says:

loves making rangoli

Friend from class XI & XII says:

hmmmmn ....daughters!!!!

IHM says:

that's about the only daughterly thing she does

Friend from class XI & XII says:

boyz were least bothered

IHM says:

ya?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Son #2 of course put up the lights

Friend from class XI & XII says:

he's handy around the house that way

IHM says:

Daughter helped with that too....she is the handy-girl

IHM says:

it's not sons or daughter, just a matter of interest

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Gender does make a difference!!!!

IHM says:

Like how?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

And why not...........i don't find anything strange in that

IHM says:

Not strange just untrue

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Ha....here you go again

IHM says:

I love to do a lot of stereotypically considered manly things

IHM says:

Love to watch the car being serviced!! Taking pictures, gadgets, gym, ... love dogs- all manly things

IHM says:

I LOVE discussions and debates

You have just sent a nudge.

IHM says:

Did you like my blog?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i don't care much about discussing ..........

IHM says:

so you are more feminine

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i think its boring....i mean its not that that i'm very rigid about my ideas

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i mean they just fluctuate with issues and situations

Friend from class XI & XII says:

when i say, i miss having a daughter. i just feel maybe .....

Friend from class XI & XII says:

things would be better if there was another girl in the house

IHM says:

no I can imagine that

Friend from class XI & XII says:

now i don't mean things are bad........just different

IHM says:

but they are no different. Kids are just kids

IHM says:

Tho’ it's like having a best friend at home

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Maybe she would've been interested in rangolis, decorations, cooking, in other finer skills..........

Friend from class XI & XII says:

but i know she maynot ........then it may have been difficult to handle....

IHM says:

she likes cooking, but Son baked a chocolate cake for Diwali, he hates Indian sweets

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Son #1 is an excellent cook...........

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Son # 2 makes pop corn; mine never turn out like his

IHM says:

That is what I mean

IHM says:

why bind them in manmade rules, let them grow and be creative, whatever their interests

Friend from class XI & XII says:

of course.....who's stopping them or denying that

IHM says:

I know you won't do that, I feel you say this ‘daughters are like that’ thing just like that,

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Still the basic difference between the genders can't be denied

IHM says:

of course they are different but there are no stereotypes

Friend from class XI & XII says:

.....so we are saying the same things.............only in different words

IHM says:

As a kid I used to fight with mum if someone said 'your daughters have grown up now they should help you in the kitchen' in a patronising tone, we never let her force us to learn to cook, you remember how I was...

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I know what you mean but I also remember you saying that you wish your mom had made you learn cooking

Friend from class XI & XII says:

So.........it’s not about the skills you learn or don't

IHM says:

Yeah but today I can say with pride that she was right in not forcing even in those days

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I think its momentary feelings

IHM says:

All kids should help all parents. No given rigid roles...skills are good, one should be encouraged to learn but NOT because one is a boy or a girl.

Friend from class XI & XII says:

phew....yes ma'm. I AGREE

IHM says:

LOL

IHM says:

:)

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i like your vehemence about these issues

IHM says:

Okay tell me what you think of my blog

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i read it in a glance...........like impatiently.....but whatever i could make of it, i think it was excellent

Friend from class XI & XII says:

now i will read it with more interest and patience

IHM says:

I am going to add this conversation minus our names...

Friend from class XI & XII says:

OH.......really.GREAT

Friend from class XI & XII says:

send me the link again

IHM says:

okaaaa

Friend from class XI & XII says:

LINK???? send me again

IHM says:

http://lifeofanindianhomemaker.blogspot.com/

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i read this one, threat revenge one, so she is in Texas?

IHM says:

ya

Friend from class XI & XII says:

it gives you a chance to voice your opinion and maybe make ...give a different perspective

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Double standards

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I know that the actual RSS workers are the real social activists

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i have see them in my family

IHM says:

but

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I even heard them saying that with time, things have changed, now its only the greed for power and popularity is what is driving them

IHM says:

and now affron terrorism

IHM says:

saffron

Friend from class XI & XII says:

they are not what the original RSS used to be

Friend from class XI & XII says:

chalo bye for now

IHM says:

ya

Friend from class XI & XII says:

yeah.........and much more and in the most hideous way

IHM says:

can you imagine rioting first, then now planting bombs

Friend from class XI & XII says:

actualy its so disgusting.........

IHM says:

yes.

Friend from class XI & XII says:

all this politics

IHM says:

more for someone who has seen how they were earlier

Friend from class XI & XII says:

well....just a tip of the iceberg

Friend from class XI & XII says:

its terrible

IHM says:

okay bye..they are all clamouring for attention here, the kids, the dogs everyone!!

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i can't imagine how or why the Centre is quiet???

Friend from class XI & XII says:

chalo bye for now

IHM says:

bye

23 comments:

homecooked said...

Wow...you were having a serious debate with your friend :) Did you just get back in touch or you were friends all these years?

Indian Home Maker said...

Homecooked More like fighting :)) Been in touch, with one odd year missed in between ... Thank God for the internet now there's no risk of losing contact :)

Monika,Ansh said...

@IHM- I was like you when younger. Because I had brothers & only I was asked to learn cooking & not them , I vehemently opposed & ended up being seriously lacking in that department.
Nice conversation there :)

Indian Home Maker said...

Monika.ansh But it did me, and I am sure you either, no harm :) I wrote a post on how I nearly fainted in horror when our first guest invited themselves for dinner, if inclined you can read it here, http://lifeofanindianhomemaker.blogspot.com/2008/04/i-now-pronounce-you-man-and-cook-you.html

Monika,Ansh said...

Thanks. I read that and had a good laugh. I seriously need that kind of opportunity. In my kind of joint family, I never HAD to do it. & I cannot even boil rice. But I know that if it really comes to it, I'll be a quick learner :)

Pinku said...

that was a strange kind of conversation going....that can happen only amongst those who dont care to be politically correct with each other...

I think what your friend yearns for is the ideal picture of a daughter that parents who dont have one, have.

you know like those who dont have a son imagine that had he been there he would always repair all that was wrong etc etc...

Guess reality always is different from the imagined.

Indian Home Maker said...

Pinku Yeah, true, girls are not always girlie girls. Just like boys may have no interest in daddy's pastimes.

indyana said...

You've been tagged by me!

Does it matter said...

Opinions, opinions, opinions.

If all people thought the same way, would blogging have existed, I wonder..

my space said...

friends are good fun..
Don`t u feel that stereotyping has been shattered to a grt extent? Yes my mom forced us to learn cooking,sewing even embroidery and knitting,crochet etc (and i m so happy to have these skills now-although at that point I ABSOLUTELY detested mom!)..i have never even thought about teaching any of these only to my daughter..my son is more into cooking and baking..
But I do agree that gender stereotyping is very much around

manju said...

IHM, you are not letting go of the subject of feminism, I see.:)

Now read my post in answer to your tag, and tell me what you think.:)

Mampi said...

You are just like me on chat. Hahaha. I sometimes behave like that, making the other person see the point.
Loved it. Thanks for sharing it 'unedited'

Ritu said...

I hated cooking and refuse to embroider, crochet and mend even now. My sons are really good cooks, my DIL refuses to enter the kitchen. Frankly she is such a bad cook, am grateful she doesnt try to cook ;). Gender stereotyping is there only if you want to look at things that way.

Rockus said...

Hmm..it does make sense now...most of girls start yawning once I start talking about the non-entertaining issues like politics and tech. I can see from this conversation that many of these girls are programmed to be uninterested with the excuse that those things are male stuff.

Indian Home Maker said...

Indyana Will do it asap :)

Does it matter Yes, lol yes, the best part of blogging is lots of opinions :)

My space Yes it has been shattered, and thank God :) Both my kids enjoy experimenting in the kitchen too.
Gender stereotyping also is more of lip service ... though some people still do genuinely believe some jobs are meant for a particular gender!

manju This was in the drafts, I thought now that we are on the subject might as well post it :))

Mampi LOL I try not to do it :( ... but there are some issues that simply get my goat :)

Rockus You know it does happen, we do programme boys to never cry and to take no interest in their appearance, and girls to be uninterested in Politics!
What a loss of talent :(

Indian Home Maker said...

Ritu LOL @ "Frankly she is such a bad cook, am grateful she doesnt try to cook ;)"

Proud of you Ritu!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jira said...

In most cases it is the parents who assign gender roles to their kids. The girl will learn cooking, while the boy will be handy arnd the house. If the parents are open minded, I guess that is one step towards not instilling such sterotypes at a young age!

I've only heard too many guys mention to their wives, "my mom never asked for help in the kitchen". If only she had!

Indian Home Maker said...

Jira And in India there are some jobs that are considered beneath men! We can so easily remove these prejudices by not letting our children be trapped into stereotyped roles.
But fortunately this is changing :)

Monika said...

oh my mom and me always have these gender stereo typing arguments... though we were all sisters so it was all the same and I dont know a thing of the girly stuff.. cant even stich a button together properly after marriage when my trouser's button broke, hubby did it for me and my mil freaked out....

its all the conditioning that we do since birth which makes the differences... starting from the toys we buy.... cars, trucks, building blocks for boys.... dolls, kitchen sets etc for girls... it starts right there and never ends

Nita said...

Hey, nice post! Great idea for a post too. So true, our kids turn out exactly how we let them! If we let them!
Me too am interested in many "masculine" pursuits, but also some "feminine" ones! So what does that make me? :)

Indian Home Maker said...

Monika True, it's just conditioning. We do them so much harm by discouraging them from pursuing their natural interests.

Nita LOL :))) Me too love driving and exercising; also love dancing and painting .. What does that make us!!?

Usha Pisharody said...

True to form, the speaker-up-for-rights-for-all... lol!

Loved the chat, and yes, why is it that people will simply not let go of gender bias even with their own kids?

A former Principal of our school once pulled up a group of girls who were playing cards [they should not have, that is another thing altogether], during a free period; tenth class. The way she got at them was laughable- she said something like - how can you do this [play cards] being girls??? - the girls, one of them, went really hyper, but sensibly did not say anything there, though later she came to me [was temporarily in charge of that class] and asked me how it is that someone so "learned" could have such an opinion.. ! Girls cant? So boys can? It was difficult, but I did sympathize, empathize really, and told her that I could not offer any other explanation other than the fact that She was a very traditional and conventional, old fashioned person, perhaps, and so let it just be.. :D Felt guilty as hell, for not raising the issue then, and still do, but you reminded me of that now with this post!

Things aren't v much different even now, as far as such thinking goes, but the only difference is that I have decided to be more vocal.. lol! I insist that girls play cricket and football [they have lessons about them, and they need to know, lol!] just to know more about the game.. and more tomboys please..:D The boys are like... :-o!!!

Have rambled on more than I should have.. :) I loved this chat, really did!

Indyeah said...

reminded me of a chat with a friend whos the closest to my heart...and we dont worry about being polite and all or pc too:)