Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I never can sit and watch injustice.

Tagged by Indyana. Well what do 'I never...'?
I can never sit and watch injustice. I think nobody should. And there is always something we can do. This brilliant advertisement shows how little it takes to deter a bully from taking full advantage of our diffidence and indifference. Please do Bell Bajao. (Do ring the door bell)

Today morning I made my two maids watch this. The look on their faces brought a lump to my throat.

Thanks to Monika whose post reminded me of my resolve to spread the word about these inspiring breakthrough advertisements I was awestruck by their simplicity and ... well whoever directed these videos has a fan :)

I pass this tag to Kislay Chandra, Unmana, Ajit and homecooked. Would love to know when do they say "I never...".


Monika said...

I like ur idea of making the maids watch it.... bravo will do it too

Ajit said...

I can never... err.. say NO TO FOOD....
does that count :)

sunder said...

- I never can sit and watch injustice---i wish i could be like that...

Indian Home Maker said...

Monika They are surprised to know that this can be considered a serious offense, that it is not being brushed aside as 'a family matter' :(

Ajit LOL No this won't do :) You will have to elaborate!!!

Prithi Shetty said...

Wow ! Those are really awesome videos. Thanks for putting them up.

Monika,Ansh said...

Very nice ads..have not seen them anywhere though.Wonder why.

It's really nice that u got your maids to see them.

Indyana said...

Absolutely terrific! hats off to your take my tag! thanks for doing it! And btw, although my mum did not go through much violence, she underwent a good deal of verbal abuse...I wish there had been someone to ring the bell on our door !

How do we know said...

Look, i m not sure i agree.. to go to someone's house and ask for ball or doodh.. just puts a temp brake on that one instance of domestic violence.. does it not? Since everyone else likes the concept a lot, guess i must be missing something here..

Mampi said...

Thanks for sharing.
Had never seen them.
Yes, one must must must take a step to interfere in this no-obtrusive way and yet make a difference.

Usha Pisharody said...

Just watched the videos; thank you for bringing them out here for so many of us to share in.

Brought a lump to my throat as well. Indeed, it is this sort of sitting up and taking notice, and putting away indifference, and just making it slowly but surely stop; making the offender aware that it has been noticed and it does make a difference to a third person, who not is willing to simply stand and watch, in such a manner that makes difference.

The short films themselves are a wonder. Another fan here.

Indian Home Maker said...

Sunder Doesn't mean I always succeed in doing something :(
... just manage to make a lot of noise and/or show support to the victim sometimes ... :(
That's life!

Indian Home Maker said...

prithi shetty Yes, I love them too.

Monika.ansh I saw them Ten Sports while husband was watching some cricket match.

how do we know Generally people consider domestic violence a 'family matter' which makes the perpetrator feel no guilt, by ringing the bell, we are saying Domestic Violence is not acceptable. It gives moral support to the victim and makes the abuser know she is not alone, there's someone beside her. Read my post on it, we just spoke to the couple ... we were not sure what was going on ...

Mampi if it simply doesn't work in an unobtrusive way, then one must not give up and leave the poor victim alone. Domestic violence is not a family matter.

Usha Pisharody Did you see the look on the faces of the little cricket team? I liked that, it is also a message to the little boys many of who are victims today. Loved the ad the moment I saw it, they should show it on DD so that everybody can see it, even in the villages.

Indian Home Maker said...

Indyana I am sorry about your mum, yes I also wish somebody had rung the bell at your door then, or intervened in any other way. I hope she is fine now.
It might make you feel better to know that these things, despite every negative influence are getting better, will keep getting better. Hugs, IHM

Homecooked said...

Wow...nice advertisements IHM....lovely! And it was nice of you to show the maids. Atleast they'll know that what their husbands do is wrong....that it is "gharelu hinsa" . I didnt know the hindi term for it.

Suma said...

those advt were brilliantly done...I had never watched them before...

Indian Home Maker said...

Homecooked Do make more people become aware of these. If we can help we must.

Praveen said...

thnks 4 sharing this..
absolutely mindblowing

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

I just linked your post in my latest post. Though I already know your views, it would be great if you can comment.

1conoclast said...

My younger sister showed me these ads. They're much needed of course. Mass distribution will help.

I am now going to say something that will undoubtedly be interpreted as controversial:
This alone is not important. It's important to understand why men behave like that. I have seen some of them suffer from rage issues that need to be treated with counselling not through public policing & humiliation. And I have seen women push men to absolute exasperation. What you want to teach the male in these situations is self-control, removing himself from the situation etc.
What you also want to teach the woman is not to allow the situation to escalate.

All form of violence is bad. Painting domestic violence a shade blacker isn't the solution.

Anyone who saw Sambhavna Seth's behaviour on Bigg Boss recently will know that she narrowly escaped a whacking.

Indian Home Maker said...

1. You say,'What you also want to teach the woman is not to allow the situation to escalate.'
So you think IF A WOMAN OR ANY PERSON DOES ALLOW the situation to escalate, they may deserve 'a whacking'?

2.'And I have seen women push men to absolute exasperation.'
There are many situations where humans get exasperated, a man might find his Boss very exasperating, or a traffic policeman, or his mother, his father (most men find their dads exasperating at some point in their lives).
Women find their husbands, in laws, neighbours, colleagues, and of course bosses exasperating.
Teenagers are most easily exasperated. Politicians find voters most exasperating. Would you consider 'counselling not through public policing & humiliation' in each of these cases, or do you think IN A DEMOCRACY ALL ARE EQUAL EXCEPT WOMEN, who must learn to improve their 'behaviour'?

3. 'Painting domestic violence a shade blacker isn't the solution.'

Domestic violence is the MOST RAMPANT AND THE MOST UNREPORTED of all the violence, most of the time men are convinced that they are justified. Sadly many women also believe the same. (Read my linked posts)

What causes domestic violence?
1. Liquor.

2. An unstable and frustrated mind.

3.Sometimes a man who genuinely believes he is justified in 'teaching the woman a lesson'.
In such a case there is no guilt, he genuinely thinks he is justified in beating her. He is obviously convinced he knows better.(Hitler psychology).

4. There's also this feeling that the man is burdened by responsibilities, while the woman just has to obey and 'be a good wife' to live in comfort, and be taken care of by the men in the family.

5. "Where else will he get his frustrations out?" If the situation is frustrating and he is not up to handling it, he does not lose control in front of his boss and anyone physically, or emotionally stronger. He pounds a woman forced by the system to be dependent on him, a woman who is so conditioned to be helpless and weak that even if she is physically stronger, she is unlikely to hit him back. He knows all this. Yes this sick mind needs counseling but he also needs to know - first and foremost, that his behaviour is socially, morally and legally unacceptable. These brilliant ads are a very effective first step in that direction.

Most men who are violent come from violent homes. Abused children grow up to be violent citizens. Violence leads to crimes. Violence should be nipped in the bud.

But the biggest reason for punishing, policing, condemning and humiliating any perpetrator of domestic violence is that no human should control, humiliate or hurt another human.
Domestic violence, without any other horrible consequences, is still absolutely wrong and condemnable. Period.
Democracy has to begin at home.

1conoclast said...


Like I said it was going to be controversial. It's a point of view at variance with the generally held careful opinion.

First things first. Theoretically I am against all violence. All forms of it. Verbal, Physical, Browbeating, the Internet violence I indulge in!

1. No one deserves a whacking. Not little kids. Not students. Not wives. Not husbands. Not pickpockets on local trains/buses. No one.

2. My problem is that people think that a playground brawl is OK. That whacking a younger sibling or cousin as a kid is OK. Parents (figuratively) not sparing the rod is OK. Teachers twisting ears of students, issue verbal lashings is OK.
Henpecked husbands are not a championable cause. (In a democracy all are equal except henpecked husbands?)
If you have to tackle domestic violence, you have to tackle the violent streak that is instilled from childhood. Only when man understands that hitting ANYONE is not OK, that hitting out is the WRONG RESPONSE, will there be a difference. If he's programmed to think that the occasional slap is a valid response to exasperation, there can be no lasting solution.
That's Part A of the solution.
Part B is tempering aggravating behaviour. Younger siblings can frustrate, hit & bite. Cousins can be a pain in the @$$! As is the neighbourhood bully. As is the shrew of a wife. All of them also need to be taught good behaviour. Not to be verbally violent/abusive/aggravating.
With Part B being implemented in all homes, since childhood, Part A has a much stronger chance of a very high success rate.
Without this, only expecting self-control, a supremely calm & stable mind from all men is to expect all men to be like Gandhiji or Buddha.
You have to make them like Buddha.
And that won't happen with tales of bravery & valour in the battlefield!
Instead of just using these videos, why can't we have widespread counselling sessions/child psychology lessons in affected areas/classes? Aren't there enough feminist psychologists who want to volunteer for a good cause?

I agree with your point 5.

But where did you get the idea that I was condoning domestic violence. I was only trying to peel the layers away so that we who are so used to seeing only the upper layer, can examine the problem in it's entirety.

Lastly, teaching the woman how to de-escalate the situation is a self-defence mechanism, not a new-age subjugation mantra.