IHM: The post is about many different kind of people living in the same society. There will be modern and conservative families. There will also be criminals and anti social elements in a society.
We need to make sure all crimes are punished to set good examples. No excuses for any crimes, including those against women.If the hormonal/testosterone problem is very severe I once read the French government suggested some simple hormonal treatment to cure such anti social men, who are just not able to control themselves from raping/molesting. (being sarcastic)
Sex crimes are a result of Provocation or Opportunism?
Considering how such men only get provoked when they are in cowardly gangs, on lonely roads, when women is are from poorer classes, when there is little chance of being punished etc, it sounds like it has nothing to do with seeing a good looking woman and suddenly being provoked into molesting.
Miss B: Any woman should be able to wear what she wants anywhere, and for that matter, so should men, but if we go by that ideology, then nudism should be perfectly acceptable in all spheres of society too. We should all be able to keep our doors unlocked when we leave home and also to keep our valuables on the table unattended while we nip to the toilet in a busy cafe too. However, human nature is unpredictable and thus we must always be on our guard. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance”
IHM: Be on your guard by all means.
Learn karate. Keep a cell phone, keep pepper spray, take a friend along - but don't fall into this trap of believing that being dressed 'modestly' will protect you.
And do get out, do dress up, if everybody locked themselves in their houses, the streets will only become more unsafe, and then if you are forced due to some emergency ....
About Nudism? I don't know if this is relevant here but acceptable or not, even nudism is no excuse for a man to get provoked into raping a woman.
According to the law, even a prostitute cannot be raped.
Miss B: You messed it, In fact men like to look at such women who reveal their assets, who make private things public.
IHM: They are free to look. Only look. Appreciate? Sure.
Pass remarks? Touch? Molest? No. We live in a civilised society. They need to be taught that in a civilised society they may not touch anything that looks good to them. And they may not dare to touch another human passing by on the road without their permission.
Miss B: Ha ha,if that was they case,why don’t they wear such revealing dress inside their house and in front of family alone ? When she wears it to public,the message is simple-that she feels good being looked at,maybe by men or maybe by women. Isn’t this ‘feel good’ thing called attention seeker?
IHM: I assure you thousands of women in the more civilised societies, India’s bigger cities, developed world, in villages, in slums do not get molested for looking attractive, but because they are not in a position to get the culprit punished.
Maybe women feel good when men and women look at them. Maybe they just look good for themselves. That’s their problem. Molesting a woman is still not permissible.
Miss B: So tell me why do you dress in a way that will attract comments.?
IHM: Because In have no idea what will NOT attract comments except teaching the commenter a lesson. Do you think a sari or a burka will stop comments? Read this, in a country where women are forever being stoned/lashed for getting raped , where they are covered from head to toe, they still get comments and they can’t even dare to complain, they have car accidents because .. read this to know what blaming the victim can do. Is this normal life?
This can happen to us.
This also shows why we need women in positions of decision making.
Miss B: Agreed, but why do you get offended at somebody else’s comment if you feel you are right?
IHM: We get offended because we know we are right. And we know there are a few who, against all logic, will try to tell us that no matter how we are dressed or how we live or what our age, the commenter was provoked and we are to be blamed.
Miss B: Tell me why you women want to portray yourself as sexual objects while you go on 40 km essays on asking men to stop viewing women as sexual objects? When you yourself feel and is proud of being a sexual object, why do you complain about others looking at you through such glasses..?
IHM: Women do not want to be sexual objects.
Their bare arms, their legs, their eyes, faces, elbows, feet, hair let loose have not been created for men.
Every part of her body has a purpose. The legs are meant to take her places, to run, jump, to help her swim (in practical swimming costumes too), the nose needs to breath fresh air, the eyes need to see the open sky and trees and the world. Just like men’s eyes, nose, legs and arms.
When we ask her to cover her body to avoid provoking men into crimes, then we make her a sexual object.
She should be wearing whatever makes her comfortable, not perspiring in layers to feel (unrealistically) safe. Nothing is as unsafe as these layers of covering and hypocrisy.
These layers that cover her also keep her silent. We know of women who are victims of incest, abuse and torture but never dare to speak, because they know they will be made to feel like it's their fault. All this starts from 'you did not dress/talk/walk/smile etc right'.
Women must have an equal voice in the society, in law making, in education, in science labs, in war strategies, in the parliament everywhere. Such thinking might discourage them from stepping out, it does put women at a huge disadvantage.
Miss B: Tell me something,when women know that there are some sick devilish men out there in the society,should she opt to take care herself by dressing modestly,or should she go around enrolling all eve teasers to mental asylum..Tell me which of the two choices is practical?
IHM: What exactly is dressing ‘modestly’? Do the perverts get to make this decision and then guarantee women freedom from sexual crimes? Why do all civil societies (I don’t consider Taliban and Saudi Arabia civil societies) and women object to this?
Are crimes against women really related to the way we dress? Are women traditional Indian clothing safe from sexual assaults? If they are not then is it possible that we are imprisoning and controlling women in the name of protection?
Clothing is symbolic. When we tell women to dress to prevent provocation-related crimes aren’t we indirectly but very clearly telling the men that women and not they are responsible for such crimes?
Miss B: Yes,I am aware of the double faceted hypocrisy. I agree that society should provide a safe environment for all its citizens and not punish women for the few criminal men who can nor control their urges. But then again, how can government take care of each and every single citizen in the country?We have our share of responsibility..The bottom line is that in public some modesty is required to avoid problems.
IHM: The fact is that safer cities for everyone else are automatically safer for women too. This shows that if the law of the land is upheld, women (and hence families) are also safer.
A lot of harm is done when we justify such crimes. We need to unequivocally condemn any such acts and shift the shame from the victim to the culprit.
Punish a few, condemn all, and see the difference it makes. It will also give the girls and women and their families the confidence to give back to the guys, we will see bystanders also pitching in to thrash a molester.
Men who attack do that only because they know that there is a strong chance that they can get away with it. When we talk of provocative dressing we give them a very strong message that they will not be blamed. That's a very dangerous message to give in a civil society.
Miss B: I completely agree with you that women are not responsible for crimes committed on them and I agree with the ‘She did not ask for it’ theory.But in our real life.theories have less importance than practicals..I agree that as far as the dress code is concerned, the problem is the uneducated and ignorant observers not the dresser. Having said that, a person cannot but be mindful since there are just too many uneducated and ignorant people out there.So,it your choice whether you choose to be daring and outgo these vultures..But trust me,it is better to take care..“The stronger sex is actually the weaker sex because of it’s weakness for the weaker sex.”
IHM: If everybody had always lived in such fears women would still be wearing traditional clothing of their native places.
The fact is they don’t, that without really thinking about it, women realise that what they are allowed to wear is symbolic of how much freedom and equality they have. Along with economic independence, success, wealth comes the freedom to enjoy looking good and having fun.
So long as criminals of all kinds including sex crimes are punished to set good example for a good, civil society, we will find we are on our way to a better, more equal society.
Society gets used to anything, instead of getting them used to watching women being molested, let them get used to women walking freely, looking good, looking sexy and still not being assaulted.
I am being idealistic?
Here’s a self confessed pervert, read what keeps him well behaved (From Nimmy’s blog)
Dabir Dalton said
Years ago during an eye exam the female dr. who sat directly in front of me during the exam was wearing a low cut blouse and the way she sat gave me a clear view inside her blouse…This made me very uncomfortable because I knew that if I said anything it would have been me who would have been charged with sexual harassment due to the double standards promoted by feminists like Miss A…Since then as much as possible I make certain to have my wife tag along whenever I have an appointment with an immodest female professional…]
Indian Homemaker said
Doesn’t this show that fear of punishment makes all kind of men behave best? In a world full of people of all kinds making everybody responsible for their own behaviour seems to be the most practical thing to do. -IHM
This simply sums up whatever I have been trying to say.
NOTE: Published it, but I am going to be trying to edit it to make it shorter, I realise it's too long.