When I mentioned the babies in an orphanage to a friend she wondered how adopting parents feel, do they love the biological children the same way they love/or would have loved their biological children? How do the children feel? Do they show curiosity about their biological parents?
How frankly can you ask how they feel?
What I do know is a friend has adopted both her children, a daughter and then a son. The daughter is amongst my favorite kids, the son is still rather young and since he's much younger than my kids, I haven't interacted much with him, but he is a typical baby of the family. They talk openly about adoption the children have visited many orphanages and are cool with being adopted.
Another acquaintance has adopted a daughter, she had a biological son. Didn't see much of them, but the parents were motivated to give home to a baby, and they did it!
Another couple with similar motivation had a biological daughter and they adopted a boy. I found out he was adopted in a Birthday party. A bunch of seven years old kids were discussing how each was born! One announced "I am a cesarean, my mother's stomach had to be cut to take me out!" Another said, "My umbilical chord was wrapped around my neck, I could have choked!!" Another said, "I was a normal delivery, when I was born I cried very loudly!" Wide eyes for a brief moment then all interest lost. Another one simply announced that he was born 'pure white and very cute'. Then they asked a child, who was adopted, how he was born, and he said "I did not come from my mother's tummy! I came from her heart." No reaction from the rest of the kids, they continued their proud stories...but I had tears in my eyes.
Another friend adopted a boy after years of unhappiness, trying to have a biological child. This boy is nine now, a precocious adorable child, he has performed a miracle for his family. Her only regret is she waited so long, but she says, maybe she was waiting for HIM to be born :) In this case I need not ask any questions, the child is her life. They do not like to talk openly about adoption.
I have seen all these children grow up to into regular kids -no different from biological children :)
I also know two adults who were adopted from within the families, in both cases lots of bitterness was caused because the biological mother never forgave anybody for having to give up her baby. (Can't blame her, I would have felt the same way, I wouldn't have given the baby up under any conditions though....). In another case the boy and his wife lives with his Uncle and Aunt (adopted parents), there is no great affection, he lives with this Uncle and Aunt, he does not call them his parents. They adopted him because they had no son, they have two successful, bright daughters, who will get nothing from their parents' or should it be, father's property!
Once a friend confided in me about being pressurized by her in-laws to give up her baby, (it was going to be a girl) to a close relative. She was told she should be grateful since this adoption would give her the opportunity to 'try' again for a boy! She was ashamed of being too selfish to make this sacrifice! I told her my favorite Pukar story. She told them she would not give up her child let her have ten daughters, she'd love them all. Finally the relative adopted a baby girl from an adoption agency and are very happy now.