Many bloggers have already written about this article ( I was very pleased to see how many of us don't take nonsense of this kind). Frankly this article and the basic values that it preaches are the root of all that is wrong with our culture.
There is absolutely NO TALK of mutual respect and give and take.
Let me share some of his wisdom with you, he accepts suspicion and mistrust as a way of life for the new bride. Uttam Dave says, 'Gossiping and being extra-talkative with your neighbours, maids, etc, often tends to be injurious to your relationships....' The girl is a fool, does not know what to say and to whom; makes the in-laws sound like control-freaks.
How is a new bride expected to respect and learn from a woman who he projects as a vamp who does not want her to develop a real relationship with her own pati parmeshwar? (Uttam Dave says: Love for your partner can often breed jealousy and malice towards your in-laws, especially if he’s close to his mother) Are all real Indian MILs so immature and vicious? Reminds you of Kahani Ghar ghar ki and K serials ? He actually recommends, Ekta Kapoor style scheming, meekness in the face of all injustice and total amnesia as far as your own (biological) family is concerned. He should have met my dad!
HERE'S WHY EDUCATED (but patriarchal) INDIANS ABORT THEIR UNBORN DAUGHTERS.
1. Son brings the power to rule over a girl from another family, in fact the power to rule over her entire family. A Daughter will cause heartache, knowing she is expected to live like this. Not to mention the dowry you have to arrange to give her THIS future. [Pray, Why not give her a good education and freedom instead??]
2. What happens to those enlightened families that did not use female foeticide to procure a male child? Shouldn’t their daughters be ‘allowed’ to take care of their 'biological' parents? If we follow Dave’s formula no Indian parents will want daughters. According to Uttam Dave it's okay if : Certain men never let in their wives into finance matters for the sheer mistrust that she will surreptitiously send money and gifts to her biological family members.
And what about these men's families? They are allowed to send money and gifts to their biological families?
3. Uttam Dave thinks we must accept without a murmur that, In the Indian context, the onus for overall adjustment in life always lies largely with the woman.
Why crimes against women are on increase. Men in such a scenario grow up believing that any woman who does not fit into this mould must be ‘asking for it’ or deserves to be shown no respect. When girls are given all the preaching on adjusting, there's never any talk of boys making any efforts to make a relationship work, then is it surprising that they start believing that it's their privilege and right?
4. Think of these men’s trauma when they meet competition from successful female colleagues who do not pander to their egos? No mamma/Uttam Dave’s Counseling to protect them in office? And female bosses!? Unlike their submissive wives, their colleagues don't think they have a 'Divine Right to have all women tread cautiously on their fragile male egos’.
5. Men also need to be brought up to be responsible adults, not like immature adolescents. Such a system does exactly the opposite. If they can treat women with respect in their office, and at school as kids, then they can be made to learn to play fair at home with their life-partners also. How do modern day husbands react to Uttam Dave’s advise?
6. This article makes an average joint family members appear so villainous, the article might scare away any genuine affection a girl does have for her in laws.
The Ekta Kapoor kind of autocratic patriarch ruled joint family system that Dave projects seems to rest on a sort of compromise that accepts injustice, inequality and IN-LAW dominance as its premise. Unless this changes, no bridal-counselling can save the Great Indian Joint Family System which excludes a girl’s family completely.
Some MUST READS :)
The doormat’s guide to a lasting marriage
Unchahi - a voice against female genocide
Women have feelings too
Vintage Sexism in a new avatar
