Sunday, February 8, 2009

Not just a pair of jeans...

A man in Haryana beat his wife in the market for wearing jeans while shopping with her parents.
Why was it such an issue?

He said she was wearing jeans.

Do you know what that means?

What was his fear?

Isn’t it clear?

Jeans symbolise more than just what she wore!

Tomorrow she could ask for more?

Ask to keep her girl-child?

Education and a right to work?

This didn’t please the jerk...
Did he see a pair of comfortable jeans become second skin?
Did he see how jeans would let her catch fast moving buses?
Or jump fences ...
Or hop and skip with ease?
How jeans don’t slow you down...

How jeans don’t trip you,
No a pair of jeans doesn't...
And he probably saw more.

He worried it made her see,
The double standards of his hypocrisy.

Do you think being able to wear what we like is really important?

If a man says you must give up wearing jeans,
I would say
Refuse to be his wife,
Run for your life ...!

Watch out.

‘Cos I think.

Double standards stink.

What could I possibly mean!?
Isn't it just a pair of blue jeans?
It isn't.

Mangalore bans it.
Taliban cans it.
Grand parents berate it.

All hypocrites hate it.

Our conditioning is so good.

Men can wear jeans, if they would.

Fat men, thin men

Bachelors and married men
Men who are old

And not so old men.
But women?

We must look good in jeans.
And still be considered too bold. Men!
Sari and shalwar are permitted to most
but for jeans you must a perfect figure boast?

Think about it, there's no doubt,
Jeans seem to have a lot of clout!

We have been reconciled,

Those jeans might make us wild.

Do jeans make a statement?

Do they symbolise our freedom?

More than just the convenience of wash and wear jeans?

Does a pair of denim jeans

And a disproving frown

Remind you that it is okay ...

To be women ?

To look like women?

Thin women, fat women,

Don’t care if they are stared at women?

To walk tall,

And run,

To matak if we please women.

To care not two hoots...

To not live for approval?

Make eye contact and

Keep an eye woman!

And watch who supports!

Watch the language of the guy who courts!

Does he offer respect in exchange of freedom?


Lol anyway, it’s easier to run in jeans : )


Biju Mathews said...

I don't understand what so wrong in a pair of jeans? It's one of the most comfortable pair of dresses a woman can wear to hide her nudity. This is the limit!

Bones said...

The main reason chauvinistic men don't like women wearing jeans is because it would make it easier for women to kick them where it hurts most more easily...

Usha Pisharody said...

Ahaaaa! I loved this post, for all the reasons I love jeans, for all the reasons that you have put up this post, for all the reasons, that you too have given, most of all for the comfort it gives me :) And as Biju Mathews says, it is a far better garment than some of the saree and blouse or even salwars! and yes, you can Run Wild!! [Is that what they fear??? :D!]

Would you believe, after an age I wore a pair of jeans, yesterday when I went to my bank, and found so many eyes popping out, quite discreetly, no doubt, but they did! And I had a blast :) That is why that rhyme came up on Dhiren's post too.. LOL! [Out here, like in a lot of places it's not done, esp if you are 40+..LOLzzz!]

Thank you1 And as always, you rhyme awesomely!

By the way, this did happen?? In Haryana? My GoD! Terrible.

so let us hear it for Jeans, and jeans, and jeans.. :)

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

So the list for the 14th is a bottle of booze, a ciggie, a sleeveless top AND a pair of jeans. Check.

Reema said...

Really I fail to understand what is there in jeans that makes guys on streets ogle more than they usually do. And I dont even wear halter tops or stuff like that..a simple kurta and jeans is what I wear and I think it is more decent than a sari which in my opinion exposes more. Its just been hyped to be "Indian and decent" by men only.

There are many families I know where the bahus are "not allowed"to wear salwar suits even after marriage!!

moon's muse said...

This really is after my own heart.I am completely a jeans freak.While my parents never stopped me from wearing it,no matter where I wanted to,my relatives did frown upon it at times and Oh Lord!my college people being in small city did make an issue out of it.Did that deter me from donning a pair?No sir.

Because giving up on jeans meant giving up for what I believed and I knew I wasn't ready to do that.However I still hope I am married into such a family where wearing jeans on daily basis(not just on holidays) for the daughter-in-law is allowed because I can't imagine myself draped in six yards and looking after the pallu while running from the wards to the emergency rooms.

shail said...

Yeah, tell me why the discrimination?? Men can wear jeans, but women must stick to sari and salwars??!!
The whole world admires sari. But for me it is the symbol of the dress code imposed on women. I have grown up hearing its virtues drummed into me vis-a-vis trousers/jeans or anything 'western'! It is not that I hate it per se. But since it has been pushed down my throat as the good Indian girl's must-wear dress, I have rejected it mentally. And for that reason I prefer not to wear it. My little 'rebellion in my tea cup'!! ;)
Loved your post as it spoke my mind as usual.

Anonymous said...

woho! i never thought a pair of jeans can insight so much of thought.. and wearing jeans is comfortable and somehow a part of us.. Men have no rights whatsoever to ban it for us!!!

Nids said...

Oh what would life be without a pair of jeans....I just so mush love them...for the freedom it gives.
Good timing good rhyming and good perspective :)

Nimmy said...

Loved this IHM,especially the
Mangalore bans it.
Taliban cans it.
Grand parents berate it.

But i diagee with you on

If a man says you must give up wearing jeans,
I would say
Refuse to be his wife,
Run for your life ...!

Its not that easy honey..Where dow e run to?To our parents who married off us and will frown at me coming abck just in the name of a cloth? Trust me.99% of peopel will say 'adjust with him '..Any doubt?

As you said,wearing jeans is not about dressing ,but about making a statement,one which men fear of..They start weaving stories 'Today jeans.tomorrow she will start questioning me,so stop when it is at jeans ' :-/

Mampi said...

Its been a while since I left a comment on your blog. I must confess though, like Ritu's web, IHM's place is totally irresistible. So, I used to go on reading post after post that you wrote on my cell-phone. Since my typing skills were totally limited on the cell, I had to wait till I could login here and leave a comment. All your posts-on the Mangalore incident, on the dress-code needlessness, on the insecurity of the Ravan Sena, on the necessity of putting together both the sexes for a healthier society-all register deep in my heart. They sometimes make me laugh (yes, one of them did, the one on Manusmritit), they enrage me, they make me laud you, they make me stand in awe of IHM and wonder what kind of a crusader this this. They make me feel proud of myself for knowing you.
Keep it up. I promise to be regular now onwards, and leave comment on each and every single post the way I used to do.
Love you.

Phoenixritu said...

This is just great. I never thought jeans were an issue too. Pubs and noodle straps and now jeans. Wonder what comes next

Aathira said...

I think people are becoming more wary of the clothes and thoughts that women hold not post all this Mangalore incident!

I can not imagine a girl does not have the right to dress the way she wants even when her parents are completely fine with that!

Riya said...

I swear.. This is ridiculous.. How can anyone fight over what one should wear or not.. And that too jeans.. Its simply pathetic.. I know now we have to fight for these little little but important things.. In some small cities girls are not even aloud to wear salwar.. Only sarees aloud.. Thats really pathetic too..

Dr Roshan R said...

its really getting worse and worse.. as time proceeds, more and more ridiculous stories keep coming in the papers which frighten me.. how much longer will this crap go on, seriously?

Aaarti said...

Yikes!! what next? they gonna bring a rule that says women dont step out of their homes?? what a bunch of crap!!!! idiots all these men are!!!

I have a grudge against all who preach SAREE is the only attire for women.. do they know its the most revealing and sexiest of the lot?? bah!!!crazy world we are living in....!!!

Somebody needs to get these jobless A@#!#$ a job!!! :D

Indyeah said...

Awesome rhymes....:)A.B.S.O.L.U.T.E.L.Y awesome!!:)
Jeans are just a symbol of all that has been denied to us...all that we yearn for....
women are bound in useless customs,useless rituals,useless clothes/dresses....
Is it any wonder that sarees as beautiful as they are (and I absolutley love them)ARe now being left behind?
That in her heart of hearts ,each woman ,doesn't matter of which generation ,longs to wear it...fantasises about being able to wear it just once?

What an amazing post IHM!)This is now my favourite one:)

PS:-I broke a record...didnt get to post here lightning quick:(
*stupid comp*
I was the first one to read it too...within 6 minutes of posting:D
Do I sound like a lttle bratty kid?:D
I loveto be one of the first ones to leave a comment here:):)

@lankr1ta said...

Yes, Jeans are an issue- there are several families where daughters in law have been made to stop wearing their jeans- even as their sisters in law wear the jeans they no longer wear. And haven't people had the "dress nicely" injunction- as if showing inches of skin on the belly is "decent" enough- though of course decent saris are rarely the glamorous navel revealing affairs they "traditionally" are meant to be.
What I wonder at is the stupidity of telling an adult to dress in a particular way and the conformity with this the adult women told to do so accept it (and to my own disgust with myself, I have followed the "dress code"- but only once- with a lot of self loathing too). Makes me wonder what is next- think in a particular fashion, eat only somethings, us only a particular brand of soap, cosmetics?

vishesh said...

" Grand parents berate it. " not in my house :P

Indian Home Maker said...

@Biju Mathews I think Jeans have come to symbolise Equality and freedom :)

@Bones Rotfl !! Yes :)

@Usha Pisharody No, not claiming to rhyme well .. lol just a silly rhyme with a message, to lighten my foul mood, everything is wrong with whatever we hear in the News these days...
so let us hear it for Jeans, and jeans, and jeans.. :)

@Mamma mia! Me a mamma 'So the list for the 14th is a bottle of booze, a ciggie, a sleeveless top AND a pair of jeans. Check.' LOL love your check list! Please do add some red heart balloons :)

Anonymous said...

I remember my Nani telling me (the coolest Nani in the world may I add) that when she "let" my mum wear jeans a lot of fingers were pointed.. My nani wishes she could wear jeans..She tells me if I grew up with it..I would have...But alas!!! Im 20 dont know how to cook (Even make tea :P) or wash clothes but my brother who is 15 can... Not bcas I'm a girl and he is a boy...But bcas he wants to and likes too... I love that about my house!! :D

Indian Home Maker said...

@Reema And there's nothing very fancy about faded old jeans, more a convenience than anything ....
I know about bahus not being allowed to wear even salwar kurta - the attitude is if she is allowed something 'new', she is being given too much freedom.
Absolute hypocrisy and a wish to control another human, an adult at that!

@Moon's Muse You will find a family that has no hassles with your wearing jeans will generally be liberal otherwise also ... exceptions are there of course, but generally... And there are lots of such families these days :)

@Shail I agree ... sometimes I think the biggest reason I live in my jeans is not comfort (though that too) but a wish to refuse to conform ... and I have seen people get used to anything :)

@the pink orchid Jeans and noodle straps are being banned in Mangalore, India, (Karnataka) ... unbelievable but true :(
And they have threatened to molest any girls seen in such 'nude clothes'!
... we vote for such samples.

@Nids And now you have one more reason to love your jeans! A pair of blue jeans have come to symbolise a woman's independence and her right to individual freedom.

@Nimmy You are right, of course ... but this was more for those who are not yet married, they still have a chance ... I know they too have very little freedom, and are often not even allowed to meet the guy. But it's a matter of how much they value their freedom ...

@Mampi I missed you :(
Really did. So you had a great holiday? Glad you are back :)))
Thanks for laughing at Manusmriti, that's exactly what it deserves :)
And thanks -unlimited thanks for your wonderful encouraging words ... Love, IHM :)

@Phoenix Ritu Please, make sure you support the protest by wearing noodle straps and jeans, and do display some red hearts balloons on your front door :)

@Aathira A girl can and must wear whatever she likes and deems sensible - she has the brains to decide! This sort of hooliganism must be nipped in the bud :)

@Riya And just think girls are doing so well, even when they are so many restrictions! They have to fight the system and harassment and still we are quite definitely moving forwards ... so if Karnataka government is doing nothing, we can protest all over the rest of India by supporting the victims and their families and friends and all the other girls in Mangalore.

@Dr Roshan R Yes it is disheartening but not if we all show we are not going to take such nonsense. On 14th Feb, this valentine's day we have symbolic protests all over India ... do support it! Celebrate Valentine's day to show we decide what we wear, drink or how we live, not some class five drop out with 45 criminal cases pending against him.

@Aaarti Sari is fine, but why not let a girl decide what she'd like to wear. Also there are no rules for men to wear traditional Indian clothing? WHY?
I do hope you are going to celebrate Valentine's Day because 'this Valentine Day is about FREEDOM, INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS, LIBERTY, GENDER EQUALITY ... about upholding a Constitution we revere.'

Indian Home Maker said...

@Indyeah :)) lol No you don't sound like a bratty little kid, more like an adorable little kid :)
Saris are beautiful, I love saris as formal and festive wear, even occasionally work wear, or party wear BUT not for casual day to day wear, unless the wearer herself chooses it.
On one hand we talk about how girls should not be vain - on another we think they must wear sari because it is so beautiful ...
As usual we use clothes also as an excuse to hold back a girl, as a symbolic move, jeans make a great statement!

@Alankrita 'What I wonder at is the stupidity of telling an adult to dress in a particular way ' Absolutely. And not just tell, but enforce. And condemn, It's a very serious business here, if god forbid, the poor girl is harassed - she is not likely to get any sympathy ... because what else did she expect when she was dressed the way she was!
What do they say for victims of child abuse? And thousands of victims who only wear saris - and live on the roads, in villages and slums? It's astonishing how people believe that victims clothes cause sexual assaults but it is very deeply ingrained ...

@Vishesh Congratulations :) Please convey my respects to them ...I wish there were more grand parents like them :)

@RV Your nani is indeed really cool :) And she is also very brave! It's obvious that Muthalik has never heard of this India!
But you must write about your Nani's attitude towards your Mom, let mothers in newer generations see that courage is not just what we see in battle fields, but in our day to day lives. Hats off to your nani!

Piper .. said...

I had a friend in school who`s mom wouldnt allow her to wear jeans to her granny`s place!! she thought they might object! The mom was scared they would point fingers at her upbringing!!! God!

Solilo said...

Jeans too? I thought now that was something which covered entire legs and with a Indian Kurti over it. The most appropriate dressing according to the culture police. But then what do I know.

Our culture police I tell you wants to see women in those purana flimsy white saree.

Priyanka said...

Ah a jeans poem, well written :) I definitely wouldn't have married a man who didn't let me wear jeans. At one point I had nothing but jeans and t-shirts in my closet.

Chikki said...

Jeans symbolise more than just what she wore!
Tomorrow she could ask for more?
Ask to keep her girl-child?
Education and a right to work?

You really think so? that the guy would have thought so much? Well, I quite don't agree.Above wouldn't have come to his mind as far as i Know.

What he would have probably thought is about WHAT WILL OTHER ELDERLY PEOPLE THINK (MOSTLY ELDERS IN FAMILY, NEIGHBORHOOD), IF THEY COME TO KNOW THAT MY WIFE IS NOT A SARI-CLAD WOMAN, but someone who can wear Jeans ( still considered modern it most part of India, all non-urban places i.e ). This would probably give a bad name to me and my parents as well (part of his thought probably , not my comment :) ).

And trust me, the problem is not limited to a 'Man's bias against women'.It is more deep rooted. I have heard women talk about someone else's Bahu wearing jeans and how they make a fuss about it. Have you never heard such a woman from any woman?I really think, elderly women tend to be more fussy about this rule.

I remember my mom would always wear a SARI when her Mother in-law (my grand mother ) would come home.On a normal day, she never wears sari and feels comfortable in salwar-suit.
Similarly, I know my cousin brother's wife (My Bhabhi ) would never wear jeans in front of her mother-in-law (my aunt), but would wear otherwise.

I guess its more to do with the fact that the older generation is just not ready to see their Daughters (not sons though ) wearing jeans.Its not anything to do with "Tomorrow she could ask for more?. Trust me, best of families who don't mind their bahus going out and working, or have no problems with a gal-child whatsoever, will also object to her wearing jeans.

I really feel, you have portrayed wrong reasons.The topic you have chosen is awesome, we should write about it.But you have messed up your analysis for sure.

I guess that as the generations pass, more and more people will be ready to accept their bahus in jeans.I guess my mom will :-).And my Dad, he sure will, he's so much more liberal than my mom :).


Pixie said...

Oh yes! The whole jeans issue! :D
My favorite clothing... jeans and a kurtha - what could be more comfortable?!

It just makes men insecure... and change has always been met with resistance.... so, we are fighting more nowadays and voicingn our opinion and displeasure...
Things will get better.. for there hour before dawn is always the darkest...
With people voicing their displeasure and discontent - I think that we are finally being heard...

Usha said...

This is getting worse by the day. Everyone thinks that they can decide what women can/ should/ ought to do with her life and in her life.
I think this happens only when they know that the woman cannot fight back or that she has no recourse. May be he knows her parents would not take her side - perhaps they are happy to have married "off" the girl and heaving a sigh of relief -'one responsibility over"!
And if she were to take her case to the police station some male chuavinistic police inspector would refuse to treat it as a serious case and tell her to go and do seva to her husband and be a "good' woman. For him only murder, dacoity and political cases are important.
So naturally the man thinks he can get away with all this.
Shameful that this is happening in this day and age.

Ajit said...

This is brilliant IHM.....

and yes, it is easier to run in jeans... :)

Tarun Goel said...

Exactly the same [almost :)] I was also thinking. Today Pubs are banned, then Jeans then English, then one day girls will be banned. What are we supposed to do then :(
Go here, I guess all these "sainiks" are gay. Read about them here

Chhaya said...

only the insecure men find a pair of jeans so threatening for their very existence. But i guess women are more likely to judge a girl's character based on what she wears and if she has male friends/goes to pubs/ enjoys life :D

love your blog :)

Nimmy said...

I kinda agree with Chikki..More than from men,women face biased behaviour and harassment from women itself..There are mnay tiny tiny matters,which are of not much concern to men,but when it comes to MIL and others,they make it a big issue and thereby making the husband stand against the wife. Just for eg,if wife wear a salwar of her colour,which is of no problem to her husband,but when she comes downstairs,MIL syas 'Geez,are you wearing this dress to the function? "..Now husband too has issue with the dress.I have seen this many times and the readymade reply comes from husband 'Go,change your dress'...I am yet to see a husband whi says "No mamma,its ok,let her wear what she want"..

Masood said...

This is so sad. When is this going to end? Why are men so insecure?

And moreover, why do these men don't think twice before putting on a 'tight' pair of jeans?!? Why isn't that 'immoral'? Don't wanna go into descriptive specifics but sure can you understand what I mean!

Oh and don't forget a good pair of sneakers to go with the jeans while running! Comfy for the feet or do they have prob with that too?!!!

Solilo said...

Check this out

Chirag said...

Dude, Just a Jeans right.
Do you think being able to wear what we like is really important? Absolutely.

In Addition to the benefits you mentioned:
Jeans looker gooder when they are older
You always are comfortable in one
Any occasion just a jeans and T will do.

What makes it so scary escapes me. They should be happy as jeans was first worn by the labor class in the Gold Rush, before it became a fashion. Then a need. Well its a jeans, right???

Chirag said...

Also Jeans save a lot of time :) both in buying and before party :)

Mom, take 4 Hours to buy a Saree and Niki an hour to wear one. So I am happy with the jeans.

Devil Incarnate said...

Hmm another brilliant post frm u... i just want to post here a conversation that i heard recently..

DAUGHTER : Mom i am going to meet aunty today
MOTHER : Ok good, wt r u planning to wear?
DAUGHTER : That blue jeans, and white top.
MOTHER : JEANSSSSSSSSSS, wear salwar or saree
DAUGHETR :MOMMMMMM, Grrr, i am not going to
meet her then.
MOTHER : Areeee beta, ok u wear jeans, bt
wear a long kurta along with it.
DAUGHTER :Mommmm, thats too much, i am not
going to marry her son, i am just
paying a visit.
MOTHER : Acha teek, hein, bt plz tie ur hair.
DAUGHTER : Mom, wt is this, cant i b myself.
MOTHER : OK fine dear, actualy they are
very conservative, they wont like
all these things na.
MOTHER : No, its ok, i guess.

Monika said...

bang on IHM... its abt the control they loose... it symbolises freedom and much more

Ritu said...

Wow... That was just SUPER!!! Im forwarding this link to a few friends.. I want them to come to ur blog and read this... Would u mind?

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Anything can happen in Haryana, UP & Bihar! Now it seems this venom is spreading right down! I am sick and tired of these stupid sickos.....whenever will we come of age as a progressive nation! I wonder! Will I keep wondering, I hope not!

Indian Home Maker said...

@Chikki You have made some intersting observations, read my response

Indian Home Maker said...

@Piper I think mothers have to decide to bring up their children on their own without any tips and instructions from elders, neighbours and
aunts :)

@Solilo Even noodle straps are none of their business Solilo!

@Priyanka Same here! In fact it was a worry I had .. :))

Indian Home Maker said...

@Pixie Well said!!! ...change has always been met with resistance....
With people voicing their displeasure and discontent - I think that we are finally being heard...

Do you know the Ram Sena has taken back their threat? Or more like Karnataka Police has assured that they will protect the citizens!!

Of course we must still go ahead with our V day celebrations. These notions need to be nipped in the bud!

Indian Home Maker said...

@Usha I agree. The day a girl's parents start standing by her side, half the problem is solved. ...even the Politicians will know this citizen counts.

@Ajit LOL :)

@Tarun Goel I loved this one, of course he is gay why else is he after all hetero sexual couples :))
I have also left this link on Usha's blog :)

@Chayya THANKS :)
And I think women do this because this system keeps them insecure...

@Nimmy .. Husbands have been raised to obey and they might forget to use their own judgment. They can make a lot of difference in ending this cycle.

@Masood LOL Not yet heard about the sneakers being banned :)
High heels are more likely to be banned because they might fear being beaten with them :)

@Chirag LOL :))Yes time saving, easy to maintain, and can be worn for semi formal parties with formal tops and all ...
LOL :)

@Devil Incarnate This dialogue is so good, please make a post of it!
I think half the time parents are just being unsure, when they need to trust their own judgment and their child's. Loved this conversation!!

Indian Home Maker said...

@Monika :( true!

@Ritu Please do :) Honored that you should consider it worthy of it!

@rakesh vanamali You have no idea how good it is to see your anger! ...but you will be happy to know that today Karnataka government has announced that they will protect the citizens, and this I think is a result of all the Valentine day plans that the country is making :))

hitch writer said...

My wife needs to read this post badly... Coz i wanted her back in jeans.. I wouldnt let her eat sweets, icecreams, chocolates...

wake her up at 6 and drag her out of house to jog....

finally she is back in jeans... tell her I am so good and not a hitler... !!!!

really !!! lovely post....

This is new, some one is opposing wearing jeans tooo now...!!!!

hitch writer said...

did you get my comment ?

Anonymous said...

Loved it! Specially the rhyming parts.
Reminds of my promise me add to the Sanjay Dutt rhymes. I wrote it in my mind, saved it on word. But an absantee husband, sick daughter and 100 chores made me forget all abt it. Let me go and add to it now.

And Hey u know the Shiv fasting on mondays just ensures and excellent life partner, doesnt mean you want a Partner liek Shiv. And I can vouch it works. My husband did the 16 somvaar fasts :-) He is crazy like that. But see it worked. I didnt and so am paying the price now :-)

Bubbly Girl said...

hmmm I guess his dirty mind thinks that people would look at the exact shape of his wife... like the way he might be looking at other women wearing jeans. Beating wife for a simple reason that she wore jeans?? Such a beast he is to do that!

the mad momma said...

There's no end to it. The Taliban attacked two women, lifted their veils and thew acid on their faces - know why? because they were going to school. thats where we're heading.

amit said...

The guy definitely needs a shrink.

Nomad said...

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Best wishes.

Gorgeous said...

That was a nice poem.
I started to wear jeans only after my marriage.
It was my husband who encouraged me to wear jeans.
I really felt pity for that Haryana girl
Still there are some men with pre-historic thoughts who deserve to live in stone age.

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