tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post4333225958528029209..comments2023-09-23T21:10:38.319+05:30Comments on The Life and Times of an Indian Home Maker: Boys and Girls Holding Hands ...Indian Home Makerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10649133480442907582noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-13263412294486856042009-02-04T18:06:00.000+05:302009-02-04T18:06:00.000+05:30IHM, I have been a lurker on your blog for a while...IHM, I have been a lurker on your blog for a while, and I have to congratulate you for an amazing effort.<BR/><BR/>There are two points I would like to make.<BR/>1. Firstly about the caste, religion and region thing. Every few days I read another article in the papers about some couple committing suicide because their parents wouldn't allow them to get married. And I wonder how many more such stories are there which never come to the light. A year ago, I met an amazing woman and fell in love. She felt the same way about me, but she said her parents would never allow her to go for even an inter-caste marriage, let alone an inter-religious one, and she couldn't go against her parents will. We continued seeing each other for three months as we couldn't resist each other, but eventually she broke it off as she knew we could never take it any further. We are still in touch. She is now doing her higher studies in the US, and her parents are looking for a guy for her. She is a mature and sensible young lady, and she is independent enough that she has her own voice, so will only accept a guy whom she feels is suited for her, and with whom she can have a fairly happy married life. She won't be forced into a marriage against her will. But I am sure she will wonder what if things could have been different. And I don't know if I will ever meet someone as amazing as her ever again. I am sure our story is repeated thousands of times all over India. It is a tragedy. Maybe a small tragedy in comparison to all the rapes, the female infanticides, the dowry deaths... but a tragedy nonetheless.<BR/><BR/>2. It seems in the Mangalore incident, the goondas had informed the media well in advance. And the media promptly turned up with cameras rolling, but neglected to inform the police that they have information of a crime to be committed, which may not have made a difference anyway, and worse, neglected to inform the pub so that they could have arranged for security or shut down at the time the incident was planned. And thus the media allowed the goons to assault and molest some innocent young women, although it was fully in there power to prevent it. Our media is scum, every bit as bad as all the goons and Senas.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-64921047799981486822009-02-04T18:00:00.000+05:302009-02-04T18:00:00.000+05:30What's hidden behind the closet is far more intere...What's hidden behind the closet is far more interesting than what's out in the open. Holding hands in public is taboo, but having four kids per family (not to mention the various abortions traditional Indian women are (forced to) have, is completely within the accepted norms of Indian culture. No wonder India is set to become the most populated country in the world!<BR/>-http://writerzblock.wordpress.com/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-86844526089599829662009-02-04T17:41:00.000+05:302009-02-04T17:41:00.000+05:30IHM , firstly thanks for providing a link to my po...IHM , firstly thanks for providing a link to my post. I see lots of readers coming to me through your blog. <BR/><BR/>Here what i wanted to make a point was that the diversity in the life style of our society is responsible for creating pervertions. A young boy who has always seen female memebrs of his family or his village clad from head to toe in a 'ghoogat' or a 'burqa', when comes to a city for education or employment, suddenly finds girls and women dressed attractively and finds them irristible and develops pervertions. The taboo on free mixing of opposite sex freely in ourb society is to a great extent responsible for large number of rapes in our country, particularly cities.<BR/><BR/>Second point which i wanted to make here is that most of the times the preachers won't like to see their followers overtaking them. Like a mother will like her son to roar like a lion in front of her daughter-in-law but expects him to act like a mouse in front of her.Balvinder Ballihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05040171846198252874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-58374045191820512332009-02-04T15:40:00.000+05:302009-02-04T15:40:00.000+05:30I just read a news item that a 2 year old was rape...I just read a news item that a 2 year old was raped. I am in a state of shock. Obviously nothing will be done against such crimes but political parties will concentrate on petty things like going to pubs and holding hands.Vidyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10894042678589825258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-33121697377140389562009-02-04T14:27:00.000+05:302009-02-04T14:27:00.000+05:30I have linked to few of yor posts in my latest pos...I have linked to few of yor posts in my latest post. Wanted to thank you for writing such succinct posts!Poonam Sharmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06353705196113881323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-76721285738228714552009-02-04T13:33:00.000+05:302009-02-04T13:33:00.000+05:30our concept about marriage is screwed upfrom perso...our concept about marriage is screwed up<BR/><BR/>from personal experience :<BR/><BR/>same caste, same religion,she has a good job with good salary .. <BR/><BR/>but, parents found this problem :<BR/><BR/>she is short, skin not fair, "modern girl", will dominate everyone else ( yea of course, she has a pg and good salary and been living in a city alone for 3 years )<BR/><BR/>its not just the religion.... <BR/><BR/>but still, I understand the point that you are making here .. just trying to say that its more complicated,Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-83425334254118537172009-02-04T12:54:00.000+05:302009-02-04T12:54:00.000+05:30I have never come across any article, where i blin...I have never come across any article, where i blindly support wt ever the person is saying, Bt here i will happily, coz u r soooooo correct.<BR/>Most of my frnds r males, including my best frnd, there was a time where my mom used 2 raise her eyebrows seeing my frnds, bt nw she knws its perfectly fine. Bt like u said, there still exist ppl who believe tat a gal nd boy can nvr b gud frnds, there is something doubtful.<BR/><BR/>Cming frm a pretty conservative background, during my school days i used 2 think that frndship with boys r nt gud. Bt these days i can c that they r best ppl in the world 2 trust. Ys ppl mite hav bad xperiances, that happens everywher, and it doesnt mean u stop believing in things.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-7560697619635575702009-02-04T07:45:00.000+05:302009-02-04T07:45:00.000+05:30Here comes some more interesting news IHm, apparen...Here comes some more interesting news IHm, apparently the guy was following he Sri Ram Sena<BR/>http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Man_assaults_jeans-clad_wife_for_dressing_up_like_men/articleshow/4072709.cmsDr. Ally Critterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04191162451745534259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-20833520098127560752009-02-04T07:09:00.000+05:302009-02-04T07:09:00.000+05:30Very well written post. I certainly don't see anyt...Very well written post. I certainly don't see anything wrong when I see a girl and a boy holding hands or pubbing/dancing/dating etc. Partly could be bcos I have been living in a western country for last 12yrs and it looks like norm rather than exception. But I come from a very conservative family, eventhough I had my education in co-ed institutes and brought home classmates who were boys, we were never really allowed to go out at nights, wear anything other than salwar kameez etc. <BR/>To be really honest, I don't know how I will react when my son/daughter are at the age when they would start dating etc...but one thing is for sure that the reactions wont be different because one is a girl and other is a boy. Guess I have a lot to learn/overcome to be fair to my children once they hit that age when they start going out independently, legally entitled to drinking, start having feelings towards opposite sex and so on..Indian in NZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11775633461738007949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-19136078756552806312009-02-04T05:34:00.000+05:302009-02-04T05:34:00.000+05:30whether its eastern, indian or western....i think,...whether its eastern, indian or western....i think, freedom is only for those people who understand its meaning and are sensible enough to observe the thin line between freedom and extravagance! once its abused, anythin might happen! <BR/>the same some people have this prejudiced mindset that most people abuse freedom and so do acts like this....Its not just ignorance def!<BR/>I dont know if i am clear!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-9220968288755619952009-02-04T00:26:00.000+05:302009-02-04T00:26:00.000+05:30I recently got introduced to your blog through Min...I recently got introduced to your blog through Mini`s and I`m hooked! Have been meaning to leave comments on your previous posts as well. But I agree so completely with everything you say, that I really dont know what more to add.<BR/>But here`s something I thought of today(albeit a lil off track from the issue in qstn).<BR/>All this talk about American culture in the previous posts, has set me thinking. Its not all breezy here. Really it isnt. I`m wondering if you know that for the last 8 years,Bush had stopped govt funding for organizations supporting a women`s right to decide for/against abortion. There`s a vast percentage of people here(including youngsters) who believe that a women shouldnt have the right to choose. Ofcourse the reasons are purely religious. Because they think its anti-life,anti-God and not necessarily discriminating against women.Thought that too, to some extent. I guess its about an individual`s liberty. An individual`s right to choose. Born free but living in shackles - that`s what it has become almost everywhere.. Sad,isnt it?Piper ..https://www.blogger.com/profile/02315500028808314079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-17155588075133963242009-02-04T00:04:00.000+05:302009-02-04T00:04:00.000+05:30Great Post IHM, Some points I wish to make abt Kaf...Great Post IHM, Some points I wish to make abt Kaffir's comments.<BR/>Arranged vs Love marriages which is liberal, progressive and better?<BR/>Is there any doubt? Look at Industrialized Societies in Western Countries. There women have much more freedom. Patriarchy is in its decline. There arranged marriages are rare.<BR/>As long as women are suppressed arranged marriages may be stable. As the Society progresses from feudalism to Liberal Capitalism arranged marriages declines and love marriages increases. This does not mean love marriages will be stable. As both partners are in an equal footing and there is no feudal [family] pressure from outside chances of divorce also increases. In feudal patriarchal system marriage is an agreement between 2 families in which the primary aim is to consolidate the wealth of the boy's family. In liberal Capitalism it is an agreement between 2 individuals who are equal with primary aim of each individual's happiness<BR/> In India though feudalism have declined to a great extend it will take time for the old customs and beliefs to change.So be patient but at the same time prevent a feudal revival as it is happening it some saffron ruled StatesArun.N.M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11255908292437790693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-13246953155034358292009-02-03T23:12:00.000+05:302009-02-03T23:12:00.000+05:30I have an inkling that this year's Valentine's Day...I have an inkling that this year's Valentine's Day will not be good. Hope that I am wrong!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-81703440679208621602009-02-03T22:45:00.000+05:302009-02-03T22:45:00.000+05:30IHM, This is what I was talking about. Of course w...IHM, This is what I was talking about. Of course we knew this coming as these people have only one agenda and that is to create terror using religion.<BR/><BR/>http://www.rediff.com/news/2009/feb/03inter-we-will-oppose-valentine-day-celebrations.htmAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-7090011645974118922009-02-03T21:54:00.000+05:302009-02-03T21:54:00.000+05:30What she wants does not count?That is the bottom l...<B><BR/>What she wants does not count?<BR/></B><BR/><BR/>That is the bottom line here is it not? And when the same generation of narrow minded bigots thinking transfers down to younger children they live with/ come into contact, this happens:<BR/><BR/>Boys having a real time fist fight [12 year olds], this morning, because one of them accused the other of "line maaroing " a classmate, harbouring secret affection towards her, because of the way a boy and girl interacting leads persons to gossip about them!!! And when the same notion, about line maaroing is echoed by the girls, it's like you say this being a GIRL!!!!! GAWD!!!!!<BR/><BR/>Sometimes one just wonders where this is all taking us! For the childrens' sake can we not be mature adults??? Do we have to also indulge in these petty and pervert thinking, not to mention the various forms indoctrination, violence and subtle and not so subtle messages on disparity passed on!<BR/><BR/>Another facet to this kind of cloistering is the kind of curiousity it encourages, of the sort you do not want. The way a lot of schools, ministers, media and managements are getting hyper about Sex Education is another blip on the map! It has led to porno material being avidly watched, exchanged and discussed about rampantly in classrooms.. so much so, that we now have boys and girls in the same classroom sitting separately [Orders from UP ABOVE]! Better late than never, the kids had a session with a Cousellor, from outside who very clearly outlined points on Personal Hygiene and kind of gave them the lowdown on birds bees and whole of freebies with it, :)!<BR/><BR/>This in turn created a minor furore among the staff [ who called it vulgar... @#$U*%^$%^#%!!!] LOl!! Still, I think there would not be much they would now feel hesitant about! Most of us adults , I say we, because I must consider myself a part of that generation, even if I do not subscribe to their views, still wear blinkers on the issue, and are entirely uncomfortable with it all! If we were able to be more open, we could be sure of the ethics, morals and values, and therefore allow our daughters the same kinds of openness that the boys are given.<BR/><BR/>I guess I have digressed a lot, but then unless on addresses the basics of bringing up children, these notions of what is right for the boy is not for the girl will persist and then the Ravan Senas will have a ball with the parents agreeing with them on issues of girls' Safety. [LOL, did I just say safety???]<BR/><BR/>Whew! I am not sure how much of what I have written is relevant... :) This page took for ever to open and only now I am able to vent and rant here! <BR/><BR/>Do excuse the space gobbled up :D!!!<BR/><BR/>Did I say???: The post is wonderfully pertinent and a real eye-opener!!!Usha Pisharodyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08569968324374522544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-14281700722020933082009-02-03T21:28:00.000+05:302009-02-03T21:28:00.000+05:30Valentine's day is another opportunity for ppl fro...Valentine's day is another opportunity for ppl from these senas to come out in lash out their insecurities at young couples and its just around the corner, they must be preparing their "moral policing" force to come out and break the greeting card shops and create havoc.Sandhyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421277945486439879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-17005106438611776212009-02-03T21:12:00.000+05:302009-02-03T21:12:00.000+05:30HiWell these are changing times and I believe ther...Hi<BR/>Well these are changing times and I believe there will be clashes in people's ideologies...people who demand more liberty and freedom and people who are old timers and haven't witnessed the kind of freedom the new generation wants.<BR/><BR/>My parents grew up in what is known as totally traditional and orthodox kind of environment and so they impose on their kids what they learnt from their parents.<BR/><BR/>Drinking...well drinking is still a social taboo. Now,I have been drinking for the past two years now. Nobody in the family knows about it coz boys/girls from good families are not supposed to drink. So, I don't go home when I'm drunk. Same goes for all my friends who smoke/drink and their family don't have a whiff of their doings.<BR/><BR/>Now onto the hands holding thing...adults holding hands are okay but say school going boys/girls once they have attained puberty are not allowed to mix and their mixing is certainly frowned upon. The main fear is it will give rise to promiscuous behavior. Well, we all have incidents of ubiquitous 'sex-scandals' in schools. We had our share and one girl got pregnant and the girl had to eventually leave school. What I feel is their is not enough honest talk in neither by the teachers or by the parents when it comes to sex. It is still a dreaded subject which everyone tries to avoid. Everybody's shy to talk about it and so ignores it and hence the strict supervision on one's son/daughter. We get to know about it from peer-talk or magazines or films. Even now when there is a condom ad comes onto TV everybody goes silent and all the while it's there, it is like a ticking time-bomb.abhishekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02492894830895996014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-82072964738903504512009-02-03T21:02:00.000+05:302009-02-03T21:02:00.000+05:30IHM, on PDA, I think the Courts "allow" married co...IHM, on PDA, I think the Courts "allow" married couples a pack on the cheek in public. I read about it in TOI. <BR/>Somehow I think the way they worded it, "not an obscenity" was very ridiculous.<BR/><BR/>http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Cities/Delhi/Youth_see_no_wrong_elders_say_keep_it_private/articleshow/4067259.cms<BR/><BR/>An expression of marital love is an "obscenity" in the land of the kamasutra.Dr. Ally Critterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04191162451745534259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-59917262720218317472009-02-03T20:44:00.000+05:302009-02-03T20:44:00.000+05:30Seriously IHM, your posts make me think about noti...Seriously IHM, your posts make me think about notions I might have had earlier which may not entirely be correct.<BR/><BR/>Holding hands is definitely to this day, frowned upon in our Country. Remember the time when some cops went to a public park in some city and started slapping all couples sitting there. How disgusting was that?<BR/><BR/>I personally would try to educate my children about limiting Public Display of Affection only because I think it is a personal thing. Just like I think eating in public is a bit odd. Not because it is against my culture. <BR/><BR/>But Í hope while doing this, I do not make a difference between my son and my (brother's) daughter. Amen!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-15581704000737286632009-02-03T20:30:00.000+05:302009-02-03T20:30:00.000+05:30that was quite a post !! Dint read the whole thing...that was quite a post !! Dint read the whole thing, was taking a mini break from work, shall def come back to read it all again!!<BR/><BR/>from what i read!!<BR/><BR/>i too dont understand the logic of saying - boys n girls cant be friends... no holding hands and all that s!@$%$ [ pardon my language]<BR/><BR/>I too grew up in a co-ed school and while my mom dint and doesnt have any issue of me being friends with guys[ most of my friends are men], she does worry what others[aka society] will think or say!!! what crap i tell her!! ' only when you become a mother, will you understand" is her standard answer.. am sick n tired of this ..... Sigh!!!Aartihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06286121748131889485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-42177201982722685382009-02-03T20:02:00.000+05:302009-02-03T20:02:00.000+05:30all such interferences between genders lead to the...all such interferences between genders lead to the formation of perverts who get thrills even if they get to see a woman's upper arm.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-3242887389226585492009-02-03T19:52:00.000+05:302009-02-03T19:52:00.000+05:30To indyeah - I broke free - See! happy people are ...To indyeah - I broke free - See! happy people are eager to find happy people.<BR/><BR/>I am most interested in the issue of "ism" How humans (irrespective of man/woman) torture human beings for wealth and squash the "humanness/identity" of a person and still say everything is fine. more on this later..Anroshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16723150055204555588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-27716580933024095242009-02-03T19:45:00.000+05:302009-02-03T19:45:00.000+05:30Nita, if that happened to you years ago, you will ...Nita, if that happened to you years ago, you will be surprised that it happens to me even now that I wear shorts. Other (most) indian women would look at with disgust if other indian woman wears shorts. but they are absolutely fine if the americans wear them. <BR/><BR/> just the appropriate comment for your post - a woman 27 who is my friends wife told me on her return from her last trip to pune and lucknow - india's social situation has worsened. when i asked her what happened. She blurted out that girls and boys are holding hands !!!! when i said what is wrong with that she rolled her eyes in disgust and stopped from eating me up. ( i am not exaggerating ) And i said that this is a normal thing where i grew up. And as students in hostels - girls and boys have free access (only 11.00pm-6.00 am not allowed) in the hostel where I stayed. she was astounded to hear this. oh yes, her husband too stayed in an hostel where the rules were such as these. <BR/><BR/>And she also asked me , Do you wear shorts and tank tops. I said isn't that the most comfortable clothes in summer? Her eyes rolled once again .<BR/><BR/>IHM, If I start writing such issues and such stories that I have witnessed and have happened It is more than enough to fill the pages of a book. <BR/><BR/>As I mentioned in my last comment earlier in this post one of my parent and that too the female parent still believes that women have to under the laxman rekha and tightly cordoned. let me stop right here before this becomes a marathon one.<BR/>reading your posts brings back me to those unpleasant memories. Keep writing.Anroshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16723150055204555588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-84810885315919307212009-02-03T19:16:00.000+05:302009-02-03T19:16:00.000+05:30IHM i have read some portion of the post will come...IHM i have read some portion of the post will come back again later. Long post :-)) I have some pertinent points to make here. will come back.Balvinder Ballihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05040171846198252874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6123689684509240568.post-36917430308786419812009-02-03T19:14:00.000+05:302009-02-03T19:14:00.000+05:30Nice Post! You are absolutely right when you wrot...Nice Post! You are absolutely right when you wrote that, "It is assumed by those who do not 'mix', that men and women cannot meet, talk, interact for anything but sex." If the ideology has to change there should be only mixed schools and parents should encourage their children, the opposite sex as friends. They should be taught the morals and values of a good friend and they should not be too perturbed by a friendly touch and a hug. Any kind of repression by the society to limit the bond between a girl and a boy will have its repercussions.<BR/><BR/>Keep Blogging!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com