The only thing that makes staying away from the Blogosphere bearable are the messages from blogging friends that you were missed. Thank You for each one of those messages and comments :)
The past few days were loaded with blog worthy moments! Right from the time I got out of the Airport, ...or even before that, right from the moment an Uncle called to invite us for a cousin's wedding.
The first thought was to explain how impossible it was to attend. Then he mentioned how they feared my dad would not have approved of their son getting married to a non Hindu, non-Indian girl. How they had no choice because the boy will not marry any other girl...
If I wasn't blogging I would have just thought, "What a crazy family we are!" But now I notice how many Indias we have in our family.
Uncle seemed to think that his adult son owed an explanation to a cousin he's only met at various weddings and other such functions.
Although he is Dad's sister's son, to me cousin V was just another over-enthusiastic young cousin dancing for the video-walla at my wedding. I assure his dad I will not miss this wedding for anything and I was sure cousin V was old enough to take this decision. (Resisted the urge to add that all this was none of my business anyway...)
Uncle: That's what he says, his bank leaves decisions worth millions to him, but he feels we don't trust him to take any decisions...
IHM: I guess the times are changing and we must stand by our kids.
Uncle : Your aunt thinks this would have never happened if your dad was alive.
IHM: Dad would have only wanted to see all the kids in the family happy.
Lots more along the same lines, and I am proud of this Uncle for being wiser than many other parents in the family. I know of another cousin who wasn't happy with the marriage that was arranged for him... and who told me? His wife, a gynecologist :(
I am also mildly horrified by the image- totally untrue - dad has. His sister claims this calamity would never have befallen them if my Dad was alive!
She said something about dad taking out his gun.
...and me aware that a nephew had tattooed his non Hindu girl friend's very Christian name on his chest :)
And Dad had laughed indulgently when he heard of it.
2012 – [2009]
2 hours ago
23 Reactions:
hehehehe... ur dad's the head of the family eh?? its quite amazing how the "head o the clan" is still so important even if the relatives never actually meet... its quite incredible come to think of it.. sort of gives you roots sopmewhere.. don't u think??
@Aneesha LOL no! I prefer democracy!
The head of the family can make mistakes too ... What if he is prejudiced...? I think his name is used to get kids to do as they are told!
Not sure about the roots ... mmmm Dad moved out of his joint family and remained a responsible family member ..I would like be like that, have my own space but also be there when needed :)
Make sure your cousin knows that your dad would have smiled and given his blessings!
And congrats to the happy couple!
Welcome back IHM :)
I am glad your uncle made the right choice,a thing that today's parents are reluctant to do..
//..I would like be like that, have my own space but also be there when needed :)
Me tooo yaar...***sigh***
Marriages in our Indian culture are mostly for the happiness of others rather of the ones who are getting married!
I am glad for your nephew...and this is first time i heard such a thing! I am glad people are more understanding!
yippee!!!you are back!!((((hugs)))
you were sorely missed:((
you already know that..
relatives usually resort to the time tested argument that ''woh zinda hote toh aisa kabhi nahin hota'',(happens in my extended family all the time)*sigh*
not that anyone listens:D
An argument that can never be proved wrong coz well...the person being referred to is not here to say a word otherwise...
your uncle is a smart person:))and a wise one:)
my comps working!!yay!
(((hugs)))
PS:-dont go again ok?:P
he he, I guess, the parents where just trying to scare the boy of his Mama!
IHM! Its so nice to read a post of yours after a such a long break! It is good that your cousin is having his way - after all as you mentioned - 'was old enough to take this decision'. I think sometimes parents worry way too much about what somebody else might think/feel forgetting that their children's happiness is at stake.. And the saddest thing is that as you mentioned - your Dad would have only been happy for his nephew! But I guess, things are changing albeit slowly..
good to have u back IHM, u were missed :) :)
and i know what that means... i have heard that many times abt my grandma if she was there this would not have happened
but i am happy that he has reacted sensibily
I remember reading a touching post about your dad. I think among your first posts I read.
He was kind of head of the family, right?
Good to hear that things worked better.
Welcome back! You were misshhed :)
Welcome back IHM, I feel it would have been more difficult for the marriage to take place smoothly if the girl was an Indian and both living in India.What do you think?
@Nimmy I think we all want this - I would like be like that, have my own space but also be there when needed :)
And isn't this the right way? :)
@Mamma mia! Me a mamma? Yes, that's one thing I wished to convey that it's a personal decision... and in such cases only the parents have the power to really interfere, other people and elders' names are just used for added effects ;)
@RV LOL Yes, exactly! 'He puts up a no nonsense front but is a forward and soft as a marshmellow (:P) '
@Rakesh I agree they were using the 'family' as a bogeyman :) The boy is smart he must have sensed it!
@Indyeah I am sure this is done all the time, and I agree, and am glad that the newer generation is not bullied so easily :)
@Sandhya I agree, even today this is not entirely untrue! I was taken aback but relieved, it seems they wanted their son to be happy but feared they might lose him ...
@Solilo Hey he isn't really the head in the sense that no body is a head, everybody lives in their own homes and in different places, so it had to be just some attempts at arm twisting ...
@Monika I think my aunt was just hoping to get her son to marry an Indian girl she would be comfortable with, at any cost...
@Smitha Actually I doubt if my dad would have seriously been bothered, though I know he would not have liked the idea much.
Yes, I think sometimes parents worry way too much about what somebody else might think/feel forgetting that their children's happiness is at stake.. and sometimes they use this as an excuse to get the child to obey!
@Sahaja The other cousin who did not protest is a much older cousin and sadly, such indirect pressures are common :(
@Charakan I did not think of this, but I think you may be right...if she was an Indian and if they were living here, I think the protests from immediate family (and everyone else?) might have been stronger.
But I also feel if they really wanted to go ahead everybody would have eventually given in. And the younger generation would have supported them ...
:) In nuclear families nobody interferes that much...
My memory is refreshed.When my younger sister opted for love marriage my mom said if dad was there u wouldn't have done this.She didnt accepted them for many years and now she is happy with them staying very near to her.
Had my mom accepted them she wouldn't have been unhappy for all those years.
"I guess the times are changing and we must stand by our kids."Rightly said IHM
:) The title reminds me of Guns n Roses..:)
Coming back to this in the evening... and yes I did read it :) But I'll tell you about it later :) Late for school. Lol!
Welcome Back!! :)
And yea, somehow the "approval" of the eldest in the family means so much to the other-wise distant cousins/relatives!!
Glad to know you had a good time :)
*Awaiting more posts... :)*
Welcome back!!!Missed your posts...
Yesteray, I met my husband's friend for the first time and he said that he had to elope with his wife because he was a Bengali Kayastha and she a UP Brahmin...Her parents refused to accept him more because of his caste than his ethnicity...Now, these same parents have not only accepted him but think he's the best damad in the family...Why this change?Because their daughter is very happy with her husband and because he treats her very well...
Welcome back....glad your cousin stuck to his guns. Finally, it is the decision of the people getting married!
Cheers,
Quirky Indian
Your Dad, is really cool :) Hmm...
Of course it is the right way dear..But people are always interested in intruding into private space and spam it ...grrrrrrr
exactly !!!
Now the youngest bro in my house has decided to marry, he wants a civil marriage, the girl is also of the same opinion.. he doesnt want phera's or fokat kharcha...
Now there is a hue and cry as all relatives call up Mom and say its not right its the last function of the family..
hello...
Whatever happened to the saying Miya Biwi raazi to kya karenga KAAZI !!
I`m back too :):) though I wonder if you missed my comments as much as I missed reading your posts :)
Just wondering if you let your cousin know that your Dad would`ve given his blessings to the union.
I have three very good friends who went through this trauma in the past few months. Thankfully two of them are married now with their respective girlfriends. One is still hanging!
Its amazing how people can keep society above their own children!
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