49-O : None Of The Above.

Our anger and pain can lead to positive change.

These terror attacks have shown that if we are United, we are a Superpower. Divided we will become, after some more terror attacks, riots and civil wars, a Banana Republic.

We are told we only get the kind of Leaders we deserve, so please let's vote for the right guys. And if you feel they are all useless, then let's use Rule 49 O - and better still , we should all demand that in the next elections we have the right to choose "NONE OF THE ABOVE".

Of course the politicians will not like it, did not like it earlier too. But let's give them no choice.

'Proposals by the Election Commission of India

In a letter to the Prime Minister in 2004, the then Chief Election Commissioner of India, T S Krishnamurthy, suggested the following:

7. NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL VOTING

The Commission has received proposals from a very large number of individuals and organizations that there should be a provision enabling a voter to reject all the candidates in the constituency if he does not find them suitable. In the voting using the conventional ballot paper and ballot boxes, an elector can drop the ballot paper without marking his vote against any of the candidates, if he chooses so. However, in the voting using the Electronic Voting Machines, such a facility is not available to the voter. Although, Rule 49 O of the Conduct of Election Rules, 1961 provides that an elector may refuse to vote after he has been identified and necessary entries made in the Register of Electors and the marked copy of the electoral roll, the secrecy of voting is not protected here inasmuch as the polling officials and the polling agents in the polling station get to know about the decision of such a voter.

The Commission recommends that the law should be amended to specifically provide for negative / neutral voting. For this purpose, Rules 22 and 49B of the Conduct of Election Rules, 1961 may be suitably amended adding a proviso that in the ballot paper and the particulars on the ballot unit, in the column relating to names of candidates, after the entry relating to the last candidate, there shall be a column '“None of the above'”, to enable a voter to reject all the candidates, if he chooses so. Such a proposal was earlier made by the Commission in 2001 (vide letter dated 10.12.2001).'

Is it possible to win this Right, the way we won our Right To Information? Will a PIL help?

SMSes and the Public Mood :)

SMS (TEXT MESSAGES) doing the rounds tell us what the public is thinking? I think they do.
Here are some I have received. Will be adding more. You too go ahead and add links/ SMS (TEXT MESSAGES) which show the mood in these horrible times.

1. Where is raj thakre and his brave sena? tell him that 200 NSG commandos from dilli (not marathi manoos) have been sent 2 mumbai to fight the terror

2. pl forward raj thakre's phone number if u find it. Don't know where he is when you need him. we want him to go and save amchi mumbai along with his mns goondas

3. 'THE' sons of the soil Army, NSG commandos are not only marathis manoos ... why should they fight or lay their life for mumbaikars, because WE are ALL INDIANS :)

4. Forget the sixth pay commission our men in uniform desrve the seventh pay commission, one that excludes political offices! May the souls of all those who died in this unfortunate incident rest in peace Jai Hind

5. NSG Commandos - North Inidans and South Indians have come to Mumbai so that Raj Thakre can sleep peacefully. Pl forward this so tht it finally reaches the cwd bully!

Added on 29th Nov

6. Wht Bush could not achieve after9/11.r own NSG Commandos hve done! They hve 'smoked them out' effectively frm everywhere! Cheers!

7 Dear INDIANS, "Forgiving a terrorist is left to GOD. But, fixing their appointment with GOD is our responsibility. INDIAN ARMY.

8. Major Unnikrishnan -Malayali by birth, brought up in Bangalore, served in BIHAR regiment and died saving Mumbaikars. A true son of the soil ..... INDIAN soil.

Added on 30th Nov.

9. The united faith of one billion Indians, the courage of 477 soldiers, the sacrifice of many brave anti-terrorist and soldiers, who selflessly laid down their lives needs to be saluted and the act of terrorism condemned! Let us all Indians protest by wearing black today. Do join in to prove your unity. WE ARE INDIANS FIRST AND INDIANS LAST, BHARATH MATA KI JAI

- Thank You, Gopinath's "Artickles"

10. More harm has been done to this country by terrorists who come by votes; than by the terrorists who come by boats !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/Don't worry about those who came thru' boats our forces can defeat them! WORRY about those who came through votes ... those are real enemies.

Added on 1st Dec.

11. A cardboard shooter(Olympic)wins Gold Medal & govt gives him 3crores + awards. Another Real Life shooter dies, fighting with terrorists, saving our countries prestige and lives of hundreds of people & govt pays his family 25 Lacs. Truly great India.Plz forward it to all Indians tat it somehow reaches the Preisdent, PM, CM & all concrened.

12 There's BJP, there's Congress but there is no India. Sad isn't it!

Added on 2nd Dec.

13. Let's pray that Chidambaram succeeds in bringing down terrorism the way he has brought down share prices @...@!!!

Dec 1, 23 40 pm, I just heard on CNN IBN somebody mentioned an SMS saying something about article 49 O!!! Has anybody got it? I have not yet received it.


14 All Indians refuse to vote unless you also have a clear option to vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE....


EDITED TO ADD : The purpose of this collection is to show the mood of the people.

Please do not send comments which are filled with anger or hatred. We are all INDIANS and that is the only reason we came out victorious after this attack. Soldiers, police officers from all over India were there ready to die for each one of us, they didn't care where we came from.

United we are a Super Power, Divided we'll make Pakistan's dream come true, by becoming a Banana Republic.

Those Who Do Not Learn From History ...

I

Modi made some valid points.

1. This looks like an international issue. They have aimed at foreigners. They are extremely well trained. Let me add, this is not a bunch of home grown misguided violent youth, like in the 2001 Parliament attack, this is worse than both a war and a terror attack.

2. 'This looks like war. Again I would say this is a far worse attack than the Kargil infiltration. And yes all these cases do indicate our various governements total failure to keep us safe.

One small point. Modi has announced one Crore for ATS Chief Karkare, called him a martyr!! Just recently wasn't he heard lambasting him for accusing a Sadhwi in Malegaon blasts? Why this sudden changeofheart!

II

The truth behind Blame Games.

Some bloggers are talking about how well BJP would have handled this situation, or how they would have never allowed it to happen!
Modi and Advani were very much in power during the Kargil War, Parliament Attack and IC-814 hijacking ... so don't, at this emotional and stressful time be led to believe, that there are any short cuts to a safer India.
Let us never get fooled into believing that Modi or Advani or Raj Thakre can be our saviours.

III

The Only Thing That Will Work.

Remember when two French journalists were kidnapped by a small terrorists group (Al Jazeera) in Aug 2004? They wanted Muslim girls in France to be allowed to wear scarves to schools in return of the journalists' lives?
Did the French government think of votes and give in to the demands? NO. The French government said "Go hop." The kidnappers released the journalists after four months. Why didn't we show such courage after IC814 hijack?
We sowed the seeds for this during the IC814 negotiations, and are still reaping the rewards :(

We need to give a clear and strong message to all terrorists, simply, that we do not give in.


IV

And, finally, what is not needed.

Divisive politics.
Fighting for identity votes. If leaders had made sure that the intelligence sources, ATS (was the ATS Chief killed so unexpectedly because he had become a threat?) and the Security Forces are allowed to work without political intervention.
Don't you think we were so divided any fool could see this as an opportunity? What else have we bloggers been ranting about?

And are we forgetting (again?) THAT THOSE WHO DO NOT LEARN FROM HISTORY ARE CONDEMNED TO REPEAT IT.

Raj Thakre has disappeared ever since his Z security has been demoted to Y security. Not even this could bring him out.
Modi walks around flanked by security personel, while the young soldiers and thousands of us, as much at risk, have no security.
Advani has been told categorically by Shobha De, echoing every Mumbaikar's thoughts, to stay away.
Man Mohan Singh should borrow Obama's speech writer.
(Maybe I should edit this bit - I am realising I prefer a practical worker any day to a charismatic leader. I would rather live, than be entertained.)

Where are Lalu, Rahul, Omar Abdullah, Sonia .... and their respective speech writers?

There's a void here. We need inspiring leadership. And if somebody good does not turn up, some crook with ulterior motives (votes) will.

A Repeat Of IC-814?

Do the terrorists want to negotiate?

This attack is different from other terrorists attacks ... this looks like war! They might take hostages?
There is some talk of negotiating with the terrorists. Remember the Indian Airlines flight IC-814 hijacking case?
A plane, IC-814, was hijacked and flown to Kandahar and the entire country watched on TV, the horror of families and children held captive by the terrorists.

CLICK ON THE PICTURE FOR A PICTORIAL ACCOUNT OF THE HIJACK

I remember the anger we felt when we found that the rumours of controlling the terrorists by releasing 'sleeping gas' into the plane never came true. Nor were any commandos allowed to attempt to enter the plane, although they were taken to Afghanistan for the purpose. And finally the hijackers' demands were met, India released three dreaded militants, including Masood Azhar, in exchange for the 155 hostages. The only victim Rupin Katiyal's throat was slit - some said he refused to keep his head on his knees, some said the terrorists killed him to show they were serious. I wish we had allowed the commandos to enter the plane, I wish we had given our army a chance then, maybe then, the terrorists would have learnt that we are not such a soft target.

Well, we are getting used to this sort of thing.

On December 13, 2001, Five Terrorists attacked the Parliament of India resulting in a 45-minute gun battle. We watched it all live on television. Little figures running, press and media covering it all.

(Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee and Opposition Leader Sonia Gandhi had already left). Senior Ministers and over 200 Members of Parliament were inside the Central Hall of Parliament when the attack took place. Security personnel sealed the entire premises which saved many lives. Nine brave policemen were killed.
And what did this country, divided on every other issue, have to say? We said, "If only, instead of those nine brave policemen, one odd minister had been killed, we won't feel so bad!" LOL, we Indians love the guys we vote for :)

I am not bitter but it does hurt to see our young Commandos risk their lives for us ... In the mean time, Governments come and Governments go, terrorism goes on forever. But don't give up, take a look at this.

In the Victoria Terminal train station.
(Photo by James Cridland)

Edited to add: Some of us feel that POTA (a lot like MISA and TADA) will solve all India's terrorists problems, please do read this by Quirky Indian.

Our Democracy Is More Resilient Than These Terrorists.

What now?!

First we heard they have received an email from Deccan Mujaheddin, now it is Lashkar ai taiba, who came in a boat from Karachi. Whoever it is, this looks more more like war, than terrorism. I hope all our political leaders react to this 'war like situation' with maturity. Have not heard any blame game as of now, which is a relief.

PM is holding an emergency meeting. Track Mumbai attacks here.

Some blogs remind us that this is not the time for politicking, others are pained to tears, some keep sanity, like this one . This is a time for all of us to remember that, 'Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it.'
We are all Indians first and foremost. Don't let anybody convince you otherwise.

Just like I refused to condemn anyone who had not been convicted, in an earlier post, I refuse to politicize this now. Let this country fight the enemy instead of fighting each other. I agree with Obama who says, “ ...We stand with the people of India, whose democracy will prove far more resilient than the hateful ideology that led to these attacks.”

And let us also spare a moment for those who have died in these attacks, including ATS chief, Hemant Karkare.

Edited to add: So do you believe POTA is the answer to all our terrorist problems? Do read, So You Want Terrorists To Be Tortured?

The Jago Re Effect.

A friend called to say they had gone to get the forms, for inclusion of name in electoral roll, after seeing the Jago Re advertisement. I was most impressed but then she added that the forms had all finished and they were told anyway it was too late and they should apply next time!

"Too late for what? At least get yourself registered, vote next time, or NEVER, but it is your right to be a listed voter at least!"

Cribbed about this to another friend. Forgot about it.
Yesterday afternoon, she called to to give this link for anybody who'd like to get their name included in the voters list from most cities in Maharashtra. Since most of my friends are not net savvy, I ended up applying, not just for her, but also a whole bunch of others. Some over the phone! It's as simple as that.

Didn't take more than five minutes per form, though in all the laughter racket (mainly about everybody's real age being revealed), the first two forms were filled incorrectly! (I filled 'Present Address' where 'Place of Birth' was to be filled) Didn't know what to do, so resent corrected forms! Hope these forms are accepted!

We didn't need to step out of the house or leave our dear blog unattended, and the first step is done. If nobody comes to verify within next fifteen days, I guess, some following up maybe needed.

What all was needed? You need to know how old you were on 1st Jan 2007. The rest was easy.

And now all friends, and friends' friends have an open offer to 'call and come' if they know anybody else who's interested.

The other option is to register is through Jago Re. Here you will have to print out, SIGN and SUBMIT the Voter Registration form to the Electoral Registration Officer (ERO) of your Assembly Constituency (AC). You will find your ERO's address on the Jago Re site. This option my friends could have easily used when she was told forms were not available!
The best part is Jago Re will track your voter status for you! And now I know you can register until ten days before the final date of accepting candidate nominations.



Iya wrote a post on the same campaign. Let's spread the word and help these Jago re guys make our Democracy truly democratic :)

Innocent Until Proven Guilty.

Read some blogs on this issue, and my own confused ramblings follow ... lots of 'maybe's.

I remember during the Kargil war, the opposition (Congress) had given the ruling party (NDA) full support saying that it was a time for all of them to work together. I had expected BJP to react with the same maturity after the terror attacks, but their reactions have been most disappointing. The Opposition must know when to stand by the ruling party and when to fight them.

The BJP is not only defending the sadhwi but also using her arrest to try to get some votes!
Nita says, 'do they feel that the Hindu majority is so naïve as to believe that “saints” cannot be involved in bomb blasts? We know that so-called saints are involved in murder and rape, so why cannot they be involved in terror?'

BUT STILL, WHAT IF ....?

Remember how most of us had never doubted that Dr. Rajesh Talwar killed his 14 year old daughter?
The Batla House encounter had full media coverage and we convicted the students, straightaway.
And in Sadhwi Pragya Singh's case, many of us are again condemning without conviction.
Army Officers have been implicated, and our reaction is not doubt for those who have no history of honesty but disgust with the ones who have never been anything but honorable till now.

All this when we have little faith in our investigating agencies.

Today we know Dr Rajesh Talwar was innocent. What if all or some of these other suspects are innocent too?

We all know what our politicians are capable of. Maybe we should wait for the court's verdict before coming to any conclusions. Maybe they are guilty, but what if they are not?

BJP is worried because their fundamentalist Hindutwa agenda - the very basis of their being - is endangered if the Sadhwi is found guilty. They might have directly or indirectly encouraged this retaliatory terrorism?

It seems the Congress is generous when it comes to letting media sensationalize any TRP worthy News, so we never how true what we hear is. But let's have a free sensationalist media any day, than have a media that is the mouth piece of the government in power.

I think we should watch who or what we believe. Maybe if we stop being so quick to condemn then our media will not be so eager to sensationalize and more importantly our politicians will not misuse terrorism for votes.

Why not keep an open mind, and wait for the court's verdict ?

Sibling Revelry

Tried watermarking with Picasa's latest update, love it :)

... and somewhere inside the house a silly teenager can be heard singing to the tune of Jamaican Farewell (The sibling's remarks added in bold.)

My heart is down,
My head is turning around
I have to leave a little cat
Everyday at home

But today is Sunday,
It's our funday
"Hehehe and I suspect,
my cat is gay ..."
"Oh please, he's not YOUR cat, anyway!"
Some love his eyes
Some love his nose,
Some love his bum,
Some his pink pink toes

He is a very cute cat with very big ears
And he'll stay with us for many many years

He has a long neck
Which he stretches like a bird,
And in his litter box
There is a piece of turd.
(yuck ... turd!)

Edited to add : The Dog is also entertained the same way.

And here 's the original song :)

Siblings on a Saturday Morning

It's a Saturday morning and I am lazing in bed. But all those who think life for an Indian homemaker is easy, please continue reading.

You are awakened by the noise of your Lab's tail thumping against the bedside table. Pass him a lazy hand and try sleeping again. He starts panting. Try scratching a bit. Try saying, "Good boy, go find your bone." He wants something else. It isn't his breakfast time. I am sleepily sure the kids are awake and eating something they won't share with him. He pants louder. Son hears us, and whistles for him, "Come here! Good boy ! Why are you bothering Momma?"

Why is Son being so kind today?

Might as well wake up. What good will it do to the family if I keep the laptop off? If it wasn't for the resolve to cut down on precious blog time I would have been up and about.

There's a hushed scuffle from the direction of the kitchen. I wait for the shrill "Mamma!!! "
Nothing. Silence. This is impossible. Both are awake. Husband is not in town. Why aren't they fighting?

So I yell in the general direction. "Hey what are you both doing?"

Son is almost immediately there. Kind of unusual. I only called once.

"I heard something."

A very pleasant smile, "Nothing."

"Weren't you both fighting?"

"Huh .... ? Fighting? We were just talking about school."

"Did you have milk?"

"Err ... we'll have, we'll have ... You sleep if you want to."

"What was the scuffle I heard?"

"When?"

"SON! What did I hear?"

"In the kitchen?"

No in the bathroom.
"I better come and check myself ... "

"Why can't we have Limca at least, it has no caffeine. I don't want to have milk. None of my friends parents force them to have milk at this age. ... "

"Limca at 7:30 in the morning?! How old are you? You need me to tell you what to have? You want to walk in and out of hospitals at my age? "
"Okay we'll have milk first. ... and anyway she snatched the bottle, she has taken in that big glass and given me in the small yellow mug. She had extra yesterday also! Last evening I saw the bottle was almost full!"

I pull the laptop to me (kept on husband's side of the bed) ...

"Tell 'she' to put both the glasses in the fridge, 'she' touches Limca and her tattoo stands canceled for another six months."
What has a tattoo got to do with drinking milk or Limca comes to the mind, as the laptop is switched on.

And then the phone rings. Ah, Sister from Texas :)
"Saw your missed call, I was at that training."
"Just wanted to tell you her SAT II score ...", I tell her and know she is mighty proud because she doesn't congratulate, she yells to her family - I can hear them talking. Took some effort to get her back to talking to me.
She spends some time gushing over Obama, the limited edition Obama plates and Obama coins she plans to buy. ("Get for me too!") Remembering the emotional moment when she voted for him. Her fears for his safety since he is so much like Kennedy and Rajiv Gandhi. (She's a super melodramatic Leo.)

I love this conversation. I want to hear some echoes of my thoughts. So I throw a stone in the well.
IHM: "Here they are saying Obama could be a closet Hindu."
Sister: "What nonsense! He is not. He is like us. He doesn't care which God people worship, he doesn't even presume to know about heaven and hell ..."
And I am thinking, my mom was so wrong when she said we were 'exact opposites' , anybody can say we were raised by the same set of tolerant, liberal, patriotic, post independent India parents. Same values.

I see Son sauntering in with a STEEL glass in hand, sipping slowly, but Sister is talking about her training, our hopes for Daughter's future, how it's in 'our blood' to be so liberal. I hadn't charged the cell phone. Sudden silence. I was enjoying the gup-shup and want to call back, but there's an emergency here.

"What's in that steel glass?"
"Milk" Grinning.
"Daughter rushes in, "No it's Limca."
"I had milk in my corn flakes okaaay and I saw how much Limca you had ...!"
"But I had milk first. And I saw the few drops of milk you added in your cornflakes. He also has to, you can't make only me drink milk ...!"
"You know when you were young, I was the proudest mom because you never fussed about milk and fruit. He had such allergies! Look at him now! You know preservatives cause allergies. How can you know and still not care? People like you are making these aerated drinks guys very rich. These drinks are addictive."

This never fails!
Both look shamefaced. Son puts the wet glass on the wooden table.
Daughter hugs me. "We understand! ... when we drink Limca you feel we'd be repeating family history of addiction ... "
Son says very kindly, "You want some tea?"

I once told them the sad, sad story of my addiction to caffeine-rich tea. It was unintentional and I fear I exaggerated. Have I scarred them for life?

Blogaddicted?

My Gym-friend thinks I have "become very boring!" Yesterday, she demanded I pass the phone to my daughter because she is not interested in discussing whether Rahul Gandhi is the Obama for India or Kiren Rijiju from Arunachal Pradesh. (Is that possible?)
She concedes, "Now ask me if Obama is hot, that I can tell you!"

But that I already know. Shobha De told us on her blog.

I asked Daughter, if she thought she was being neglected because of the time I spend on my blog? She promptly gives me a hug and says (sings) "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad!
And I know the thought that unrepentantly creeps into the mind is, "This is a blog-worthy moment!"

Earlier if the cat, the only baby in the house, woke me up, I tried to go back to sleep. Now even at an unearthly 5 am, the laptop is sneaked into the kitchen, and while the morning cup of tea gets cold, the mail is checked for comments.

Recently when there was an internet connection problem, the World (Wide Web) had come to a stand still.The biggest regret was there were no blog posts, kept opened in Firefox Mozilla tabs, to read :(

During the day, when the Incredimail notifier announces "You've got mail!" it can be heard all over the house ... and that's reason enough to drop whatever is being done and run to check if there's a new comment, or an email from the blogosphere.


Of course some days are really busy, and there's hardly any time to do anything. But publish the comments received, one must.

I wonder how much time other bloggers spend in the blogdom ... four hours a day? Five? Or do you only look at your blog once a week?

When can we say we are addicted to the blogosphere ?

Modi, Why Don't You Follow Rahul's Example?

This post started with a comment on Does it matter's blog ...

Rahul Gandhi apologised for the 1984 riots. How does it matter after so many years?
It matters because it shows he realises that he is answerable to all the people he represents, not just the majority. Remember Obama saying, "And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too." ?

You wonder why am I in such awe of Obama? Don't we have good Indian examples?
When it comes to learning we should have no false pride. The Americans have a great Democracy, they have voted for a good leader, let's glean whatever we can from where ever we can, like Dr Ambedkar, Gandhi and Nehru did.

This news, for the first time, made me take a second look at this young politician cursed by a dynasty that is known for it's Emergency (he also openly acknowledge that 'there were excesses during the Emergency which were wrong'). I think we need some fresh people, younger politicians, preferably educated and well traveled, like Gandhi, Nehru, Ambedkar who had lived, studied, traveled abroad- a whole new bunch of young people who come from mixed religious backgrounds and who make statements that bring us all together, young people who do not 'wear their religion on their sleeve' ... yep, I think Rahul Gandhi is mouthing the right 'platitudes' :)

Now it's Modi's turn to apologise! He walked out of this interview, when Karan Thapar asked him if he regretted the killing of innocent women and children in Gujarat, ... if it wasn't so sad, it would have been funny!

Do watch it here if you are in a hurry, otherwise below is a better version (I found three on You Tube). It's worth watching, Karan Thapar at his Devilish best.

I never can sit and watch injustice.

Tagged by Indyana. Well what do 'I never...'?
I can never sit and watch injustice. I think nobody should. And there is always something we can do. This brilliant advertisement shows how little it takes to deter a bully from taking full advantage of our diffidence and indifference. Please do Bell Bajao. (Do ring the door bell)



Today morning I made my two maids watch this. The look on their faces brought a lump to my throat.



Thanks to Monika whose post reminded me of my resolve to spread the word about these inspiring breakthrough advertisements I was awestruck by their simplicity and ... well whoever directed these videos has a fan :)

I pass this tag to Kislay Chandra, Unmana, Ajit and homecooked. Would love to know when do they say "I never...".

An Unedited Online Chat

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Hi

Friend from class XI & XII says:

What’s up?

IHM says:

Hi

IHM says:

how are you?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

How was Diwali?

IHM says:

ok ok

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I'm good

IHM says:

how was yours?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

beautiful rangoli you made

Friend from class XI & XII says:

v good

IHM says:

Daughter not me

IHM says:

loves making rangoli

Friend from class XI & XII says:

hmmmmn ....daughters!!!!

IHM says:

that's about the only daughterly thing she does

Friend from class XI & XII says:

boyz were least bothered

IHM says:

ya?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Son #2 of course put up the lights

Friend from class XI & XII says:

he's handy around the house that way

IHM says:

Daughter helped with that too....she is the handy-girl

IHM says:

it's not sons or daughter, just a matter of interest

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Gender does make a difference!!!!

IHM says:

Like how?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

And why not...........i don't find anything strange in that

IHM says:

Not strange just untrue

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Ha....here you go again

IHM says:

I love to do a lot of stereotypically considered manly things

IHM says:

Love to watch the car being serviced!! Taking pictures, gadgets, gym, ... love dogs- all manly things

IHM says:

I LOVE discussions and debates

You have just sent a nudge.

IHM says:

Did you like my blog?

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i don't care much about discussing ..........

IHM says:

so you are more feminine

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i think its boring....i mean its not that that i'm very rigid about my ideas

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i mean they just fluctuate with issues and situations

Friend from class XI & XII says:

when i say, i miss having a daughter. i just feel maybe .....

Friend from class XI & XII says:

things would be better if there was another girl in the house

IHM says:

no I can imagine that

Friend from class XI & XII says:

now i don't mean things are bad........just different

IHM says:

but they are no different. Kids are just kids

IHM says:

Tho’ it's like having a best friend at home

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Maybe she would've been interested in rangolis, decorations, cooking, in other finer skills..........

Friend from class XI & XII says:

but i know she maynot ........then it may have been difficult to handle....

IHM says:

she likes cooking, but Son baked a chocolate cake for Diwali, he hates Indian sweets

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Son #1 is an excellent cook...........

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Son # 2 makes pop corn; mine never turn out like his

IHM says:

That is what I mean

IHM says:

why bind them in manmade rules, let them grow and be creative, whatever their interests

Friend from class XI & XII says:

of course.....who's stopping them or denying that

IHM says:

I know you won't do that, I feel you say this ‘daughters are like that’ thing just like that,

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Still the basic difference between the genders can't be denied

IHM says:

of course they are different but there are no stereotypes

Friend from class XI & XII says:

.....so we are saying the same things.............only in different words

IHM says:

As a kid I used to fight with mum if someone said 'your daughters have grown up now they should help you in the kitchen' in a patronising tone, we never let her force us to learn to cook, you remember how I was...

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I know what you mean but I also remember you saying that you wish your mom had made you learn cooking

Friend from class XI & XII says:

So.........it’s not about the skills you learn or don't

IHM says:

Yeah but today I can say with pride that she was right in not forcing even in those days

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I think its momentary feelings

IHM says:

All kids should help all parents. No given rigid roles...skills are good, one should be encouraged to learn but NOT because one is a boy or a girl.

Friend from class XI & XII says:

phew....yes ma'm. I AGREE

IHM says:

LOL

IHM says:

:)

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i like your vehemence about these issues

IHM says:

Okay tell me what you think of my blog

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i read it in a glance...........like impatiently.....but whatever i could make of it, i think it was excellent

Friend from class XI & XII says:

now i will read it with more interest and patience

IHM says:

I am going to add this conversation minus our names...

Friend from class XI & XII says:

OH.......really.GREAT

Friend from class XI & XII says:

send me the link again

IHM says:

okaaaa

Friend from class XI & XII says:

LINK???? send me again

IHM says:

http://lifeofanindianhomemaker.blogspot.com/

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i read this one, threat revenge one, so she is in Texas?

IHM says:

ya

Friend from class XI & XII says:

it gives you a chance to voice your opinion and maybe make ...give a different perspective

Friend from class XI & XII says:

Double standards

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I know that the actual RSS workers are the real social activists

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i have see them in my family

IHM says:

but

Friend from class XI & XII says:

I even heard them saying that with time, things have changed, now its only the greed for power and popularity is what is driving them

IHM says:

and now affron terrorism

IHM says:

saffron

Friend from class XI & XII says:

they are not what the original RSS used to be

Friend from class XI & XII says:

chalo bye for now

IHM says:

ya

Friend from class XI & XII says:

yeah.........and much more and in the most hideous way

IHM says:

can you imagine rioting first, then now planting bombs

Friend from class XI & XII says:

actualy its so disgusting.........

IHM says:

yes.

Friend from class XI & XII says:

all this politics

IHM says:

more for someone who has seen how they were earlier

Friend from class XI & XII says:

well....just a tip of the iceberg

Friend from class XI & XII says:

its terrible

IHM says:

okay bye..they are all clamouring for attention here, the kids, the dogs everyone!!

Friend from class XI & XII says:

i can't imagine how or why the Centre is quiet???

Friend from class XI & XII says:

chalo bye for now

IHM says:

bye

My Dreams Are More Precious Than Yours?

Nimmy's comment in my post on Feminism made me wonder why women call staying at home and taking care of their children a sacrifice, and why some women who work hard all day still feel guilty. This is why.

A senior citizen I know, once told me she wanted her daughter-in-law, in the US to quit her full time job and to find something to do from home, because with both the son and the daughter-in-law working, they hardly get any time together. She said she told her daughter-in-law, when she visited them last, that she better decide soon as, "This won't do."

I suggested, "These days most couples are working, I am sure they will find someway ... maybe whoever is earning less considers something part time ...." .

"How can HE leave his job, he is the husband, this is not how things are done ... I have spoken to her, she should know her priorities ..."

I was totally impressed! "You mean your daughter-in-law is earning more!! He is an Investment Banker I thought he must be earning a lot! She must be brilliant!! What does she do?"

She explained.

I was still gushing, "Times are changing, Indian kids waste their youth for their careers! You have seen my daughter! She is working so hard, she hardly has a 'life', she stays up till late, you have heard me crib about her crazy hours? I wonder how she would feel if she has to give it all up! Who knows what happens in life, in future? Girls should be self reliant too, I am sure your daughter-in-law must have really worked to reach this position ... there has to be a more balanced solution ... and aren't they making good money? "

"Money isn't everything. My son says, he misses the way hot food waited on the table when he got home from school, I was so well read, but I was content to just look after them ... "

"LOL I am sure your daughter-in-law misses hot food on the table too :) These days parents love both girls and boys, they are brought up to be self reliant ... they will find some way to make it work in a way that suits them both."

"Girls should know their careers are not as important as their husbands. Men have egos."

"I don't know, I have seen my dad support my mom and generally if one person is happy while another is forced to give up her dreams, will they be happy? Why not let them decide?"

"When we are there, all day we are alone, there are no maids. .. and living in India I am just not used to doing any house work ... and this younger son of mine, he was very close to me, I got the cook to make whatever he liked to eat, now he cooks dinner, I don't mind that but ..."

I wanted to ask if his wife wasn't brought up the same way too? But I did not argue.

I could not get this daughter-in-law out of my mind, and later asked a close friend, a successful professional, (without revealing any names) what she thought of such a situation, and why did it bother me so much.
She said, "IHM if she is pressurized to give up her job, do you realise how resentful and bitter she might become? Why force her to sacrifice!!! These days my husband stays with our son, on leave, because I have to go for this seminar ... I have worked so hard to reach here, my success is a part of me, it makes me feel so good. ... but it would have all been so difficult if my husband hadn't been so supportive. I would do the same for him, any day."
She kept her word. Today, because she is doing so well, her husband is able to dare to start a new venture, she will never read this blog, but my best wishes to them :)

But wait, the story doesn't end here. The Mother-in-law I mentioned above went to the US again, and do you know which bank her son was working for? Lehman Brothers. He is not unemployed, he is doing very well still, but this time when she called she didn 't say anything about about her daughter-in-law giving up her job.

Feminism Is Good For Society

Amrutha tagged me for my take on Feminism, as a 'Stay At Home Mom' (SAHM).

When my kids were young I saw friends struggling with their jobs and babies, guilt ridden, short of time, confused and judged by many. I sympathized and was relieved I didn't have those worries. Within a few years their kids grew up, just like mine did, many were more independent, but many were just like my kids. A few more years and here I was feeling left out, lost and even useless, and they all had risen in their careers, their kids were proud of them. I was envious for a while, but then I realised I was doing all the things I loved to do, we all had made choices and I did not need to be a superwoman. That's my take on feminism and Stay At Home Moms. I don't think Stay At Home Moms (SAHMs) are necessarily better moms, I don't think we made any sacrifices, yes I did get to spend more time with my kids, yes we are very close, but so are many working mothers' kids. I have seen fathers boiling milk, feeding the kids, bathing them, putting them to sleep, taking them to the park. Some of these cool dads had working wives, some didn't. If they invested time with their kids the biggest beneficiaries were not the mothers (though I assure you we are very proud of these guys) - it was these bold, loving, involved dads themselves. My husband was one of them. I wasn't working but I needed an occasional break, and he took the kids to the club so I could read/sleep/just sit in peace for sometime. The kids still remember those times with loving smiles :)

For those who think women must stay at home and care for their kids, decide then if you want Sania Mirzas, Indira Nooyis, Renuka Chaudhurys etc to stop working, or start so late they never reach influential posts? We need female representatives in every field. We do need women, doctors, lawyers, teachers, astronauts, politicians, I think feminism means letting women (and men) make choices. And then supporting them. Mothers, just like fathers, need support to raise happy families. We all rave about 'Behind every successful man there is a woman'. We should also appreciate the fact that, "Behind every successful woman there is a man." Sadly, sometimes the man is not there as a support.

Feminism is good for society. It frees all humans, including men, from unnecessary, useless 'have to fit in' expectations. Feminism is about justice for women, and indirectly, justice for men. Feminism, for men, means having life partners in the truest sense and not 'wards' or 'responsibilities'. Sharing of responsibilities, a friend to laugh with, a woman empowered to stand by your side through every crisis and joy. An intelligent conversation. An argument between two equals. Shared interests. A live-in friend :)

Feminist men can help create a better society by making sure that they treat their mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, colleagues, bosses, neighbours, customers and friends, as equals. It's easy, just treat them as individuals. Feminism is good for the society, because feminism is all about refusing to accept injustice. No society can thrive if half it's population is treated as second class citizens.

Change rarely happens suddenly, but if we learn to question set norms, we can at least start the process. I am proud to say our kids know that, with or without any laws or social customs, both have equal property rights and equal responsibilities. No dowry for Daughter instead she will have her inheritance, just like her brother will. And it is equal, not the humiliating one third or half of his.

Feminism also means not blaming your daughter, sister or any woman if they are harassed by some lecherous creeps. Feminism is realising that sexual harassment related crimes are a law and order problem, and not a woman's (or the way she was dressed!) fault, such crimes are more prevalent is societies where women are not treated equally.

Feminism is also ringing the bell if you suspect domestic violence. Let the batterer know you will not consider such brutality a 'family matter'.

I wish I could say, 'That's it.', but unfortunately we live in a society that allows injustice to thrive, and even the horror of Paros in Haryana, and a gender ratio of 750:1000 has not wiped the stigma from the word 'feminist'. When they talk about feminism, even today, most women start with denying they are feminists ...

Whose opinion on Feminism do I wish to know? Okay, I tag,

Usha Pisharody, Vikram, Shail, Does it matter, 1conoclast, Mavin, Mampi, Sunder & Manju.


Look forward to reading your posts on Feminism :)

Guess we can ... find an Obama for India.

Some bloggers are wondering if India can find an Obama. Do you think we can? WHAT DOES BARACK OBAMA STAND FOR?

I know there are plenty of chinks in his armour, but doesn't he remind you of Gandhi? He gave each one of us, 'hope of a better day'... Even if he does nothing, his speech has managed to make people all over the world see that we all want the same things from our leaders!

We all want someone who would have the 'determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress'; a leader who would respect the importance of 'the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity'; someone who can say 'I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you.'


In my opinion, the people who straightaway disqualify are :
1. Modi (communal, right winger, prejudiced, violent, divisive)
2. Vajpayee (weak, right winger, communal)
3. Advani (the less said the better)
4. Mayawati (too full of herself, not a clean record, not unifying)
5. Lalu Yadav (past record not very productive, pending court cases)
6. All Thakres (violent, parochial, divisive)...
Do add more to the list.

And those who may not be perfect but can be considered (not necessarily politicians)
1. Manmohan Singh (Educated, courageous, unbiased, clean record)
2. APJ Abdul Kalam (a brilliant visionary, extremely popular, too old?)
3. Priyanka Gandhi Vadhera (young, mixed race & religion, educated, no past record, except her family)
4. Omar Abdullah (heard him speak very well, and he talks sense, on TV)
5. Rahul Gandhi (young, secular, mixed race and religion, no criminal record :) But ... he is only known for his dynasty!!!)
6. Anna Hazare (determined, can lead, courageous, too old? No political experience.)

I noticed how we won't allow anyone above sixty to do most jobs, we retire them promptly, even if they are fit, but we don't think twice before electing them to govern the country!

Who do you think could be India's Obama?

Women, love yourself.

When a close friend died leaving a 23 month old baby behind I prayed harder than I had ever prayed before. The baby broke my heart, we could do everything, but we could never, ever replace her mother. Her husband was a broken man, a useless father. I warned my husband, if I died and he treated the kids, like that, I'd haunt him. I prayed that I'd live just long enough for my kids, just three and a half and two then, to be emotionally independent. I swore I'd get regular cancer check ups (cancer runs in the family). I started exercising with Prime Bodies on Star TV and discovered, as a young mother, the joy of shaking the hair to send sprays of perspiration in the air, this was a brand new experience, and became a life time love. But after a while as the memory faded, the friend's baby went to her grand mom's place and we all started forgetting about her, laziness seeped in.

Then my sister called, she was waiting for biopsy results for a newly discovered lump. She demanded that I assure her, that if she dies, those of us she left behind, would stand by the father, and love her son like our own. Shaken, once again, I got all kinds of cancers ruled out. She lived to have a daughter, gall bladder stones, fibroids and lots of melodrama.

We bought clothes, attended cocktails, hunted for good schools, generally lived busy lives and forgot all about check ups. Two aunts survived cancer. And I prayed for them. No thought of cancer check ups any more. Then last week during all the Obama jubilation I needed to make a trip to the Gynecologist.

First a blood test and an Ultra Sound. An Ovarian Cyst, follicular, 20 mm was discovered. Could it be cancerous? Sister broke down on the phone, she bawls when she is ill, she also gets to bawl when somebody else is ill. What if it is cancerous? Husband thinks I can beat my sister at melodrama. Runs in the family. Mom acts calm, but calls early next morning, she wasn't able to sleep. A friend has an ovarian cyst and thinks nothing of it. I talk to the kids, while talking about this and that, lightly, casually, like how I believe they are sensible kids, they are not the kind to come crying to their mom for everything, how they can take wise, practical decisions, and when in doubt they could always look into their hearts to find the right answers. Some of the most successful people have had no mothers. This wasn't new talk, independence is precious, and it's grilled into them.

Endrometrial biopsy and pap smear test was on the 6th. I tell the gynecologist, "I have neglected cancer check ups, the last was in 2004, we have cancer in the family, two aunts survived esophageal cancer and breast cancer, lost an aunt to leukemia, my sister has fibroids and in 1993 a lump, that was found benign, my mother has had no problems ...." he looks up from the Ultra Sounds reports to interrupt, "You also have no problems." Oh! the magic of those lightly spoken words!!! He can beat both my sister and me at melodrama.

I know the two biopsy reports are still due, but I would have not been worried if I had been regular with check ups. Early detection is the best way to fight cancer.

Why I am jealous of the Americans.

Today Obama's Victory Speech made me jealous of the Americans! We need a leader who can say this too!!! (change some nouns as applicable)

"If there is anyone out there who still .... questions the power of ... democracy, tonight is your answer ... It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of ... States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America."

"So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers – in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too."

I watched this on a full bladder, waiting for an ultra sound scan, delaying because I didn't want to miss a single democratic syllable. If I was not in a Hospital waiting room, I would have written three (or more) jubilant posts to share my mad joy at the victory of all that Obama stands for :) [And that has to be another post :)]
Yes I know he is not OUR leader, and this is not happening here in India. That is why I am so jealous.

If you missed it, if you don't see why I should feel the way I do, watch him speak.

Language:English; Culture:Cosmopolitan.

This is my 100th post but I am in no mood to celebrate. Yesterday I saw Praful Patel (Civil Aviation Minister) defending Raj Thakre in Devil's Advocate (CNN IBN), even Karan Thapar, who had beautifully shamed Modi about never expressing any regret over the killing of thousands of Muslim citizens, did not ask him the right questions, he seemed unsure himself. The message a viewer got was Raj Thakre is right, his means are err... not completely right but... And that Congress supports RT. And one must respect Marathi culture.
Here are some questions Karan Thapar did not ask.

1. What about mutual respect and intermingling of cultures in every part of the country?

2. If Bihar belongs to Biharis, Maharashtra belongs to Marathi speaking Marathi Manoos, if Punjab belongs to Punjabis, where do Christians and Muslims go? Since we are dividing states, shouldn't they also have a state of their own, where no one can throw them out from? And what about those anti nationals who have committed the sin of marrying outside their region or religion? And their tainted children and grand children?

3. Praful Patel admires the way Bengali and Tamil thrive in Kolkatta and Chennai, he also cites Mamata Banerjee's good, people friendly example when defending Raj Thakre.
So do we want Mumbai to become like Chennai or Kolkatta or Auragabad, Jalgaon or Nagpur? No offense to these cities, just that they are not as COSMOPOLITAN as Mumbai & Delhi). Mumbai and Delhi (and soon Gurgaon, Hyderabad, Bangalore and Noida) have long been considered the most Cosmopolitan cities in India. We love to rant about 'not knowing our neighbors' in Cosmopolitan cities, but it is this culture which also gives us the space to belong to any religion, region, caste and even gender. The two cities (despite Delhi's crime rate) have thrived, grown and evolved because of their Cosmopolitan culture. A single mom, a gay couple, live in relationships and unmarried daughters are not judged in a Cosmopolitan environment. We live and let live. It is not correct to say that people do not help you in these cities, the way they do in smaller towns and villages in India. Cosmopolitan cities give you the choice of mingling or not mingling with your neighbours. That's perfectly fine. Yes Bombay and Delhi do not give us the freedom to keep an eye on the boy who drops our neighbour's young daughter home. Yes the neighbours are not interested in our Investment Banker son's job in America, nobody cares how much we spent on our child's Birthday Party or why our married daughter lives with us. It's Cosmopolitan cities, and not local cultures that show us the way to create an open minded (and open -hearted) civilization. If we are to grow, evolve (which every living community must), we need to change with times. Culture is fine. Language is fine. Use them for harmony and communication, do not get too emotional about either. Get emotional about human values. Humanity is above all cultures and languages.

We should learn from the British, their language thrives in many accents, versions and grows with use -not regulations and force. In India it is common to complain that our languages are dying, every language (including North Indians' Hindi) has it's ardent defenders. And yet, English, without anyone ready to die for it, is the language that is loved by all Indians, and gets us the best jobs.

And culture must change with time too. In a Cosmopolitan city you have people from various parts of India living in perfect harmony, Idli for breakfast does not make you Tamil, anymore then a love for ma-ki-daal means you love Punjab.

Today my immediate neighbours are a Kashmiri couple, a Marathi manoos married to an 'outsider' and a Parsi family amongst others. We communicate in English. I wouldn't have it any other way.