Today afternoon.
Trrrng trrrng ...
I was so hoping to catch some afternoon sleep.
Persistent trrrng trrng
Groggy IHM: Hello
Shruti from ACN Kangaroo Bank: I am Shruti speaking from ACN Kangaroo Bank ma'am, do you own a credit card?
It's been a long time, I had forgotten how annoying it was to wake up and start discussing your spending habits with total strangers on phone while you are still half asleep.
Groggy IHM: Wait, I will have to ask my Mister...
Shruti from ACN Kangaroo Bank: Yes Ma'am. Where does Sir work ma'am?
Groggy IHM: He is working. They only gave him a last warning because he fell asleep on duty.
Shruti from ACN Kangaroo Bank: Err what?
Groggy IHM: They don't realise it is very difficult to stay awake night after night, that is why watchmen fall asleep on duty.
I waited for the phone to be cut, Radio One Ghanta Singh style, but she was super patient.
Shruti from ACN Kangaroo Bank: Are you working ma'am?
Groggy IHM: ...that madam was very khadoos, I did my best but she did not like my work!
Shruti from ACN Kangaroo Bank: Ma'am? You are working?
Groggy IHM: That's what I am telling you, she unnecessarily made such a fuss, then I also gave her a piece of my mind. Told her if you don't like my work find another bai.
Click. She cut the phone without giving further details. And I just knew I had to share this :)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
HAPPY DAUGHTER'S DAY :)
Note: Found this post dated April 20th amongst unpublished drafts.
Date April 20th, 2008, Time 6 pm.
Husband watching TV. With IPL, ICL he's even more glued to the TV, if that was possible. I am glued to my laptop. Kids busy preparing for their bright futures in their rooms...or at least one of them is. The other one enters the room.
Daughter- There's nothing nice to eat at home! Husband can hear nothing except the TV.
I - Have some juice.
Daughter - No, something nice.
I (knowing very well what 'nice' means) - Like what? Shall I cut you an apple?
Daughter - No not fruit or fruit juice. Not something good for health! Something nice.
Husband generally believes I get carried away with my passion for healthful and wholesome; he gives us an absent minded glance.
I say - What you need is a glass of milk and a sandwich.
Husband continues watching TV. Daughter gives me "and you call yourself my mother?" look.
I - Maybe all this is just an excuse, because you don't want to study. (watching Husband who now peels his eyes off the TV and gives the brat a glance).
Husband - What do you want to eat?
Daughter - (without looking at me) Plum cake. Masala peanuts. And Pepsi.
I look like I am going to choke - What? You want an upset stomach and pimples? Just before exams? You go do your work; I will get you some chilled watermelon.
Husband, eyes at the TV again, mutters... Are you sure?
Daughter - I don't want something healthy, I want something I like...I am studying!
Husband (to me) - It's okay during exams...they are working hard, let them have what they want...
I (very firmly, pretending to get up) - I will sprinkle some chat masala on watermelon and you will love it with ...
Daughter No I don't want such things! I want something nice!!! (Realises this is taking time. Sits down)
I - What's wrong with you? Show me what you were studying, maybe it's becoming too much, I will ask you some questions to help you revise...
Daughter Nooooo I am hungry...
Husband forgets the TV, picks the phone (like I knew he would) and orders Plum cake, Pepsi and Tasty Nuts for instant home delivery from the neighbourhood grocery shop...like I knew he would :)
I pretend to give up in mild disgust...
Happy Daughter's Day :)
Shahrukh, Smoking and a Fan's Son ;)
My son loved Shahrukh Khan when he was a kid. Once I mentioned I had graduated the same time Shahrukh Khan did, and from the same city. Son who was four and half then, wanted to know "What did he tell you to tell me?"
Yesterday Son said some classmates were trying smoking in the school washroom. I resisted the urge to pounce "Did you join them?" He continued, "I wonder what it feels like."
He is sixteen, and he has seen a chain smoking tuition teacher cough and wheeze.
He knows his parents are health obsessed and they have never smoked. Not even tried.
He has been told:
We have never been curious about smoking, we feel there are far healthier things to be curious about;
We heart our lungs;
Healthy and strong guys look macho, smokers are NOT cool (or hot, whatever...);
Gymming is cool, smoking is so not.
Normally when my kids tell me their friends are doing something like, driving without license, missing classes, buying clothes/shoes/etc, eating out, using better cell phones, it only means one thing, that they also want to do the same.
Son hasn't been a Shahrukh fan for years now, in fact I am the Shahrukh fan in the family, so maybe Ramadoss means Shahrukh fan's children are at a risk of being influenced by King Khan smoking inside his make up van ;)
PS Somebody advise me on what to say to make sure this fast growing young man never smokes. Do I try this advise on Aaarti's blog?
Yesterday Son said some classmates were trying smoking in the school washroom. I resisted the urge to pounce "Did you join them?" He continued, "I wonder what it feels like."
He is sixteen, and he has seen a chain smoking tuition teacher cough and wheeze.
He knows his parents are health obsessed and they have never smoked. Not even tried.
He has been told:
We have never been curious about smoking, we feel there are far healthier things to be curious about;
We heart our lungs;
Healthy and strong guys look macho, smokers are NOT cool (or hot, whatever...);
Gymming is cool, smoking is so not.
Normally when my kids tell me their friends are doing something like, driving without license, missing classes, buying clothes/shoes/etc, eating out, using better cell phones, it only means one thing, that they also want to do the same.
Son hasn't been a Shahrukh fan for years now, in fact I am the Shahrukh fan in the family, so maybe Ramadoss means Shahrukh fan's children are at a risk of being influenced by King Khan smoking inside his make up van ;)
PS Somebody advise me on what to say to make sure this fast growing young man never smokes. Do I try this advise on Aaarti's blog?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Role Models For Today's Women?
This post began as a comment to phoenixritu's post on some Indian women she admires. Here's how I see all these Indian Women. Do I admire them?
1. Savitri was witty and smart I guess, but she also wanted a hundred sons (not even one daughter!), a bad example and role model today!
2. Draupadi: She did not have five husbands, the five husbands had her as their wife, and they had other wives also! But I must say she made the most of the situation. She is an okay role model, the message she gives is, 'Don't sit and cry, make the best of what you have'? Do read Panchali's Mahabharat to see her point of view.
3. Sita was a victim! A husband who abandoned her in a jungle, in her third trimester, had the audacity to claim the custody of her sons. She should have been stronger. It is very convenient for any MCP (In Bollywood movies or K serials) to use her as an example of a good wife.
Edited to add: Yes to Sita, No to Ram. This awesome article made me see Sita in a different light.
4. Gandhari: Blind folded and a hundred sons, no wonder she couldn't raise them well! We see such blind mothers, in India all the time.
Not a good role model at all. And of course she asked for a hundred sons, no daughters. We are still following her example when we bless newly weds, and wish them many sons.
5. Kunti: The famous mother of five successful sons. Five? What about my favourite Karna? Even if she had to abandon him when she was a helpless and innocent young princess, couldn't she tell her sons, just before the war began, that he was their brother?
I can't admire a mother who lived like a queen while her first born suffered humiliation and ignominy, for no fault of his.
I prefer Priety Zinta of Kya Kehna anyday :)
6. Kaikeyi: I agree with phoenixritu, she got bad press :) Kaikeyi did exactly what Sati Savitri did, snatched her husband back from Yama...but unfortunately she was not an only wife.
Still, she cannot be considered a good role model either. She could have asked for Bharat to be made the king without exiling Ram, OR made them share the Kingdom, Pandavas and Kauravas style.
LOL ...or like Mukesh and Anil Ambani ?
7. Laxmibai was married at the age of 9, to a 45 year old King! She is a symbol of courage, so not a bad role model for today's women. Rani Laxmi Bai also shared her (disputed) birthday with Mrs Indira Gandhi and Sushmita Sen (November 19th).
8. Mrignayni: Need to read up on her...
9. Ahiylyabai Holkar: Amongst other things, she helped widows retain their husbands’ wealth. She made sure that a widow was allowed to adopt a son. Way ahead of her times, and far more admirable than Kunti, Sita and Savitri.
10. Jijabai: Agree with phoenixritu, she is a true example of 'The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the crown. 'She is a great role model for today's women. Her strong influence was behind Shivaji's tolerant attitude towards other religions as well as in his fair and kind treatment of women and non-combatants.
Today's armed forces can learn about human rights from her.
11.Panna Dhai: It was common for nurse maids to grow closer to the baby they nursed, than their own babies who were fed on rice gruel or cow's milk, but Panna Dhai is supposed to have nursed them both, so she must have loved her own child too.
How important was it then, to let her own son be killed, to save a prince's life in those days, when princes were being killed in coups all the time? (The coups remind me of Tintin in various African countries.) We were just a collection of bickering kingdoms, fighting with each other, for some extra jageers for taxes and revenues.
As a kid I remember wondering if she actually let her own child pass off as the Prince?
12. Meera Bai: The biggest thing Krishna did for Meera Bai was that her devotion to Krishna protected her from a death by fire, as sati ! She is admirable in the way she lived by her own rules in those terrible times. Love her bhajans and her courage to follow the path she chose.
My favourites are Ahilyabai Holkar and Jija Bai.
1. Savitri was witty and smart I guess, but she also wanted a hundred sons (not even one daughter!), a bad example and role model today!
2. Draupadi: She did not have five husbands, the five husbands had her as their wife, and they had other wives also! But I must say she made the most of the situation. She is an okay role model, the message she gives is, 'Don't sit and cry, make the best of what you have'? Do read Panchali's Mahabharat to see her point of view.
3. Sita was a victim! A husband who abandoned her in a jungle, in her third trimester, had the audacity to claim the custody of her sons. She should have been stronger. It is very convenient for any MCP (In Bollywood movies or K serials) to use her as an example of a good wife.
Edited to add: Yes to Sita, No to Ram. This awesome article made me see Sita in a different light.
4. Gandhari: Blind folded and a hundred sons, no wonder she couldn't raise them well! We see such blind mothers, in India all the time.
Not a good role model at all. And of course she asked for a hundred sons, no daughters. We are still following her example when we bless newly weds, and wish them many sons.
5. Kunti: The famous mother of five successful sons. Five? What about my favourite Karna? Even if she had to abandon him when she was a helpless and innocent young princess, couldn't she tell her sons, just before the war began, that he was their brother?
I can't admire a mother who lived like a queen while her first born suffered humiliation and ignominy, for no fault of his.
I prefer Priety Zinta of Kya Kehna anyday :)
6. Kaikeyi: I agree with phoenixritu, she got bad press :) Kaikeyi did exactly what Sati Savitri did, snatched her husband back from Yama...but unfortunately she was not an only wife.
Still, she cannot be considered a good role model either. She could have asked for Bharat to be made the king without exiling Ram, OR made them share the Kingdom, Pandavas and Kauravas style.
LOL ...or like Mukesh and Anil Ambani ?
7. Laxmibai was married at the age of 9, to a 45 year old King! She is a symbol of courage, so not a bad role model for today's women. Rani Laxmi Bai also shared her (disputed) birthday with Mrs Indira Gandhi and Sushmita Sen (November 19th).
8. Mrignayni: Need to read up on her...
9. Ahiylyabai Holkar: Amongst other things, she helped widows retain their husbands’ wealth. She made sure that a widow was allowed to adopt a son. Way ahead of her times, and far more admirable than Kunti, Sita and Savitri.
10. Jijabai: Agree with phoenixritu, she is a true example of 'The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the crown. 'She is a great role model for today's women. Her strong influence was behind Shivaji's tolerant attitude towards other religions as well as in his fair and kind treatment of women and non-combatants.
Today's armed forces can learn about human rights from her.
11.Panna Dhai: It was common for nurse maids to grow closer to the baby they nursed, than their own babies who were fed on rice gruel or cow's milk, but Panna Dhai is supposed to have nursed them both, so she must have loved her own child too.
How important was it then, to let her own son be killed, to save a prince's life in those days, when princes were being killed in coups all the time? (The coups remind me of Tintin in various African countries.) We were just a collection of bickering kingdoms, fighting with each other, for some extra jageers for taxes and revenues.
As a kid I remember wondering if she actually let her own child pass off as the Prince?
12. Meera Bai: The biggest thing Krishna did for Meera Bai was that her devotion to Krishna protected her from a death by fire, as sati ! She is admirable in the way she lived by her own rules in those terrible times. Love her bhajans and her courage to follow the path she chose.
My favourites are Ahilyabai Holkar and Jija Bai.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
A Drive To Mulshi
Last week two friends and I drove to Mulshi.
A friend had some work that side, and I eagerly volunteered to drive her there. Since I was nervous about the distance, unknown place and highway driving, I persuaded another friend to join us. Husband helped with a list of landmarks and emergency numbers. Both the friends assured they knew the way blind folded. So on a lovely, rainy morning we packed the kids and husbands off to their schools and work places, left instructions with the maids, picked our water bottles, a torch (it was a day trip, but why take a chance?), fully charged mobiles, confirmed that the tool kit and car papers etc were there, in a bag, on the last seat and excitedly took off.
We drove to Chandni Chowk and from there to Paud village, then turned right to a long, narrow road.
This road went on and on ... Green fields, some thatched huts, clouds, hills, mini streams, ponds and birds (the place we went to is a Biodiversity Reserve)...and the knowledge that I DROVE to this unbelievable green heaven!!! When they say heaven is not where you go when you die, heaven is moments like these...they are so right :)
Our Reliance and Airtel phones became useless after this! Any other time this would have bothered me no end...
We saw kids going to school, they start an hour before school starts, and walk many kilometers - having lots of fun, all the way. A bunch of girls in school uniforms, and well oiled hair plaited neatly, asked us for a lift and enthusiastically sang "Sare jehan se achcha Hindustan hamara" with us.
They all want to become doctors when they grow up.
Lavasa next.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
World Peace Day AWARDS :)
Aaarti gave me Blogging Friends Forever award and now I get an opportunity to show my appreciation to some of the posts that made me feel there's still some hope. Since we are going through Times Of Intolerance, I would like to take the liberty to give it to those who have written strong and effective posts on this issue. What better way to end intolerance than becoming friends?
So, I would like give the Blogging Friends Forever award to bloggers who have spoken for PEACE.
I have described their Award Winning Posts the way our News Channels and Newspapers would have described them. It's meant to be funny. The names are direct links to the awarded post.
So on the World Peace Day, BFF Award goes to (in random order)
Pinku who claims her God is the strongest :O
JottingsandMusings who is quite okay if you consider your God superior to hers!
phoenixritu for believing that God has his own agenda.
Hemanth for his religious vocabulary.
Chandni for suggesting we issue a fatwa if we are bored :)
1conoclast for being a half Muslim with a mission!
Yaamyn who wonders if terrorists are a Muslim copyright.
Roop who wants to know if the terrorists are winning!
Kislay who does not like being told that he doesn't look like a typical Bihari!
Nita for saying such stereotyping is genetically inbuilt is humans :)
Corinne for letting us know it is World Peace Day today, 21st September.
Mampi for sanity's sake!
I know there are many more such posts. So if you find a post that gives you hope in these intolerant times, please do leave a link in the comments.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
If ... Tagged again :)
I have been tagged by my space.
The rules for the tag are:
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
I guess I'd be totally shattered at first, then I am sure I will move on...but doesn’t bear thinking!
2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be.
All the terrorist activities of all kinds, bomb blasts, regionalism, communalism, violence will come to an end, and when my kids are at school I will only worry about ‘mundane’ stuff like road accidents, bad grades, some health problems, spoilt teenagers...I will be content with that. At first : )
3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?
Oh My God, that’s my optional dream! All those who cause the above mentioned situation.
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
I’d invest it very wisely.
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Ideally, yes.
6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved any day.
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
For a while I guess...but not too long. Unless the love is totally reciprocated and there is a genuine reason to keep me waiting.
8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Nothing I guess, just be brave and move on.
9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Education, safe havens, better laws to empower the girl child.
10. Do you lie?
I avoid answering, to avoid lying. Yudhishthir style. I know that's still called lying.
11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
Okay let me see...Sept. 2018? Kids: kind of settled. Husband : soon to retire....I will have more time to blog : ) And travel, and do all the things I love to do.
12. What’s your fear?
At the moment I worry a lot about what’s going to happen to this country. I also fear violence.
13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I think she is really sweet and very warm. Yes, sweet is just the word. And she is very real. She talks about good deeds of the day, and hugs, and spring cleaning...things most of us can immediately relate to.
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Single and rich. And then, live in sin with Husband.
15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
The person who loves me back more….no I think it will be the person who is more upright, courageous, honest, correct and kind. These things really do count for me.
16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Well, I guess so...but I won’t be taken for granted, not too much.
17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Forgive? Yes I guess, but Forget? No. I doubt it.
18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Either a happy relationship or single. I’d be fine with both.
19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?
Rabbi Shergil's Bilquis. Because I think that song should be heard by every Indian....
20. I TAG these 6 people because I'd like to know what their answers would be.
MadMomma
ThoughtRoom
phoenixritu
Hemanth
Pinku
Imp's Mom
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Did you feel the Earthquake! (3 20 am)
I woke up with a little shriek. The bed shook. And continued to shake for a few seconds. It shook vigorously enough to wake me with a fright, from deep sleep, but not as much as 26 Jan 2001 in Delhi. (Bhuj)
The cat is awake, maybe my shriek woke him. Dog number one has opened her eyes.
I want to be sure it was an earthquake. Husband is away. Can't call someone at this hour. Don't want to wake up the kids, they were studying till late. So I switch on the TV on mute. There's news about cricket and Delhi blasts, I left the TV on and considered sleeping. But I want to be sure. So I decided to switch on the laptop. And then CNN IBN flashes 'News Flash. Minor tremors felt in Mumbai.'
Not so minor and not so short. I felt the tremors shook the bed for sometime, and were stronger then any I have felt for a while. Did you feel them? My kids and pets have zero instincts...all are fast asleep.
CNN IBN is the only channel that seems to have acknowledged these tremors. 'Restless at home. Minor tremors felt in Mumbai.' Restlessness is exactly what I feel.
Okay now it says, magnitude 4.8.
I guess now I better get some sleep!
Edited to add: Epicenter Satara, Maharashtra. Magnitude 4.8 (felt like 5.3 says the expert who it woke up i.e. me). I don't like the word 'minor' being used, it was strong and terrifying.
The cat is awake, maybe my shriek woke him. Dog number one has opened her eyes.
I want to be sure it was an earthquake. Husband is away. Can't call someone at this hour. Don't want to wake up the kids, they were studying till late. So I switch on the TV on mute. There's news about cricket and Delhi blasts, I left the TV on and considered sleeping. But I want to be sure. So I decided to switch on the laptop. And then CNN IBN flashes 'News Flash. Minor tremors felt in Mumbai.'
Not so minor and not so short. I felt the tremors shook the bed for sometime, and were stronger then any I have felt for a while. Did you feel them? My kids and pets have zero instincts...all are fast asleep.
CNN IBN is the only channel that seems to have acknowledged these tremors. 'Restless at home. Minor tremors felt in Mumbai.' Restlessness is exactly what I feel.
Okay now it says, magnitude 4.8.
I guess now I better get some sleep!
Edited to add: Epicenter Satara, Maharashtra. Magnitude 4.8 (felt like 5.3 says the expert who it woke up i.e. me). I don't like the word 'minor' being used, it was strong and terrifying.
Monday, September 15, 2008
The Life And Times Of Another Indian Homemaker.
A maid of mine was very worried when she and around thirty other residents were told to vacate a plot they occupied . She spent sleepless nights; all her belongings were packed in case they had to leave. Fearing everyday would be the last day she had a home, a job and her dhobi shop.
I told her not to worry; nobody could evict her if she had her papers. Didn't she say her mother was given the land by a visiting political leader? She told me; only ten huts were given with proper papers to ten women. Her mother was one of them. It was a small village, no electricity, far from even the outskirts of the city. That land had no value at that time.
Now, a few years ago, new construction started in that area, a residential complex, a school and some shops opened. Middle class families moved into the area. Suddenly new jobs were created for maids, dhobi, raddiwala, grocery store delivery boys, car cleaners etc. Some of the local people got sheets of tin and tarpaulin and put up shabby sheds and rented them to these workers who came from nearby villages. Where did they put up these sheds? On the same plot my maid also illegally occupied. The land did not belong to any of them! They charged extra if the tenant took an electricity connection. Where did this electric connection come from? They all had TVs!
My maid needed to stay here, because here, close to her mother, she felt safer. Her husband lay, all day, in a drunken stupor. She had found work. Her three children were going to a local school; she knew she could turn to us if she needed urgent cash. She had bought an old colour TV from an employer, a mixer grinder and an old gas stove from another. She had a 'godrej' cupboard to protect her belongings. (There was no way to lock the 'house' which was made up of some sheets of tin, tarpaulin, used car covers etc.) And I was happy hearing the progress she was making in life, all on her own. And then she made another shed – on public land, and rented it for Rs 500/- to a young boy who worked in a restaurant.
Life wasn’t easy here. Liquor became readily available. Her husband remained drunk all day. His creepy friends visited them and she worried about her young daughters. She was beaten almost every evening for little things she did wrong. When her mother tried to intervene, she was pushed and she fell so hard she cut her chin. The whole neighborhood was the same. Most of the men and young boys were addicted to alcohol and evenings were always noisy. Women screaming, children howling, men yelling, she said she wished he would die.*
“If it’s such a sad situation why don’t you just leave him?” But of course he won’t leave her. I had seen enough such cases to know leaving him was not an option. He used to follow her to make sure she was not spending the money she earned on some other man! And one evening he persuaded her to come to a pond where women washed clothes in the mornings, once there, he tried to drown her, saying he knew she had a lover.
The slum grew. She had been there for two years when the talk of encroachment and eviction started. The ten small huts had become a slum of thirty by now. She considered her options.
She could not go back to her husband's village because her husband had got into some brawl there, in which a man had died of stabbing. She said she had paid the police in her village, Rs 5000/- (Bail? Bribe? ), she had sold everything they had, to get her husband out and brought him to this place. Now where would she go if they were evicted from here?
I had seen such things in movies and was really worried about her, although I disapproved of their encroachment and her husband’s criminal background. And then suddenly without explaining much, she took four days off to run around and 'regularise' her house. Some paperwork, some signatures, some bribing and her shed cum shop, now belonged to her. A local political group was helping them.
Did the people living there benefit from this move? NO. Just a few tough families, got most of the shanties registered in their own or their family members' names. The actual slum dwellers remained tenants of some local bullies who had built these make-shift sheds and rented them to those poorer than themselves, for Rs. 500/- to 2000/- depending on electric connection and the amount of space etc. SOME comparatively RICHER locals got further RICH! Some politician got some more confirmed votes. And the poorest had to pay higher rent because now the plot legally belonged to the owner!
Nothing came to most of the people who were actually living there.
And so today there are around 350 bricks and tin houses/sheds. There are grocery shops, paan shops, biscuit and vada pau shops, a cobbler, bicycle repair shop, vegetable and fish vendors to cater to these 350 families. The area is dirty (only ten toilets for all 350 odd houses, most people prefer the road side for nature’s call), many including my maid's husband are petty criminals, there are drunken brawls, life is noisy, violent and unsafe. She has had her hair pulled, she has scratched and been scratched, there is pushing and kicking, fights over drinking water are a matter of survival, flies and mosquitoes keep the children ill all the time. It’s unsafe for young maids to walk home late from work. One young mother was chased by a drunk when she had to take her child to the public toilet at 11 PM, luckily the child howled, and other people woke up. One young man got inside a shed when a maid’s nine year old daughter was alone at 'home', the child managed to scream, despite the threatening knife.
A political group has put up their board over there. They don’t care to get the place cleaned, but free liquor is distributed on all festivals. One thing I am sure of, if someone truly banned liquor here, they will get all the women’s votes.
* She will never get a role in Ekta Kapoor’s serials.
Edited to add: The above post had started as a comment to Corinne Rodrigue's post 'I didn't speak up'.
I told her not to worry; nobody could evict her if she had her papers. Didn't she say her mother was given the land by a visiting political leader? She told me; only ten huts were given with proper papers to ten women. Her mother was one of them. It was a small village, no electricity, far from even the outskirts of the city. That land had no value at that time.
Now, a few years ago, new construction started in that area, a residential complex, a school and some shops opened. Middle class families moved into the area. Suddenly new jobs were created for maids, dhobi, raddiwala, grocery store delivery boys, car cleaners etc. Some of the local people got sheets of tin and tarpaulin and put up shabby sheds and rented them to these workers who came from nearby villages. Where did they put up these sheds? On the same plot my maid also illegally occupied. The land did not belong to any of them! They charged extra if the tenant took an electricity connection. Where did this electric connection come from? They all had TVs!
My maid needed to stay here, because here, close to her mother, she felt safer. Her husband lay, all day, in a drunken stupor. She had found work. Her three children were going to a local school; she knew she could turn to us if she needed urgent cash. She had bought an old colour TV from an employer, a mixer grinder and an old gas stove from another. She had a 'godrej' cupboard to protect her belongings. (There was no way to lock the 'house' which was made up of some sheets of tin, tarpaulin, used car covers etc.) And I was happy hearing the progress she was making in life, all on her own. And then she made another shed – on public land, and rented it for Rs 500/- to a young boy who worked in a restaurant.
Life wasn’t easy here. Liquor became readily available. Her husband remained drunk all day. His creepy friends visited them and she worried about her young daughters. She was beaten almost every evening for little things she did wrong. When her mother tried to intervene, she was pushed and she fell so hard she cut her chin. The whole neighborhood was the same. Most of the men and young boys were addicted to alcohol and evenings were always noisy. Women screaming, children howling, men yelling, she said she wished he would die.*
“If it’s such a sad situation why don’t you just leave him?” But of course he won’t leave her. I had seen enough such cases to know leaving him was not an option. He used to follow her to make sure she was not spending the money she earned on some other man! And one evening he persuaded her to come to a pond where women washed clothes in the mornings, once there, he tried to drown her, saying he knew she had a lover.
The slum grew. She had been there for two years when the talk of encroachment and eviction started. The ten small huts had become a slum of thirty by now. She considered her options.
She could not go back to her husband's village because her husband had got into some brawl there, in which a man had died of stabbing. She said she had paid the police in her village, Rs 5000/- (Bail? Bribe? ), she had sold everything they had, to get her husband out and brought him to this place. Now where would she go if they were evicted from here?
I had seen such things in movies and was really worried about her, although I disapproved of their encroachment and her husband’s criminal background. And then suddenly without explaining much, she took four days off to run around and 'regularise' her house. Some paperwork, some signatures, some bribing and her shed cum shop, now belonged to her. A local political group was helping them.
Did the people living there benefit from this move? NO. Just a few tough families, got most of the shanties registered in their own or their family members' names. The actual slum dwellers remained tenants of some local bullies who had built these make-shift sheds and rented them to those poorer than themselves, for Rs. 500/- to 2000/- depending on electric connection and the amount of space etc. SOME comparatively RICHER locals got further RICH! Some politician got some more confirmed votes. And the poorest had to pay higher rent because now the plot legally belonged to the owner!
Nothing came to most of the people who were actually living there.
And so today there are around 350 bricks and tin houses/sheds. There are grocery shops, paan shops, biscuit and vada pau shops, a cobbler, bicycle repair shop, vegetable and fish vendors to cater to these 350 families. The area is dirty (only ten toilets for all 350 odd houses, most people prefer the road side for nature’s call), many including my maid's husband are petty criminals, there are drunken brawls, life is noisy, violent and unsafe. She has had her hair pulled, she has scratched and been scratched, there is pushing and kicking, fights over drinking water are a matter of survival, flies and mosquitoes keep the children ill all the time. It’s unsafe for young maids to walk home late from work. One young mother was chased by a drunk when she had to take her child to the public toilet at 11 PM, luckily the child howled, and other people woke up. One young man got inside a shed when a maid’s nine year old daughter was alone at 'home', the child managed to scream, despite the threatening knife.
A political group has put up their board over there. They don’t care to get the place cleaned, but free liquor is distributed on all festivals. One thing I am sure of, if someone truly banned liquor here, they will get all the women’s votes.
* She will never get a role in Ekta Kapoor’s serials.
Edited to add: The above post had started as a comment to Corinne Rodrigue's post 'I didn't speak up'.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
When Is It Okay For A Man To Beat His Wife?
Well, the girl in my last post said there was no problem and they were both fine. Chapter closed.
I got a feeling, from some of the comments on that post, that some bloggers feel, that under certain circumstances, some amount of domestic violence is tolerable.
Others feared that the wife was beating the husband. I have not witnessed or heard of any such case, but, even if violence against men by their wives is not as common as violence against women by their husbands, abused men need justice just like abused women do.
It's not men verses women. It's abuser verses victim.I have heard of, and witnessed countless cases of women being physically abused. Mainly domestic helpers, living in servants' quarters, the proximity exposes you to their lives, like nothing can. Women of all ages are beaten and bruised. It is not uncommon to hear of a woman being beaten in our society.
I wanted to know why violence was acceptable and under what kind of circumstances. I am very clear that I don’t think any kind of domestic violence is acceptable, under any circumstances. And I quite admire Renuka Chaudhury for the Domestic Violence Act 2005.(I am aware of the criticism.)
I started with asking my domestic maids.
Maid 1 Age 34, looks 50, hollow cheeks, has three school going kids. When she saw our weighing scales she requested to check her weight, I still remember it was 34 kgs.She cleans my house for 800/- per month.
Maid 2 Claims she is 25, born two years before Mrs Gandhi was killed (1984). Looks eighteen, has three small kids. She cooks and does kitchen work, for 1300/- pm.
IHM: Under what circumstances is it okay for a man to beat his wife?
Maid 1 Such things happen in jhopad patti, not in decent families.
Maid 2 He should not hit her, but if he is angry, she can keep quiet until his temper has cooled down, then there won't be so much violence.
IHM: So would you blame the woman?
Both: Only if she talks back.
IHM: So if he talks back can she also beat him?
Maid 1 Giggles...what kind of stuff does didi talk!!
Maid 2 Looks like she thinks I have come from another planet. Which I have... in so many ways? Sigh.
IHM: Fine. So it is okay if he beats her when she answers back?
Maid 1 Not okay, it's not good, but what can she do? Why invite trouble?
Maid 2 If we go straight, then there is no problem; if we walk ikde tikde then he will beat us.
IHM: If he walks ikde tikde you can also beat him?
Maid 1: My niece had such problems, her parents went to Mahila Mandal, they kept the husband inside (locked up) for two days, they called and questioned her in-laws, now they are all fine. She has two daughters. He doesn't abuse her anymore. Don't write our names!!
(I wanted to know more about this Mahila Mandal, but she had no idea.)
Maid 2 - No, how can a wife beat her husband? The Police should beat him.
IHM: But you do think it's okay for a man to beat his wife?
Maid 1 It's not okay didi, but this happens when the girl is from a weaker or poorer, family, then her parents say, ‘We can't feed ourselves, how will we feed you? You just adjust with your husband.' Boy's family knows she has nowhere to go...
Maid 2 says nothing then, but after Maid 1 has gone, she confides: My husband works only when he wants to, but can I watch my kids starving? When he is sitting idle at home he creates trouble, but I keep quiet, to maintain peace. Maid 1's husband drinks...but don't tell her I said so...
And I am thinking maybe I am wrong to ask them such questions. The cruelest thing is they can't even talk about it. It is something they are so ashamed of! Alcoholism and violence at home are called 'family matters'.
IHM: When you vote, can't you demand that the liquor bars be closed, if someone gets liquor banned in your area will you vote for him/her? Can't you women demand that?
Both the maids brightened, they have no doubt that liquor is the root of most of their troubles.
Liquor is as dangerous an addiction as drugs, we take drugs so seriously, then why is alcohol not taken seriously? Go to any slum, ask any women there and they will say everything was fine until liquor ruined their husbands and then the whole family.
IHM: If it's your child, your son, beating his wife, what would you do?
Maid 1 Usko galee degi! (I will curse him)
IHM: If it's your daughter being beaten, will you bring her back home to you?
Maid 1's face falls. This is a cruel question, she has two daughters. I add, It will never happen. I know you will never let such a thing happen, but imagine any other girl dear to you, if it happens to someone you know...
Maid 1 (Looking determined and stronger suddenly) I will bring my daughter back. A mother can manage anything if she has to, but what can I say about her brother? Will he take care of her after me?
IHM: What if she is earning? You earn as much as your husband, don't you?
Maid 1 If she earns she will be able to manage.
Edited to add : This post found mention in the F word, an online magazine dedicated to talking about and sharing ideas on contemporary UK feminism.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
What does one make of this?
When the new working committee for our Cooperative Housing Society was elected a member, a female resident, complained that there were too many women in the Working Committee, she said they will find it very difficult to 'manage'.
"Why?"I asked very conversationally.
"If there is a problem late at night what will they do?" She said.
So last evening, I had just finished brushing my teeth before going to bed, when I heard a woman scream. Daughter came running, looking terrified, Son ran to my room after her, "What was that?" Husband was away. Another scream. What's happening? We rushed to the window in the direction from where it seemed to be coming.
So many windows, some lit, some dark. And then a balcony door opened a man came out, and looked here and there. He too had heard the screams? Why weren't the other residents rushing out? It was only 10 30 pm...was everybody asleep? Or maybe watching the News. TV deadens outside sounds. Another piercing shriek.
What does one do? Somebody was screaming, she needed help... She could be dying right now? So I yelled in general direction, "Sentry, yeh awaaz kahan se aa rahee hai, check karo...sentry...(more urgent) SENTRY!" (Sentry check where this noise is coming from). A window opened, "It's coming from **** ". Another window somewhere, "It came yesterday also!", and then the man in the balcony, "We rang their door bell yesterday, nobody opened the door."
Was it the right door bell? Oh my God what's going on...More screams. I saw a sentry walking in that direction.
I called the Society Secretary. There was NO hesitation, she asked "Are you prepared to come there right now? " I changed quickly, picked a torch and cellphone, and ran.
We made the sentries wait outside.
No robbers or dacoits had broken into the house. Just a young couple. Both working. (Software engineers). The husband said they were both short tempered and they were just fighting, and giving wife a dirty look, added that she has a habit of screaming too loudly, and no, there was no violence.
I had heard her scream, "you cannot hit me!" just moments before we rushed there. What was that, I asked. She agreed there was violence but she also hit him back. We told her how her screams were heard earlier also. Just screams, no words. Husband looked angrily at her and told her all this embarrassment was a result of her loud screaming. But why would she just keep screaming if they were fighting, won't she say something or yell?
I was thinking, "Will he gag her before he beats her next time so we don't hear her scream? IF he was hitting her."
We gave some ML (Moral Lectures), warned them, ('Next time somebody might call the police.') I made sure I told them that now it was a crime to hit to your spouse... But the fact is we have NO IDEA exactly what as going on. I just hope he was not hitting her...was he?
What do you think should we do...what CAN we do? Is this something we should be worried about?
"Why?"I asked very conversationally.
"If there is a problem late at night what will they do?" She said.
So last evening, I had just finished brushing my teeth before going to bed, when I heard a woman scream. Daughter came running, looking terrified, Son ran to my room after her, "What was that?" Husband was away. Another scream. What's happening? We rushed to the window in the direction from where it seemed to be coming.
So many windows, some lit, some dark. And then a balcony door opened a man came out, and looked here and there. He too had heard the screams? Why weren't the other residents rushing out? It was only 10 30 pm...was everybody asleep? Or maybe watching the News. TV deadens outside sounds. Another piercing shriek.
What does one do? Somebody was screaming, she needed help... She could be dying right now? So I yelled in general direction, "Sentry, yeh awaaz kahan se aa rahee hai, check karo...sentry...(more urgent) SENTRY!" (Sentry check where this noise is coming from). A window opened, "It's coming from **** ". Another window somewhere, "It came yesterday also!", and then the man in the balcony, "We rang their door bell yesterday, nobody opened the door."
Was it the right door bell? Oh my God what's going on...More screams. I saw a sentry walking in that direction.
I called the Society Secretary. There was NO hesitation, she asked "Are you prepared to come there right now? " I changed quickly, picked a torch and cellphone, and ran.
We made the sentries wait outside.
No robbers or dacoits had broken into the house. Just a young couple. Both working. (Software engineers). The husband said they were both short tempered and they were just fighting, and giving wife a dirty look, added that she has a habit of screaming too loudly, and no, there was no violence.
I had heard her scream, "you cannot hit me!" just moments before we rushed there. What was that, I asked. She agreed there was violence but she also hit him back. We told her how her screams were heard earlier also. Just screams, no words. Husband looked angrily at her and told her all this embarrassment was a result of her loud screaming. But why would she just keep screaming if they were fighting, won't she say something or yell?
I was thinking, "Will he gag her before he beats her next time so we don't hear her scream? IF he was hitting her."
We gave some ML (Moral Lectures), warned them, ('Next time somebody might call the police.') I made sure I told them that now it was a crime to hit to your spouse... But the fact is we have NO IDEA exactly what as going on. I just hope he was not hitting her...was he?
What do you think should we do...what CAN we do? Is this something we should be worried about?
Monday, September 8, 2008
Quirky tag ...much, much delayed!
I had been tagged by refelctions to write about six quirks I have. I had never given any real thought to my quirks before so let me take my tip from the tagger's treatment of the subject.
1. I FORGET faces, names, people, dates, amounts paid or not paid, important details that should NOT be forgotten.
And I REMEMBER people's Zodiac signs, their time of birth, if I have taken a look at their chart, then even other details in their birth-charts.
I even try to guess the sun signs of characters in books and movies. Do other bloggers do that?
And I REMEMBER people's Zodiac signs, their time of birth, if I have taken a look at their chart, then even other details in their birth-charts.
I even try to guess the sun signs of characters in books and movies. Do other bloggers do that?
2. I feel time, life and everything else stops if the green lights on the Wireless Router stop blinking :)
Or (God forbid) if the Computer has some problem!3. Any house I enter I try to see how safe it is from break ins. Do the windows have grills? Is the complex/locality walled safely? Are there any slums around? How far are the servants' quarters? Do they have live-in help walking in and out of their house? Is the entrance to the house burglar friendly by being hidden from the sight? And invariably the observations are reasonably correct....I'd make a good watchman :)
4. I love to go through the 'User's Manual', cover to cover. I know more about our Car, TV, Washing Machine, Digital Cameras, Cell Phones, ACs, Toaster, Microwave, Iron, Electric Kettle, Pen Drives, Dental Implants, then the people using them :)
5. I love loud music while driving and dancing. At all other times loud TV or music makes me simply miserable. I am a teenager 's nightmare mom. I think maybe I have extra sharp ears, so loud noises cause physical discomfort. Maybe I was a dog in my last life...
6.I go out of my way to avoid wasting anything. Paper is recycled, food is sent for stray animals, clothes are painstakingly ironed and given away, lights are switched off while leaving a room...sometimes it goes too far. Isn't this a very Indian Homemaker like quirk? Thankfully I pass the Newspaper, plastic bags and such things to my maids everyday...otherwise I would be tempted to collect and sell those too ;)
Now for who do I think should do this TAG...I guess I will leave it open, most tags are a lot of fun, so if you think you'd enjoy doing this one do go ahead. Will be delighted if you let me know when you've posted your quirks :)
Now for who do I think should do this TAG...I guess I will leave it open, most tags are a lot of fun, so if you think you'd enjoy doing this one do go ahead. Will be delighted if you let me know when you've posted your quirks :)
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