Driving on a rainy day :)

What an unexpectedly lovely day! Drove around the town running errands that could have been easily avoided. The rain puddles, constant drizzle, misting windows, and outside everything cleaner and greener....All the potholes, craters and ditches were overflowing, it must have rained most of the last night! The perfect kind of weather for long drives and hot samosas! No samosas were possible because of suspected-amebiasis so simply enjoyed the lovely day, drove though the puddles and city-road-craters. Generally I carry a camera wherever I go, today was one day when I really missed it. At one point I parked very close to a rain drenched Ashoka tree, the leaves fell all over the wind screen...and I didn’t have a camera! Then I remembered my cell phone camera, and took this picture...



A camera would have captured the Ashoka leaves brushing against the glass much better, but at least I have this.

After all the unimportant, avoidable errands were taken care for, I drove back home, and it was so disappointing to have to park! The final disappointment came when the car announced it was running on reserve fuel! And then it dawned upon me that, for the first time, I had driven enough to finish all that fuel!!!!Now I can safely say I HEART driving....come rain or high water:)

PS I know it isn’t nice to waste fuel, the thing is I am still learning, and need to practice.

Page 123, line 6...... a TAG again.

Devaki tagged me to write the sixth, seventh and eighth lines of page 123 of the the book closest at hand. The book on my bedside table is called 'Complete Home Medical Guide' (American College of Physicians, DK Publishing, www.dk.com.)

This book has been our guide for ten years now, helping us through lower back aches, allergies and dental cavities. It once reassured us that every abdominal pain on the lower right side was not appendicitis, and hence saved an unnecessary, midnight trip to the Hospital!

It has also filled me with guilt by insisting that the much avoided regular check ups are the best prevention for most health problems.

When it was new, every time I read any symptoms I was sure someone in the family had them. Once this book had me rushing to get an Stomach Endoscopy done. The book said acidity could lead to Stomach Cancer. LOL... Over a period of time I have learned to use it more bravely :)

The book written by a team of doctors is a blessing when most Doctors in India, either because of lack of knowledge or pure indifference do not give you enough information...and you really need to know what's happening to you. It also provides a list of websites for more information.

Pages 122 and 123 are 17th amongst 70 Symptoms Charts which help you in 'Assessing your Symptoms'. The 6th, 7th and 8th lines of page 123 makes no sense here, but like Devaki says that's the fun of tags! So the lines are: 'If your depression continues longer than 2 weeks after the viral symptoms have gone, make an appointment to see your doctor.'

And now for who should do this tag next! Let's see, I TAG Priyanka, Manpreet and Thought Room.

She does NOT invite it.

This post is in response to Chandni's post on how girls are judged by the way they dress.
I have seen most people believe that if a girl is dressed decently she will not be harassed, molested or raped. So a burqua/chador/abaya should be the safest? It isn't. Read what happens when you treat girls as objects, not as humans with their own minds, feelings and lives.

Pressure to wear appropriate clothing is a different issue, what's appropriate for office may look too stiff on a dance floor. But pressure to wear clothing that shows they respect tradition and culture of the place in all kinds of weather is only for women. Tradition and Culture are the easiest ways to control women, or even a whole population. We need to use common sense instead walking on the trodden path.

Indian men gave up traditional clothing and switched to western clothing, warm blazers, trousers and shoes and socks, women continue to wear the saree even in shivering winters and dripping monsoons. Tabu struggling with her saree in the snow, in Namesake sums up the inconvenience/impracticality of following outdated traditional/inappropriate clothing. Churidaar and kurta which came to India with the Mughals was fine for their weather (Central Asia), Indian saree made more sense for Indian summers. Today, the saree is totally accepted, in fact respected in India, but in Pakistan the same saree is considered revealing! It's less about how much is showing, more about does it indicate that the woman is breaking the norm. It's like if she smokes a cigarette (does something most women don't) she is loose, but if she smokes a bidi? Well many village women do that. No problem.

The belief is so deep seated that girls are told to dress and behave in certain ways to avoid male attention, protection becomes imprisonment very fast. And quite unnecessarily. What about child abuse? Custodial rape? Rapes of dalits by upper castes? I repeat, if clothing protected women from male attention, then Burqua clad women will face no male attention. Right? Read this.

Quite on the contrary, if women dress the way they like and men are made to understand that they will face legal action etc for harassing them, the harassment will stop. There is no other way. It's not clothing, it's not how a woman dresses, it's the way the men think. A decent guy will look away if a woman is dressed in a way that embarrasses him, he will not pass lewd remarks. A creep will pass comment on a woman of any age, dressed in any way. My mother only wears sarees, and when you see her from her back you cannot make out how old she is. Once she heard two young boys , laughing and arguing "Mine, heh heh heh !", "No Mine!" "She was in her fifties then, and she turned to see the faces of these boys, they took out their tongue to show embarrassment when they realised how old she was. Before she could react, they cycled away giggling shamelessly. And she was neither young, nor wearing revealing/nontraditional clothing.

Quoting Irfan Engineer 'Power wielding elite exploit helpless victims to satisfy their lust without any respect for dress code of any woman. The argument that ghunghat protected women from sexual lust of power wielding men will logically lead us to the conclusion that victims of rape are themselves responsible for the crime and invited the sexual assault as they were not properly clad. How do you explain rapes in police custody and sexual harassment at workplace in that case? Can one imagine a dalit landless labourer sexually assaulting an upper caste woman from a land owning family in a village however she may be dressed? Not because dalit males respect the individuality of the fairer sex but they know that the consequence of such a misadventure. What matters is, who is vested with power and social sanctions and not how one is dressed.'

Remember some of the reactions to the New Year Eve Mumbai molestation case? Our elite media, repeated many, many times, 'Girls were skimpily dressed'.

Brothers hear parents tell the girls to dress appropriately to avoid male attention, and they assume it's the girls who are responsible for any crimes committed against them. Boys are innocent, girls dress provokingly, boys get provoked! They cannot help it. How logical is that?

A city that is safe for everyone else is safe for women also. Compare Mumbai and Delhi. Crime and Law and Order situation overall, and crimes against women go together. So if we don't want crimes against women we need to ensure our cities are safe. Covering them in full sleeved kurtas and heavy dupattas will not make any difference.

We women, (specially mothers) can make so much difference.
If we just stop telling our daughters not to invite trouble by dressing daringly, do tell her to be careful, the way you'd tell your son to be careful.
Teach her how to handle emergencies. Just like you would teach a son, without frightening or blaming her. And NEVER say, she invited it. No girl invites crimes against herself.
If she tells you someone misbehaved with her, do NOT blame her! She will never have the courage to tell you again, even if she really needs your help.

Edited to add: Do we realise harassment and eve teasing has serious repercussions for girls? They are not allowed to go to school and colleges because parents are afraid they will be harassed. Read about it here.

Added on Oct 14, 2008 - When CM of Delhi thought girls should stay at home after dark, read what Quirky Indian wrote here.

I did it :)

Today I drove our family car...I did it!!!!! Just like that! First I thought there will be problem in backing out of the garage. None. Just turned left, backed out, easy:) This had me smiling all day. Called and told all friends and acquaintances.
Mum was the one most amazed. "You did? You really did!! Are you joking?"
I was almost hurt, "Why are you so surprised, all my friends said 'We knew you would the day you decide to start it'."
And true I have never had such wonderful friends. Nobody was surprised, all were delighted, some wanted to be taken for a ride, some wanted celebrations. All promised to find excuses to help me practice further. The one friend who had nagged me into replacing the Maruti keys with these ones in my bag was not above taking credit for it. Oh, I have friends worth cherishing!
Told Husband when he called. He was delighted, but asked me to be careful. I realise the only thing I need to be careful about is exactly what worries me in the Maruti - Two Wheelers overtaking from the left. And one gets used to that also, just need some cautious practice.
Oh I am so, so happy!!!

DAY TWO
A friend kindly decided to trust her life in my hands. She had to go to a particular tailor. So off we went, feeling like two excited teenagers, drove cautiously, took quieter roads, drove a little more when her job was done - extra practice. Faced some difficulty while parking today, but managed after a few tries. As I was parking, it announced, "Your vehicle is running on reserved fuel!" Did I actually drive this much? No I didn't, of course, there was hardly any fuel in the first place.
I looked for and found the booklets that came with the car. I feel as if the car has just been bought.

DAY THREE
The car needs fuel. So we drive up to the closest Petrol Pump, no Extra Mile there, we need to go further. We go through crowded roads, and I am totally comfortable, actually never been this comfortable before! We get our fuel, Son jumps out to see the machine was reset to ZERO, Daughter counts the money to be paid, I am concentrating on stopping the car in the right place. The kids have to be bribed for all this support, they buy 'Ten Thousand BC', 'The Spiderwick Chronicles', 'Enchanted' and 'Twenty Seven Dresses', while I wait cheerfully basking in a new achievement, listening to Radio One. I had thought I will never be able to drive this car, we were actually considering buying another small car for me, but that was in the bad old days ... I call my Mom again. "Guess where am I speaking from?" From there we drive to the Gym, where I practice parking, backing and driving back home. One day I was going to do this alone:)

DAY FOUR
The kids cannot be bribed for any more 'support' though they agree to help park the car back in the garage when I get back. I volunteer to take Gym-friend for an ultrasound. Again I wait in the car and take pictures. Then we (for the first time) drive to the Gym in this car. My foot presses 'Brake' when I want to press 'Accelerator', and the car stops when I want to turn and park! No problem, I restart and park without any further trouble. Am in no mood to exercise. Walk on the tread mill half heartedly. Drop Gym friend at her place and park the car in a single attempt, just right, just perfectly! With no help!!! The kids are slightly surprised.
Today I enjoyed driving, without getting stressed(despite minor problems).

DAY FIVE
That will be tomorrow. These days I find myself humming happily, and then wonder why am I so happy...what was it? Oh of course I did it!!!! I regret no more:)

My Deep, Dark Secrets! (TAG)

Chandni tagged me to reveal ten deep, dark secrets...everybody seems to have cheated on this tag and just written titbits about themselves. I have made no attempt to be a little more honest ;)

1. I love Rock and Roll. Fun bhi Exercise bhi!

2. I am not a foodie, I like very simple, Indian food. Don't even like chocolates and colas.

3. I enjoy serious discussions and debates. I act cool, but mostly I am really angry if the issue is close to my heart.

4. I am genuinely surprised when I hear women say, they feel their husband could have handled a situation better, not because the said husbands are more efficient/qualified/smarter but because they are men. Do they believe this? Or is it just the way they talk, out of habit?

5. I love animals, and find it very difficult to even be polite to people who are cruel to animals. One specimen that had me fuming, "They are born as stray dogs in this life because they must have done something wrong in their last life." What I did not say, "Well, you will also be born as a stray dog in your next life, if you remain so cruel and condescending!"

6. I live in denim Jeans/shorts etc, T Shirts and Sneakers. Or, of late, Gym Wear by Yoga (with lycra).

7. I have no passion for jewellery, but I drool in The Home Store, Life Style, Shopper's Stop, The Good earth etc ‘Kitchen Section’. Tea cups, Pans, Ladles, Gadgets, Blinds, Hobs, Dinner Plates...I can pass hours window shopping. Hardware, Furniture, Linen and Grocery Department also have almost the same effect on my salivary glands.

8. Although I am obsessed with fitness, I am careless about equally essential regular checkups.

9. I am close to my mom, but Dad was my best friend. I am so much like him with my own kids that I am amazed myself.

10. If our principles decided our faith, Jainism comes closest to mine.

And now I pass this tag to ...

1. Imp's Mom

2.Aaarti

3. Thought Room

4. Asaaan

Seperated she smiles.

My Gym friend and I walked out of the Gym, to be welcomed by a slight drizzle and soft breeze. We got into the car, and rolled the windows down. Radio One was playing some catchy Bollywood song. I did not want to stop driving, it was just the kind of weather to make you wish to finish all your outdoors jobs. We wanted to basically gallivant.
This friend is one amazing woman. Can't believe she spent the whole of last year fighting for mobility and pain relief. Almost the whole of last year she spent walking in and out of hospitals. Regular, supervised exercises and lots of determination has totally cured her.
A good amount of her troubles were caused by the emotional stress caused by her unpredictable, short tempered, violent and abusive husband. She walked out of her marriage.Her husband is in the same city and their only child spends weekends with his dad.
At first I thought and assumed that she was 'hoping things will work out and they will get back together', we all love happy endings, and what other happy ending was possible? But I realised I was SO wrong! She was happy, she was really content ALONE. She does not want another man in her life.
She loves the freedom from unhappiness and physical pain. She lives with her mother, who dotes upon her (her father died many years ago). She enjoys her job, she enjoys her classical dancing classes, she has a busy life, a loving family, close friends and a determination to live her life. And to live it on her own terms. Seeing her so happy reinforces my belief that good, happy Singledom is as good as a Happy Marriage and a million times better than an abusive marriage.

Adding this link I found on Mad Momma's blog, it's about singledom.
Here's another link which talks about how singledom can be a fairy tale ending!

Your Favorite Newspaper: Headlines & Front Page

This is what we are being served as "NEWS"!

Delhi, Mumbai, Pune, Bangalore, Chennai, Chandigarh...etc FRONTPAGE News in The Times Of India.

Saif pips SRK in ad visibility race

Stars stump cricketers in ad wars

Bollywood Stars Shine, Only 2 Cricketers In Top 10

Indranil Basu | TNN

Bollywood and cricket might be the two passions of India, but when it comes to celebrity brands’ visibility on TV, the silver screen stars are clearly ahead of sporting heroes.
Only two Indian cricketers — M S Dhoni and Sachin Tendulkar — figure in a list of the 10 most visible celebrities featuring in TV ads.There are no other sportspersons in the list. And while Shah Rukh Khan may be the undisputed badshah of Bollywood, he’s been pipped in this particular race by Chhote Nawab Saif Ali Khan.
According to the AdEx Survey, prepared by TAM Media Research, TV ads featuring Saif Ali Khan appeared for as many as 45 lakh seconds through 2007. SRK followed with 42 lakh seconds, while Amitabh Bachchan was third with 32 lakh.
Hrithik Roshan may not be seen too often on the silver screen these days, but he’s highly visible in ads, coming in fourth with 31 lakh seconds. Kajol — another star whose movies are few and far between — was fifth overall and the highest-ranked woman with 22 lakh seconds. Dhoni followed close behind at No. 6, ahead of Tendulkar. Preity Zinta, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and Juhi Chawla rounded off the top 10. With 13.2 lakh seconds, Chawla was ahead of reigning box-office draws like Priyanka Chopra (11 lakh seconds), Bipasha Basu (6.4 lakh) and Kareena Kapoor (6 lakh).
However, SRK and the Big B continue to endorse the largest number of brands. In 2006, Bachchan endorsed 41 brands, while SRK had 35. But in 2007, the tables were turned: King Khan endorsed 39 brands with 21 advertisers while Bachchan was brand ambassador for 36 brands with 20 advertisers.
In terms of visibility, Dhoni, Sachin and Dravid (8 lakh seconds) were well ahead of other Indian sportspersons, including Yuvraj Singh (6 lakh) and Irfan Pathan (4 lakh). The highest-ranked noncricketing sports star was N Karthikeyan (1.5 lakh seconds).
Interestingly, small screen actors fared quite well too. TV star Hussain, with 8.85 lakh seconds, came in ahead of Bollywood hunks Akshay Kumar (8.7 lakh) and Salman Khan (2 lakh),while female stars like Mona ‘Jassi’ Singh (3.4 lakh) and Smriti ‘Tulsi’ Irani (3.35 lakh) made their mark as well.

I heart tags :)

Mandira tagged me, so here's lots more about me:)

I am: An Idealist. Honest. An Optimist.

I think:one day there will be peace, compassion, justice, freedom, happiness all over the world.

I want: to live to see World Peace; a better India; Politics sans crime and violence;equality and justice for all living creatures, including women and minorities world over.

I have: the power to do my bit.

I wish: I was more disciplined. Had more will power. Did not get so obsessed with the latest interest that I neglect everything else.

I hate:Bigots. Fundamentalists. MCPs. Fascists. Taliban. Communalism. Honor Killing. Gender Bias. Cruelty to animals. Narrow mindedness.

I miss: My dad...NO one in this world can hear and advise as patiently.

I fear: if we do not do something, this country will be ruled by Fundamentalists/religious fanatics/hypocrites ('Girls should not wear jeans to allure boys' kind of governments).

I feel: Very strongly about justice, fair play, privacy, freedom, equality, about state interfering with citizens' personal lives (e.g. rights for gays and lesbians/celebrating Valentine's day).

I hear: Extra sharp. Can be a nuisance sometimes.

I crave: Ras Malai & Kaju Katli.

I search:and never find an explanation for why God created a World so imperfect.

I wonder: how anybody can have such double standards, no conscience, closed minds, so much fear, no feelings, so much greed, such dishonesty...and still look normal. (upon meeting such people)

I regret: Nothing very seriously, just little things that can be amended- not going to the Gym regularly, not starting to drive earlier...not driving the more spacious, more comfortable, family vehicle yet...

I love: My family and pets. My causes. Democracy. My freedom. Any body's Freedom.

I ache: for injured stray animals looking for water, food and some love.

I care: About what happens to children on the streets. About women on pavements ...about little girls and boys growing up in homes where alcohol and violence ruin their childhood.

I am not: as independent and bold as I'd like to be. But I am trying.

I believe: If we really, really want something we do always get it.

I dance: Love dancing very much. Always amongst the first on the floor and amongst the last to leave.

I sing: tunelessly, while driving, in fact all the time. My family will do anything to stop my singing :)

I cry: a lot when I see, hear or even read about suffering...

I don’t always: speak my mind.

I fight: without seeming to fight. But I do fight for what I believe in. All the time.

I write: to communicate, to share, to get something out of my system ...

I win: Do I care to? It's never about winning or loosing for me.

I lose: Again it doesn't matter, lose today, try again tomorrow.

I never: give up. At least not easily.

I always: am very cautious. Check the doors are locked. Gas cylinder knob is down. Kids have their mobiles with them. The car has enough fuel. Burglar alarm is working.

I confuse:people's faces/names/roads/dates. But never Zodiac signs.

I listen: Willingly and with pleasure. I am a sounding board for many friends and acquaintances.

I can usually be found: On the net. At my home. With my kids. Reading something. Watching CNBC TV18\News Channels. In the Gym.

I am scared: but I am not a coward.

I need: to keep growing, learning something new, taking care of my health and making sure Husband, Daughter and Son do the same. (read nagging)

I pass this tag to The Naive Indian, Imp's Mom , Aaarti, Kislay and Manpreet.

Why I don't like our traditions.

Headlines in DNA, Pune today:

DRIVEN BY TRADITION, KANJARBHAT ELDERS FORCE VIRGINITY TESTS

If bride fails she is beaten up till a youth's name is 'revealed'.

The youth the girl named, (after being beaten mercilessly) was made to go through 'agni pariksha' - trial by fire.
The girl's father was made to pay Rs 1. 50 lakhs as she 'lied' to the Jat Panchayat
Former Pimpri-Chinchwad mayor and city advocate are members of the panchayat.

Community members, who requested anonymity out of fear of retaliation, told DNA that all brides are subjected to the virginity test. If they fail, they are thrashed till they reveal the details of their past relationships.
"The bride must bleed during her first intercourse with her husband," a community member said. The community is unwilling to believe that the girl's hymen can rupture due to household chores or cycling.
Some community members who are now trying to get rid of the practice, said a bride who is thrashed often names some innocent youth with whom she has never had any physical relationship. He said as is common in many castes, "the panchayat runs its own judiciary and resolves issues".
Rarely will a community member approach the police or judiciary with complaints.
Last year at Yerawada, the jat panchayat had forced a similar agni pariksha on a youth. He was ordered to walk on burning charcoal. The police later intervened in the matter.


We are an enlightened lot!

This is why I don't like our blind faith in TRADITIONS. Tests by fire! In this time and age? And educated elders are involved, who should know better. And if they don't, then it only proves that age and education are no proof of intelligence and wisdom. Imagine beating a girl, in all probability innocent (they marry at the age of 14) into naming another innocent victim, who is made to walk seven steps with a five kg heated iron axe placed on his palms. If his hands remain unburnt he is declared innocent.

Edited to add: Read thought room's opinion on this issue here.

On a day like today...

7 45 am

It's the kind of day, when you want to sing, On a day like today...

It’s a lovely, lovely day. Clouds, intermittent drizzle. Light breeze, noisy birds, some car reversing, and the kids still asleep...Summer vacations mean lesser time on the blog, more time with kids. It’s the kind of day to take your car and drive with windows down. A friend needs to go to a nearby nursery, so we have all decided to join her. The truth is I need no more plants and animals...and I am determined to pick none, but I have learnt that if we add/change something in the house, I start enjoying maintaining and photographing it.

Husband hates hardware shopping. Hearing my cribs about a water–splattering kitchen faucet, and the urgent need to change it, a friend sympathetically drove us from the gym to a favourite Hard Ware Store. They didn’t have what I wanted, but they promised to get it and call me.


But my feminist mind was delighted to see the Bohri Muslim couple. All the time I thought they were Marwaris, when I had finished eulogizing the Marwari business skills, another friend who also shops from there, told me they were NOT Marwaris, but Muslims. That made me even more impressed, the woman looked confident, wore no veil, husband took her advice when I explained what I wanted. She understood and told her husband exactly what I was talking about, he nodded in agreement. I have just read/re-read three books in a row, ‘The Kite Runner’, ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ and ‘Not without My Daughter’ and cried through each of them. I have wondered what I would have done if I was in any of their places. Oh yes I observe how women are treated all the time. Then I thanked God I was born in India. America would not have been bad either, Daughter wishes she was born in a country where there was no gender bias, and she prefers Europe or America (born as a citizen there). She often says she would like to join Politics so that she can really change this country.

I ask: Which politician have you seen change this country?

Daughter: So many, but only for the worse, now supposing they used their power to better the country, I will be like that.

I : Inshallah! ('God Willing!', my mind is still floating sadly, without a one eyed abaya in Iran & Afghanistan) We can’t choose the country (or for that matter, State) of our birth, but we can definitely refuse to shut our eyes. I have just read Secret, and I believe if she continues to wish this, seriously - sincerely, she will succeed. And we all need a solid goal. Like most Indian parents, I love to see ambition in my children. (Even though the goals change every week, after every new movie or book)

Son who reads only when pressed to, read ‘The Kite Runner’ by Khaled Hosseini (Only thing that works is, “No internet until you mail me a review.”). The reviews started before the book finished: I am deeply engrossed in Betty Mehmoody’s frequent trips to look for some ingredient for some Irani recipe, and notice a shadow in the room, I look up. Son is just standing there, a sad, shocked look on his sheltered, thirteen year old face. “I can’t read this book.”

I can make out when he is holding tears.”Where have you reached?”

“How could they do this to Hassan?”

“I wish I could say, it’s just a story, but Afghanistan did go through all this. Repressed society, anarchy, Taliban...we can’t even bear to read it, they lived through this, for years......when you were born, around 1992 to recently...It can happen to India also. Fundamentalists, Facism and religious fervour can make people mad. If you really don’t want to read it, I can tell you the ending, it’s very nice actually, and you’ll laugh aloud.”

“I will read it.”

And many more reviews with less words more a look on the face. Until late at night when he sauntered into my room, a big silly, delighted smile plastered on his face. “This is even better than ‘To kill a Mockingbird!”

That’s the kind of review I wanted.