Dog is a social animal.

'I only wanna be with you'
(click to enlarge)

The first time I heard her howl I ran out to see where the sound was coming from, and just couldn’t make out. Another neighbour also heard, “It brings bad luck!” she said. It’s definitely been brought about by some dog’s bad luck. Next time I heard the heart breaking, miserable howling again, I saw her. She was alone in an empty, large balcony, a bowl of water and a little brown dog. I tried to cheer her by throwing biscuit and pedigree, and by whistling and talking softly...she being just a half grown puppy, got frightened. She had probably never been exposed to playing with humans, running with other dogs, going for walks or any other normal interaction that most dogs would take for granted.

First I thought the dog was left in the balcony when they go somewhere, so she can look at people passing by and not feel lonely. But now I know that that balcony is her world. I realise that they are decent people; they just don’t know that dogs have feelings the way we do. More than anything else, dogs need companionship; they like to be with us or at least with another dog. Dogs are social animals; separation anxiety kills them if moved away from their families or packs. Once they love you they love you for life.

Pets are a responsibility just like children. They need some exercise, a short walk, and more than anything else they need our company. If we do not like dog hair on the sofa, we should not keep a dog. If we cannot spend some time playing with a dog, or just talking to them, petting them, sitting with them, then why get a dog?

Can you imagine spending your whole life, alone, in a balcony? I feel so sad...I wish I could do something to help her. Not for this brown dog a joyous gallop in the green grass; she will not race, with her human companion, in the first drops of rain to reach home fast; she will never flop comfortably settling her belly on the cold floor, in the company of a loving family watching TV. No child will roll delightfully with her until both are shooed out to the balcony where both will continue their play, fetching a thrown ball, running and chasing, catching and swallowing biscuits (without tasting them, wasting them like Fredrick Algernon Trotville a.k.a. Fatty's Buster.) All these things happen only in my home.

Can’t they hear her cry?

I saw these delightful cartoons on Alankrita's blog, if you treat your dogs the way we do, you'll love them
http://virtualityforreal.blogspot.com/2008/03/trouble-with-dogs.html

Can an Indian daughter say, “Mere paas maa hai!”?

I have been thinking of what to write for Unchahi...and below are just my ramblings and some thinking aloud.

When my fist child, a girl, was born, I saw an unbelievable side of educated, middle class Indians. Right there in the delivery room, moments after I heard her first, lusty, cry, I found heartfelt sympathy flowing my way, "Never mind, this is your first baby, you can try again!" When I realised what they meant, I was seriously outraged! I had always believed that education and prosperity lead to thinking. They were reassuring and consoling me! I had always thought such things happened to our illiterate, economically backward, domestic helpers and I had always supported them, by talking to their families.

Can you imagine how this could affect the psyche of a new mother and her self righteous, traditional, and all powerful, ‘in laws’? Here I have just come out of labour, still marveling at the miracle of birth, feeling like this was the proudest moment of my life, wondering if any baby in this world ever let out a cry as loud as mine just did, (Apgar score 10) and grateful that labour was over! I had just thanked all present! I have been through an experience once considered near death, just got a second life. And they are saying, “Better luck next time!”

I knew my mother was hoping for a grandson, but knowing me she said nothing. She knew what I’d say, “Caught you! I always knew!! You only love your son, you did not want us!?” Don’t all Indian daughters want to ask this question? It’s true. She does love him more, but as we grew she learnt to not show it too openly. I think she also realised how nice it was to have us, the daughters. She is too God fearing not to feel guilty. She knows it’s wrong of her to love us less. Do all mothers know this? Can they pray in a temple, perform hawans, make pilgrimages to Vaishnodevi, Shirdi and Tirupathi and still go ahead and kill an unborn daughter? Do such people believe they have their religion and their God’s sanction to commit something so heinous? I will not kill or even hurt a baby rat, a kitten or a puppy or a piglet.....But they think they can kill their little girl and there will be no retribution? Hindus will not kill a cow. They will not kill a cat. But they will kill a baby girl. If my mother had a choice, while I was still a foetus in her womb, would she have ...Maybe not me, being her first pregnancy, but my sister? She would have considered the option, I don’t doubt that. Our Indian values are very practical. Maya before mamta. They want a hundred sons, and not a single daughter.

These days when I see families with young daughters, I look at the parents with respect. I know they had a choice. When I see families with too many young boys, too much of age difference between the boys or only boys in the family, I am very suspicious. I wonder if I am speaking to a baby-girl killer. Such are our times!

When my daughter was five months old, in 1991, I saw a TV programme called PUKAR, a series of stories about courageous women who fought against oppressive social customs. I wish they would show it again. There is this story of a Rajput woman who is expected to kill her own daughter - a third daughter. I had a little baby girl in my lap as I watched this mother being compelled to kill her new born daughter. She was writhing in labour, when her mother in law warned her that it had better be a boy. Once the girl is born, the mother tries to buy time. She had persuaded them to let the first two daughters live. This time no excuses were accepted. I watched as the day of the killing comes closer. They take the mother and new born daughter to a Kali Temple. She lays the baby on a stone in the temple. And surrounding her are the brave Rajput men, goading her husband, who is considered a ‘joru ka ghulam’ for having two live daughters to live in a village where girls were either drowned or fed poisonous sap from aankra plant. Timid women watched her, terrified, remembering, reliving their own traumas. And then she is given the sword by her best friend, who assures her that she had sharpened it so the death will be quick, and won’t hurt the baby too much. This woman takes the sword in her trembling hands, she looks at everybody and lifts up the glittering sword and tells everybody, “I am a brave Rajputani and I will not hesitate to use this sword”, and she brings it down swiftly beside her sleeping child, “at anybody who dares to try to hurt my daughter.”

I bursts into tears of relief and delight...my sister came running (I was at her place) - “What happened? Postpartum Blues, you become over sensitive... It’s perfectly normal.” And she saw me smiling. That little baby-girl in that remote village in those dark times, could definitely say, “Mere paas ma hai!” [Translated : I have my mother by my side.]

Edited to add these links: Read what happened when Pinku found a doll by the roadside here. And do you congratulate or sympathise when a baby girl is born?

Happy Holi To All

This Holi picture is from Flickr.com (Click on the image to enlarge.)

I lost my dad twenty two days ago. I was worried about my mother this holi - for the first time in 45 years there will no Papa to annoy her by playing loud Holi Songs and insisting on feeding the stray dogs in the neighbourhood (amongst other things)
Two days before Holi my mother called to say she made, kheer; alu sabzi and puries... I was shocked because these days she calls me at all hours (like my dad did, until 18th Feb.)... Sometimes we laugh when we talk about him, sometimes we cry. I remind her to take care of her health. What made her make all these festive, cholesterols rich foods? She said she even got the driver to buy chicken biryani. And she is a vegetarian!
What was all this?
"Today I fed all the stray dogs your dad used to feed."
And she is not alone in her grief on the happy festival of Holi, people who were close to dad have been visiting her. They call this 'tyohar uthana'.

Happiness is.....

Happiness is being spoiled for choice! (written by Son)
Click on the picture for a larger view.

I picked up this tag from Mandira, this is the first time I picked a tag, I’m glad it’s such a feel good tag!

Happiness for me is (in random order).....

Moments alone. Just after ‘the three’ have gone to school and work. The maids have left. The house looks squeaky clean. I have the place to myself...

Fun time with the kids. Telling them who ate dog- food. And who ate dog****.

Yes she did, in the park.Picked something from the grass, saw my face and quickly put it in her mouth.

Family in the kitchen.

mh (my husband who is More Away Than Home) trying his special ‘aloo dahi wale’;

Daughter all but drooling over her dad’s shoulder, while her specialty ‘Chocolate with Walnuts’, chills in the fridge.

Son mixing batter for Brownies - without any nuts! Can you imagine brownies without nuts! This nut hates nuts and subjects us all to super tasting but nut-free brownies.

Mother (that's me) standing on top of the breakfast-counter, asking everybody to pose. Dogs joining in the fun, getting to lick some batter /masala. Cat high on top of the wall units.

Playing with the cat. Just looking at the cat : )

Fresh flowers.

Playing with my highly energetic, ‘forever a puppy’ dog. (Dog I)

Hugging, scratching, petting the ‘gentle soul dog’, the sweetest, most angelic dog. (Dog II)

Watching a filthy, diseased, stray dog/cat/ any animal being fed by some kind stranger.

An unexpected call from a long out-of-touch friend.

My old cameras.

When I cribbed about having to wait because mh needed to meet someone in his office, he says, “I thought you’ll only be pleased to look at the digital SLR cameras in the mall across the road! You better tell me which model, before I leave for Dubai.” (No it’s not a bribe, he actually thought so, that’s what’s so sweet : ))

Comments on my Blog! Somebody actually read it!

Fresh clean bed sheets, a breezy morning, freshly dusted rooms, curtains flying in the breeze...a shady balcony and me on my laptop.

Making a child-beggar finish a banana/wada pao/biscuits in front of my eyes. (if you give them the food or money, there is every chance that it will be taken away)

My daughter perched on the kitchen counter, reading out some HW assignment, while I give garlic, tarka to her favourite masoor daal.

Two dogs going mad with joy because, lo and behold, today I woke up after an afternoon nap!

Time spent in the Gym.

Chilled milk with rooh afzah and lots of ice, on a hot day.

Weekends with visiting friends. Old, old, old friends.

Long drives. Taking pictures on Mumbai-Pune Express Highway. From a moving car.

Reading a post/news article/book that echoes my sentiments...Anti-communalism, anti-regionalism, anti-sexism, anti Talibanisation of our culture.

Roller Coaster rides that make you scream!

Hearing someone passionately, eloquently blast our politicians.

New pots and pans.

New colourful, cushion covers.

Anna Hazare.

Tista Setalwad.

RTI.

Domestic Violence Act 2005

Swaminomics (The Times of India).

Nikon D80.

Taslima Nasreen.

A mahagony chest of drawers.

Sparkling clean window panes.

My laptop.

Driving. Music while driving.

My sister relishing my cooking.

Westerly breeze through the windows.

If you only had a few months to live...

If you just a few month to live, how will you live them? My sister sent me this video. What would a father want to tell his children if he knew he was going to die...Oprah asked him.

StumbleVideo - Randy Pausch reprising his &Last Lecture&

HOW TO MAKE A TELE-MARKETING-BAKRA

Nobody likes their BLISSful sleep disturbed, not even my cat:)

After the initial harrowing experiences I have mastered the art of handling telemarketing Amit, Rhea, Priya and Sumeet. And Rohit.

1. Trrrng trrrng

I am fast asleep and dreaming that I am driving at high speeds on Mumbai-Pune Express Highway. Everybody has stopped to admire how smoothly the car is flying .... (I have NEVER driven faster than 70Km/Hr)

Trrrng trrng... Oh my God it was just a dream! Groggily I pick the phone. Who’s calling at this time of night?

“Hello!” I grumble in a startled, sleepy voice. Did I carry the mobile in the car? Yaaaawwwn ....I am not driving and it’s not midnight! It’s 3pm in the afternoon.

“Hello, Madam I am Rohit speaking from XXX Bank, madam will you like me to tell you....”

“What? Who? Do you realise what time it is?”

“Ma’am, I am Rohit from XXX Bank...”

Now I am wide awake. BAKRA!!!!!!!!!!

“Hainjeee? Madum jee to naheen hain jee! Aap hindi mein baat karo.” (Yes please, madam ji is not at home. Please speak in Hindi)

He has just heard me speak in English and is totally flabbergasted.

Click. What!? He cut the phone! How rude: (

Phew! I can sleep again.

But no, the phone rings immediately again. Does he think this is a Computer? Shut down and restart, and it will get connected? Well, now that I am awake...

“Yes, hello?”

”Ma’am, I am Rohit from XXX Bank...”

“Yes?”

(He sounds relieved. Restart worked)

“Ma’am do you own a credit card? We have a scheme...”

“Hain? Kyaa? Hindi mein to bata jara? Angreji mein haath jara tang hai...” (Yes? What? Explain in Hindi, my hand is tight in English)

So now he politely explains in Hindi ..blah blah blah...

“Craidit card to baree jor ki cheej hai! Haan theek hai, thode se bhej de." (Credit card is an awesome thing. Alright. Fine. Send me a few.)

Click. He cut the phone! How impolite!

2. Another time Amit called.

“Ma’am this is Amit from ABCD Bank, ma’am do you have an account with ABCD Bank.”

“Who did you say is speaking?”

“Errr ma’am this Amit speaking from ABCD Bank.”

“Amit!!! Amit Goyal? Oh my God, where have you been?”

“No ma’am I am not Amit Goyal, this is Amit speaking from ABCD Bank?”

“Not Amit Goyal?”

“No ma’am, this is Amit speaking from ABCD Bank.”

“Amit who? Amitabh Bachchan?”

“No ma’am. This is Amit speaking from ABCD Bank.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? He said he will call.... he said he will call! Do you know why hasn’t he called?”

“No ma’am, I wanted to know if you have a....”

I know this sounds so mean, but believe me it’s difficult to be very nice when for no fault of yours, you are woken up, day after day, by someone wanting to give you loans...

3. Well, one last one, this was really funny.

“Hello, this is Priya from FLEECEYOU , ma’am you’re are the lucky winner of our Lucky Bonanza Draw. FLEECEYOU is offering you a special loan....”

‘Yes, thank you Priya, I was waiting for your call. We were just in need of a loan.

“Ma’am?” Startled, but only for a brief moment. They are very well trained. “Ma’am, we can give you a pre-approved loan of Rs 50,000/-”

“No, no... not fifty thousand, we need five millions. We will return it, not to worry.”

“No, ma’am a loan of fifty thousand has been pre approved.”

“There is some mistake, we need five million. We never asked for fifty thousand.”

“No ma’am you did not ask for it, I am calling from FLEECEYOU ...you are the lucky...blah blah”

“Priya, you find out from your boss, we need five million, psst its kind of urgent. We will return it. We need to give supari to somebody...”

She is frightened. What happened? Hey!!! Isn’t she giving me five millions? Oh No click

...she still hasn’t called back. Come to think of it we haven’t received such calls for a while....IT WORKED!

HOW MANY FRIENDS DOES A WOMAN NEED?

Ten things that attract me to my friends:

1. I am generally reasonably tolerant, but there are some things I cannot stand, malicious gossip or any attempt to tell me something personal about somebody else puts me off. Let's say we are above all that AND such people will probably tell others some nonsense - true or false, about me.

2. Support System/truest friends – Some friends are not just a lot of fun to be with, I know we are there for each other. These are the ones I confide in, they are rare, cherished gems and I look for any opportunity to repay their goodness. They took care of my child when I had to rush to Delhi unexpectedly, they are always there. And I make sure I am there for them too.

3. Friends to yack yack, chatter chatter, gup shup, giggle etc with until the phone wire is so hot it’s burning – Working friends, busy friends, angry-with –their-other-half friends, fed-up- with- lack-of-drive-in-today’s-children friends, problems at work, autocratic MIL friends, angry with the system/politicians/news friends etc. We are all counselors cum sounding boards for each other.

4. Old, old friends. A friend I went to school with. A friend from college. Friends I met just after I got married, through my husband/his friends’ wives. We learnt to make cheese omelette and dal tarka together..Cooking was a big thing then! A friend who understood my enthusiasm for having the best baby in the world, and played Tanpura while I sat (very bored) and listened so the baby will develop a taste for classical music.(She didn’t) Friends who came running with a bottle of Paracetamol when a toddler had fever and I was convinced it was some life threatening unknown disease.

5. Mothers of my kids’ friends. We share the same problems! Long conversations reassuring each other that there is hope after teenage, and cursing the Indian education system, Lack of compulsory PTA in schools, the misuse of Internal Assessment by schools (to bully the parents). In the end we became good friends.

6. Shopping, Clothes and Party friends –Not at all frivolous..we have grown up (and sideways) together, shopped together, bought our first spaghetti straps together, hunted for the best (and the most reasonable) gowns and formal wear, discussed in detail every aspect of the suitability of an outfit for an occasion. Hair styles, foot wear and lipstick colours. And when I feel ‘over the hill’ they appear with smart, white framed, new sunglasses and ask “Guess where I got a new tattoo?”

7. Friends who love animals. Then I have friends who will come running (or driving) if I see a hurt animal needing help. (I will do the same for them). Over a period of time, we have become good friends and will come running or driving even if the crisis is of some other kind.

8. Friends into Stock Markets – We console each other when things go bad (and recently there’s been a lot to console about). Earlier we celebrated the bulls watching CNBCTV18 in our own homes, on the phone...

9. Gym friend – One makes Gym such fun with her bubbly chatter. We talk about other things too, but I have hardly ever met her outside the Gym! The other shares her Thera band and borrows my dumbbells...With her I can shamelessly discuss an extra cm without being branded narcissistic.

10. Internet addicts - Friends who cannot survive without the life giving supply of a minimum of 250 kbph. We know who to threaten if our Wi-Fi needs to be replaced / repaired or if the connection is too slow...and we always have that odd cable wire/splitter/phone number that the other urgently needs and just cannot find anywhere – in the middle of the night.

Can Cactus inside the house cause death?

I am almost never superstitious. I don't believe anything not scientifically proven. Don't believe in ghosts, have always doubted Ayurvedic medicines, I take Astrology with a pinch of salt, ditto for Vastu, Feng Shui etc.
I read this article many years ago, in Delhi in The Times of India. This article on vastu said "Keeping cactus and succulents inside the house brings death to someone in that house." I was annoyed. How do they allow such rubbish to be published. " He talks about death so simply, it's going to put people off some beautiful indoor plants, frighten them..." I muttered, "Didn't Preeti have such a beautiful collection of cactus..." And then I froze. Preeti, two years my junior, had died in a freak accident a few years ago - she fell from her balcony while leaning out to wave at her husband. She had gifted me some cactus from her beautiful, collection, but my cactus did not survive. There could be no link, silly superstition, I thought. But the next time I visited a nursery and admired a tiny yellow pot of 'kiss me quicks', I did not buy them.
This November my neighbours lost their 23 year old son. They had locked the house in a hurry when they heard of the accident in Bombay and were in no condition to come back home, alone, when he died soon afterwards. Then, one day, their relative came to collect some documents from their locked house and asked if I could take care of their indoor plants since they had no idea when the grieving parents would be back. I asked my mali (gardener) to bring their potted plants out so they could be watered and weeded along with my plants. He did that. Imagine my horror when I noticed the next morning that five amongst their plants were various varieties of cactus.
I did not take good care of these cactus, pushed them as far away from our houses as possible, but they have survived. I may be wrong. How can any plants inside or outside your house indicate death?
Last week when they came back, they collected their plants. They have taken the cactus inside their house again. How do you tell a grieving mother to throw away her cactus...or at least leave them outside her house?

How most Indians hate to seek medical advise

Last night I woke up with terrible body ache. Not just back, not just legs, but all the muscles and all the joints, you'd feel like this after extremely strenuous exercise but I have not even been going to the Gym of late ... Arthritis I thought but nobody in the family has Arthritis. And it can't come suddenly, one fine night.

Then it must be the long hours spent on the comp?

...In the end, at around three am, the discomfort refused to be ignored, I decided to do something about it. First I tried some stretches. Then I decided to try three kilograms Dumbbells to instantly make up for the recently missed Gym Sessions. The dumbbells were on the kitchen counter. (Kept there instant access, to encourage usage).

Anyway, I needed the dumbbells at three am. The kitchen was dark, the husband away, the kids asleep, the dogs asleep, the cat woke up when I did and was now alert and sharpening his claws on 'The witch of Portobello' that I was trying to read before sleeping. All was silent. I am always illogically afraid of going out in the hall or kitchen when it's so dark. On top of that we have recently installed Zicom Burglar Alarm. When I am alone, I activate it every night before sleeping. The infrared sensor will have to be switched off before I venture into the kitchen or dining area, otherwise the whole neighbourhood will come to know someone entered our kitchen : ) So why not just deactivate it? The problem is that every time the alarm is activated or deactivated it sounds thrice to let you know you have successfully changed the settings. That makes a considerable amount of noise. I decided against getting the dumb belles, drank a lot of water, read more about Athena, and fell asleep.

The terrible body ache started again in the morning. My maid said her mother in law was an excellent maalishwali (masseuse) and if I wished she will send her over. (100/-Rupees for one hour, and we will have to provide the oil). I told her she must send her if the pain doesn't go by the next day. Then I heated some mustard oil (considered hot), and applied so much that I was dripping oil and had to keep away from all walls, but the relief lasted only for some time.

Since the discomfort remained, I checked on the net to find out the cause, and found it's a viral. By afternoon there was some fever and sore throat also. A friend, a staunch believer in Homeopathic treatment has sent me Belldona and Dr Reckweg* R1. She has assured me that this Homeopathic combination is great for throat infections, no antibiotics, no side effects.

By tomorrow morning I should know if it helps.

When everybody is selling is it the right time to buy?

Where will this carnage stop! Will the sensex touch 14000? It's so depressing I have stopped logging into my D Mat accounts.
Reliance Energy, bought at 600, my good luck charm is plummeting ...Doesn't this Energy starved nation need Power? Today I received an SMS saying : 60 shares of Rural Electrification Corpn Ltd Credited to you dmat a/c. Power and Infrastructure will come up again.

What's going to happen to American Economy? What about our own fundamentals?
...this is much worse than May 2006.
Well, one must wait it out. It seems like a good idea to wait for some kind of stability before bringing out the shopping basket. I did some shopping when the market first fell...now the same stocks are available at lower prices.
Many investors have stopped reading any stocks news or watching Investment channels. According to CNBC TV18 it's a 'no buyers' market. But I know many investors who have no intentions of selling. They are just waiting for this volatility to end.
It cannot go down much more... When I last checked L&T was available at a...what Udayan Mukherji would call, a mouth watering 3000 and ICICI Bank at less than 900. I think it's time to be brave...or will that be rash? When everybody is selling, it's time to buy. We do exactly the opposite.
I remind myself to keep patience. God willing, by Dec 2008, we will have touched 21000-22000 :)

Direct mail to Kiran Bedi?

I received this useful email today morning. I think we all should know about this.

Dear All,

This is about a web site called as www.saferindia.com<http://www.saferindia.com/> .

This is a site of an NGO started by Ms Kiran Bedi you can go to this site an log your complaint regarding any crime if the police at your place is not accepting your complaint. Then this NGO will mail your complaint to the DGP of your area. You can also use this mail as the legal document in case of filing a case in the court of judgment.This is to be noted that this site is directly administered by Ms KiranBedi so all your mails directly goes to her.

For your info..