My Dreams Are More Precious Than Yours?

Nimmy's comment in my post on Feminism made me wonder why women call staying at home and taking care of their children a sacrifice, and why some women who work hard all day still feel guilty. This is why.

A senior citizen I know, once told me she wanted her daughter-in-law, in the US to quit her full time job and to find something to do from home, because with both the son and the daughter-in-law working, they hardly get any time together. She said she told her daughter-in-law, when she visited them last, that she better decide soon as, "This won't do."

I suggested, "These days most couples are working, I am sure they will find someway ... maybe whoever is earning less considers something part time ...." .

"How can HE leave his job, he is the husband, this is not how things are done ... I have spoken to her, she should know her priorities ..."

I was totally impressed! "You mean your daughter-in-law is earning more!! He is an Investment Banker I thought he must be earning a lot! She must be brilliant!! What does she do?"

She explained.

I was still gushing, "Times are changing, Indian kids waste their youth for their careers! You have seen my daughter! She is working so hard, she hardly has a 'life', she stays up till late, you have heard me crib about her crazy hours? I wonder how she would feel if she has to give it all up! Who knows what happens in life, in future? Girls should be self reliant too, I am sure your daughter-in-law must have really worked to reach this position ... there has to be a more balanced solution ... and aren't they making good money? "

"Money isn't everything. My son says, he misses the way hot food waited on the table when he got home from school, I was so well read, but I was content to just look after them ... "

"LOL I am sure your daughter-in-law misses hot food on the table too :) These days parents love both girls and boys, they are brought up to be self reliant ... they will find some way to make it work in a way that suits them both."

"Girls should know their careers are not as important as their husbands. Men have egos."

"I don't know, I have seen my dad support my mom and generally if one person is happy while another is forced to give up her dreams, will they be happy? Why not let them decide?"

"When we are there, all day we are alone, there are no maids. .. and living in India I am just not used to doing any house work ... and this younger son of mine, he was very close to me, I got the cook to make whatever he liked to eat, now he cooks dinner, I don't mind that but ..."

I wanted to ask if his wife wasn't brought up the same way too? But I did not argue.

I could not get this daughter-in-law out of my mind, and later asked a close friend, a successful professional, (without revealing any names) what she thought of such a situation, and why did it bother me so much.
She said, "IHM if she is pressurized to give up her job, do you realise how resentful and bitter she might become? Why force her to sacrifice!!! These days my husband stays with our son, on leave, because I have to go for this seminar ... I have worked so hard to reach here, my success is a part of me, it makes me feel so good. ... but it would have all been so difficult if my husband hadn't been so supportive. I would do the same for him, any day."
She kept her word. Today, because she is doing so well, her husband is able to dare to start a new venture, she will never read this blog, but my best wishes to them :)

But wait, the story doesn't end here. The Mother-in-law I mentioned above went to the US again, and do you know which bank her son was working for? Lehman Brothers. He is not unemployed, he is doing very well still, but this time when she called she didn 't say anything about about her daughter-in-law giving up her job.